Officially written off

Yeah I'm not sleeping, this is the first night in 2 weeks. Which is totally amazing that I could sleep like that. I can be quite the insomniac.

It's pretty cold here. Usually we leave all the windows open at night, and finally last night I asked Josh to close them all before he comes to bed. However he didn't so I'm sitting here wrapped up in a blanket about 2 foot thick trying to keep warm.

I am not the shallow conversation starter. But how odd would it be if we started all conversations with philosophical ideas, I mean, really. And it's not like I'm the brightest person alive either, so while I could start an idea, I could in no way, shape, or form, finish it. They have schools for that.

My mom and I had a conversation about writing people off. I never thought of myself being one of those people, but harshly, I am or have been in the past. I had a friend in school that was a consistent liar. Even though I would catch her in her lies, she still lied. So I didn't talk to her for a few years. Then we started to talk again and it started all over again, though she was getting better at her lies. We were friends through high school, and I found I kept feeling like I was better than her, and I knew deep down I wasn't, but I hated feeling like I was. After graduated and got married, I just haven't tried to kept contact with her, and she's gotten pretty messed up. My mom then said something that hurt. I could have been there for her through these tough times. And I started to argue that she was like this in high school and never told me the truth about her real life. So while I could help her, she wouldn't let me, and here in my glory with that condensending attitude of being better, I was the worst person for her.

Today I could do no better. What does that say about my character? I'm easily influenced by my surroundings. By being friends with my consistent liar, I was becoming a really awful person. And I didn't like that. So I wrote the friendship off. And I don't make friendships lightly either.

I always thought of her as more of a project than a friend. How I could help her become a better person. And who was I fooling? Me.

I then began to think why my mom and I had the conversation in the first place. Because I thought I was better than someone who had written me off for a stupid reason. And although I had nothing to do with the situation; it just because I am a part of the Kingsbury family, so I was officially written off.

I had some serious arguing and re-thinking to do. Not only do I hope (selfishly) that God intended for them to learn something new, but I know He wants me to learn something as well.