Update on the Great Gas Card Exchange

So a few weeks ago my father-in-law figured out there was a way I could beat Josh in the Speedy Rewards gas card race.

I traded gas cards with him because he drives a lot more than I do. It took him only a week to rack up 5 thousand points so my total is now past 11 thousand. I think I am now a thousand points ahead of Josh.

I am going to win this. What am I saying?! I am winning this!

I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to spend those points on, but knowing me it's going to be a really big free gas card. Hmm, now I have to look into that seriously.

Confidentiality

Somehow I never really thought about confidentiality until I had someone else talk about something I said to someone else that I considered 'not to leave the room.'

That's not to say I have never kept my mouth shut. I just assumed it was an unspoken rule, which of course I was assuming everyone else has the same standards as I have. And as the saying goes, to 'assume' is to make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'.

It began to really bother me. Like they spent too much time eavesdropping in my life, which isn't that lively or anything, and listening to outside sources to increase what they already know. Like I can never trust them with truths about myself, and in essence I just stop talking altogether because I know whatever I say will go even farther. I hate that place. I hate not having honesty and trust in a relationship, and I hate having conflict even more. Which the conflict probably will make things better, in the long run. Except by the time I choose conflict, it gets blown out of proportion, and suddenly everything is a big mess, that I naturally created. I'm one big disaster area when I have a problem with somebody. I don't say anything right, since I have no tact, so I'm totally misunderstood. Thus why I hate conflict.

Before I even choose conflict, I examine all relationships in my life in this area. Is someone else spreading around anything about me that I perceived was confidential??? And I start to doubt people who have never done a thing to me in my life, or if they have hurt me, then I add to the list I have tallied in my head of all the wrongs that I'm suppose to have forgiven but I'll keep it up on the board just in case I need to lash out when they have wronged me again. It's a defense mechanism. I know it's wrong, it's who I am, until God gives me grace to get past it. Once it gets past 77 x 7, my tally board doesn't look all too suspicious in my head.

LOL. Like I'm keeping count for God when they die or something. Yeah, I know it doesn't work that way.

Why can't we all be perfect and have perfect and satisfying relationships, that don't backstab, hurt other people or step on each other to make ourselves look that much better???

I wish perfect were possible.

Insomniac

Well I thought the furnace kept turning on tonight, (it's 1 am) as anyone in Michigan would tell you, it really shouldn't be. So I got up my mom, and we cleared the basement door and trampled down the steps. Finding out rather quickly that we had no light, I went back inside to find a flashlight that didn't work (why would it?) and got a lightbulb as well as 2 D batteries for the flashlight.

Mom went over to the furnace and took off the cover to hit the reset, when we discovered that it wasn't the furnace. Sump pump? Nope. Then it dawned on mom, she left the water running and it kept kicking on to fill the tank. Brilliant deduction, my dear Watson.

Pluit

Josh of course wants me to blog about his surgery he just had.

I told him, "Get your own blog." I believe that makes it 251 times I've told him that.

Make that 252.

This week was kids kamp. So I drove the girls each day to Riv, swearing after I picked them up that this was the last day they were going. However, I knew how much that they loved going, and they learned a lot.

These are the highlights of the week.

Cassie and I tried every braclet we could find in every store we went into.

Then we shopped for groceries, and found a fruit called a Pluit. It's basically an oval plum. But better. So I took probably 2 bites out of and Cassie finished it off. She was so disappointed when I told her to leave the pluit in the car until we got back from one of our errands.

And the cutest moments of all...

Dar said her first bible verse to her teacher this Sunday and got a treat.

Laurel decided to sit with me in church today, (she's so sweet) since Josh wasn't there to be with me. If you want to know why, tell him to get his own blog. So anyways, the pastor is talking about "the fall" of humanity, about Adam, and says, "then God sent his son to save us from this fall." Laurel pulls on my arm and whispers, "Hey mom!!!! He's talking about Jesus!" I laughed out loud and got a few strange looks.

Well here's a cuter story actually...

I was busy around the house and Josh was at the computer. Laurel told him that Cassie needed a diaper change, so he said he would get to it in a minute. I end up walking into the room several minutes later, to find a naked Cassie on the floor and Laurel wrapping up a wet diaper to throw away, wipe and all!!! She then tried to put on the diaper and had the tabs all set when I bent down to help her. I couldn't believe that Cassie was just taking it! She usually wiggles all over the place for me! I really should have Laurel change her more often.

That's what training will do for you. Except I didn't train her to do that. Talk about kids learning by example.

I didn't know I was such a good diaper changer.

I think I'm just catching up.

I have to be honest that I thought I didn't need to dream, or to have goals for the past few months. I was pretty set on not having any dreams at all. Or is that the other way around? I was so set on the fact of not being able to achieve my dreams that I told them to get lost. (that sounds more like me) And they did, for a while anyways. I had convinced myself that it was okay to be mundane, that if I stayed where I was at for the rest of my life, I'd be alright with that. Thinking upon that, it resolved the fact that it was okay to be where I am at in life, which up until then, I wasn't comfortable with that fact.

But I keep get little nudges and encouragement to be more. Like I can do more. And be someone I really like to be. Mel is not a bad person as she is. But you know me, I have that consistent drive to be an even better person than I was before. Even when I think that I am comfortable in my life, I have that ambition to rock the boat and make the waters crazy so that everyone around me (and me as well) can grow. I subconsciously do this, not in drama queen fashion at all.

I've never been the name dropper kind of person, if I do say someone's name, it's so that I can connect better with someone by knowing someone else. Certainly not to make myself look better. But I had someone who was dropping my name and we hardly talk to each other, yet I kept hearing it! Quite flattering actually. They just haven't learned yet that it's not going to get them anywhere by dropping my name. I'm not famous yet.

Which reminds me. I was shopping with my sister-in-law, and I like to tease the cashiers when I go to pay for my things. This is extremely fun for me. The best thing to do is say their name, and they are all confused that I know who they are, forgetting their tag is on their shirt. Makes me laugh every time. Maybe that's why I do it, just to make me laugh... Anyways I was in a store and he asked me for my autograph (ie sign credit card slip) so I said, If I give you my autograph will you frame it? He looks up at me and asks, are you going to be famous in the next five years? Oh probably not, I said. Then he said, I'd still frame it anyways. Awesome.

Now that's flattering. Alright, it wasn't that flattering, it was just fun.

Anti-gay 'rights' (yeah right)

I happened to catch on the news about the anti-gay protest at a funeral of an American soldier. I was disgusted. The first thing I thought was, what a poor example of Christianity they are setting. I hate being a Christian in times like this.

God doesn't hate people because they sin, he hates their sin. I doubt that God has given up on people who decide that being gay is their lifestyle. Just like He hasn't given up on people who murder, cheat, steal, lie, or run a stop sign. Heck, I even run stop signs sometimes. Not on purpose, mind you. I just did it maybe a month ago. They put in a stop sign, maybe 3 months ago on Airport, and I simply forgot it was there. It was stupid. But God isn't going to hate me for that. Jesus insures that He has forgiven our sins. What makes gay people any different???

Maybe it's because I just don't see that much crap in my world. They believe they are doing the right thing, but they are going about it the wrong way. And that's what makes me angry. It infuriates me. Makes me just burn inside. Why is it that they aren't showing that God loves them, I mean how many times does love show up in the bible, you'd think that it'd be beaten into our heads, but no, we take one little stinking verse out and try to beat it into non-christians. God holds Christians accountable to their actions, not the people who don't believe in Him. So go ahead. Yell, 'they are going to hell.' I bet not one of them are going to come up to the group of anti-gay protestors, profess their sins and accept Jesus Christ as their savior in any of their demonstrations.

I want to scream that God isn't like these people at all.

I just hate the unfairness of it all.

Grainy and Coarse.

Today I seem to have tons of time. They moved church times back for the summer. And I only have 2 girls today, since Laurel is spending the night with Grandma.

I've come to the official conclusion that I am not always forthright when I speak. I've always known it, but I don't think I've just blantly said it. I think that is what my last post was all about. I don't regret writing it, but I regret the fact that I didn't say overall I do the same thing and I'm trying to correct it in my life.

Here's where the line is drawn. As much as I would like others to say exactly what they mean without sugar coating it, I really can't change the person they are. That concept has been almost beaten into me for years, but I still hold standards for other people that sometimes are very unrealistic for whatever reason. Josh likes to say that I motivate others to want to be better people. As much I want to help people to achieve their successes in life, sometimes people just don't care to be motivated, (the positive term) or manipulated (the negative term), whichever way they see it. I can get a bit grainy and coarse.

However I usually have good intentions. When I speak my mind it goes way out of whack, just because I can't seem to get how I feel out in words. Words that don't hurt or offend. That would be why I would rather not talk in the first place or skim the surface. I don't want others to get to know what I believe in could be wrong, that my view of things is skewed by my enviroment. That I would look foolish to them.

Actually we have this guy in our study that I really admire. He is so open and honest that even when he doesn't know what is going on, he admits to it and laughs at himself. I wish I could laugh when I'm being ridiculous. When I'm wrong and I've changed my mind. I'm so stubborn that I'd rather hold onto what's wrong than grasp what is right.

And I want to change that about me.

Another one of those disclaimer blogs.

I want to get a ton done today, but I'm really lethargic. Ever have those days?

I started out my run really enthusiastic. I was going to try going 5 miles like last week, but I got to a mile and found out I just couldn't do it today, so I turned around and ran all the way back, a full 2 miles total. Which isn't bad, I make sure I do that every day at least, just to keep my moods from plummeting.

Hopefully I won't be disappointed in what I do accomplish today.

We went to our bible study on Sunday, and a number of things happened. It was freezing outside, and I was more than ready to sit down and discuss Romans. But the door was locked. 5 of us made it to the study and we stood outside for a few minutes just waiting for the door either to magically open or someone to drop by with a key. Neither happened. So we went to the local Beaners and drank coffee while studying Romans. What could be better than that????

Well even better is the discussion we ended up having, I really learned a lot. The other 4 people are super intelligent, and knew a lot of the background stuff that I didn't know at all. Which is actually pretty usual, as it is that I'm not a scholar by any means. But sometimes ideas fly over my head, because it just doesn't matter to me. This time I was getting concepts that I would consider to be "over my head", that I had no idea I even knew anything about it. I mean these guys are all college grads, some with a masters, entering doctoral programs and then there's me sitting there on my high school diploma.

I'm not saying I am stupid. I'm just not as well educated.

Then we got a phone call that was one of those incovenient hard to manage request calls. If you can understand that. Well, BJ had taken out some carpet in his house and needed the truck (the truck basically gets passed around from Pung house to Pung house, even though it is officially Glenns). Josh picked up the culverts earlier this week so we could finish our driveway and have it drain properly. These culverts are extremely heavy and awkward, so we were planning on leaving them in the truck and dropping them right into the hole when they finished digging on Saturday. However, BJ decided he had to get his carpet out the next day and had to have the truck. Which means we would be taking out the culverts and delivering the truck. How BJ expected us to be able to take out those culverts with one man in the house is beyond me, but he doesn't think of those things. This seriously isn't an attack on his character, I love him to death just like he were my own brother, however that's just who he is.

And Josh being who he is, fiddled around with logistics, while on the phone, that no one could come to an agreement, so it was a pointless waste of breath. However in my mind, it was already taken care of, that we were going to accomplish it whether it killed us or not. I didn't know how or what but I knew it would.

So after I reassured him many times, Josh finally hung up. We get home and I ask my brother who happens to be home at the right time, (Thank you!) he watched the girls sunday, (Thank you! Thank you!!!!) so they manage to get the culverts out and to the side of the driveway. It'll be interesting when they have to drag them into the holes on Saturday, but whatever. The truck is all ready Monday morning, as promised.

He doesn't want it Monday.

He decided he would do it Wednesday since there was no definitive answer or progress of the conversation.

I could be so extremely angry, but I'm not. Several things went awry here. Communication skills in the Pung family are seriously out of whack. Say what you mean people! No means no, yes means yes, and I really don't give a crap means.... alright you get the point. Or maybe it's just that we aren't getting to the point. What is the point of this conversation? Why is it that it can't just be said out loud, plain and simple???

Like...

(Oh great, I know where this is going... it's not going to be pretty) We were planning on "donating" our junk on junk day in St. Johns. Now this is seriously an offense to St. Johnzens, the only people who can dump their junk are people who live in town. It's wrong in the first place. I know this, I really wanted no part of this. But you know me, I don't say anything and Glenn and Ava said we could bring some stuff in and put it out that day. Great! we thought, get rid of some stuff. Well that was until Ava heard something, that someone got fined and couldn't participate in the trash pick up for 2 years because their neighbor thought someone else had brought in trash and told whoever is in charge of trash pickup day. Anyways this huge excuse and my point really is that when they came to our house, they told us this little story, then said it's only 15 bucks to drop off stuff at Granger. I totally missed the point until Josh told me later that they were saying we couldn't drop off stuff.

Then I was livid.

Why, oh why, didn't they just come out and say, I don't want you to drop off your trash? Why make it so that a complete genius had to figure out what they were saying??? This was the second year they have done this to us. That made me even madder. But I think the reason I was really mad was because it was in hidden messages of what they really wanted to say. It all comes back to how inferior they made me feel, like I am less than what I am really worth. I know I'm not the smartest person, but I'm not a complete idiot. It made me so angry that I didn't get it the first time around and they didn't just come right out and say it. I had to pray really hard to get over my anger and forgive them.

You'll never guess what helped me get over my anger.

The fact that it was wrong in the first place and I didn't even really want to do it anyways. Just now I had an excuse to do the right thing.

Isn't that ridiculous???

I have several points to this. Number 1, please just say what you mean. Josh spent a good 20 minutes "talking" with BJ, without any end result, so no one knew what the goal was. And number 2, when you want to do the right thing, just speak up and do the right thing. It'll save you a ton of time and hassle, and then some.

Here is the disclaimer: This entire blog it is not meant to hurt or offend anyone who is reading. Merely I am striving to tell the truth as I see it. Whether that truth is skewed or tainted, I am willing to admit when I am wrong, no matter how much I get angry or feel like I've been mistreated or represented in any way. Please understand I am human. I will get angry and out of control. And I will see truth one way that may not actually be the way things are. But to me it is my truth. I will stand to be corrected, but I will not stand excuses.

And I will cry and be at your mercy. That is who I am. Emotional, chaotic, striving for excellence, finding what's wrong and making it right, changing what I believe to be truth to what actually is the truth, and more than vunerable...

In other words: I am Human.

Stories in my life

After I told about my “magic” eraser, I started to think about all the things that have happened to me in just the last few days. I didn’t realize all the millions of stories I have to tell just from even a week ago.

Like:

To update the speedy rewards card story, I have filled up both vehicles with my card since. Josh filled his car with me, and I snuck out of the car and pulled out my rewards card before he even got to the pump. He thought that was pretty sneaky. Then yesterday my mom and I filled up our gas cans for the tractor and she had forgotten her card so I got to use mine. I think my total is past 6500!!! I started at 4 thousand I think.

Or:

Laurel got into the van after we finished shopping yesterday and made sure that my mom and I had grabbed our purses out of the cart and put them in the van.

Which brings me to:

A few weeks ago, I went to pick up the wheelbarrow tire and left my wallet on the shelf where the tire once was. Laurel reminded me that I didn’t have my wallet on me when we got to the end of the aisle.

It’s a proven fact now that I leave my wallet places without even thinking about it.

Today I put my wallet in my pocket, which isn’t an easy feat and it dropped out, not once, but twice onto the floor.

Then I walked out of the gym, and I had sweated through my shirt. So we walked outside to Sam’s car as the cold whipped around. It felt really good. So good I didn’t even think about it as I slipped into the passenger seat and sat back right into the ice cold sweat patch and let out this geeky squeal. After I told Sam what had happened, she bust a gut.

We were playing Password at my in-laws, which is where you have your partner guess with one word clues what the word is on your card. And one member of the opposite team also is trying to make his partner guess the same word, both teams go back and forth until someone gets it. The points are dependant on how fast you guess the word. Well being the genius I am, Josh lets out an, oh crap, as he looks at the word, which is restaurant. I take a look and think hey that’s not hard, but instead of saying “It’s not a hard word,” I say, “It’s not a restaurant!” Then Josh gives me a look of horror as I realize what I had said and bust out laughing. I get Josh going in this fit of laughter, since it’s really contagious. Even Sam and Ava, who have no idea what the word is, start laughing uncontrollably. “They didn’t hear you.” Josh says. “She said, ‘It’s not a restaurant.’” Ava says somewhat confused and we start laughing even more. She still had no clue that I had given away the clue itself. Glenn is the score keeper so he says, “I’ve got to see this word.” When he sees it, he actually laughed out loud. So I start roaring and tears were streaming down my cheeks. “I’ve never seen you laugh until you cry!” exclaims Sam. Finally we calm down and Josh has to give the first clue. “Eatery.” He says. “Do I dare say restaurant???” asks Ava. And Sam and Ava start to laugh even harder when they realize that I had said the word aloud. “I thought I was saying ‘It’s not a hard word!’” I protested.

Oh well. Perfection was never one of my strong points.

Magic Eraser's Are Magic!

I bought a 4 pack of magic erasers. When I got home I put away all my groceries, then thought about the table where one of the girls had accidentally gotten some marker on the table. Thinking of the erasers, I pull them out, and open the box.

However.

The box was empty. I think I stood there in shock for at least a minute, just staring at the box. The erasers were magic alright, they managed to do a disappearing act. So I called the store and they exchanged them no problem. But it sure got a good laugh when I came in.

"So...you bought a box huh?"

You have to understand I have never stolen anything in my life. The closest I came to stealing something was when I was a kid and we used to pick the fake flowers off the floors that had fallen off in craft stores. But we didn't know any better, I was only 4 years old at the most. My dad found out that my brother and I had been doing it, and he took us right to the cashier to show what we had done. The cashier was like, "Oh it's okay, they can have them" My dad said, "No, they can't." "Really, it's okay, they can have them." But my dad firmly said it again, "No, they can't."

Or the time that Dar was riding in the stroller and swiped a flashlight off a shelf and I didn't know it. When we got outside, she wanted to open it, and then I realized what she had done. We marched right back into the store and gave it to the cashier.

So to open an empty box, I thought of a thousand horrible things they could have thought about me. That I had taken out the erasers and returned the box to get more for free. Or used them up in a time span of 2 hours (seriously not possible unless you have 4 people cleaning like mad at one time.) No one was there to witness me opening the box. I didn't take pictures or anything. I thought, "How am I suppose to prove I opened an empty box???" I figured I had thought of all the things I would never consider doing in my lifetime. Things I don't do simply because it is wrong. I'm a bit of a prude when it comes to that. I like to call it integrity and honesty.

And if I was really wanted to steal something, I wouldn't steal a box of magic erasers for $3.42.