Defeat

Josh has started to go on bike rides with me. We decided to buy two bike trailers so we could take the kids along. Well we got them today, and found out that Josh's boss has been meaning to get rid of his, so he's going to check to make sure it still works, and the beauty of buying online at department stores is that I can take it back to the store for a full refund, instead of shipping it back.

Well it took me all of 5 minutes to figure out how to put it together. It folds nicely, it goes together perfect, so far, I'm in love with it.

However.

I take it out to my bike, and my bike has hated me from day one. I tried to get a bolt off of the bike and no way. Not possible. Several bumps, scraps, bruises, and swearing later, about an hour later to be exact, I admit defeat.

I'm not a man. I say. I don't have the pulling nor pushing power of a man who can manipulate tools to do what you want them to. It's like they call out all the tool gods and together they bond in some obscure ritual to obtain their goal. And do they ever obtain it. In less than 2 seconds.

Quick ritual.

I've been waiting for my chance to succeed today. You know what I did?

Sat down at the computer and downloaded an anti-virus that I also got today.

I can do that.

It doesn't take a man or tool gods for that. Just common sense.

I can handle that.

Today

I know I haven't blogged in a while. We have 4 computers in our house, and 3 of them are out of order. Leaving the slowest computer of them all, online. All quirks should be worked out at the end of this week.

It's so odd how much I miss being online. I didn't realize how much my life depends on it. I pay my bills, check my accounts, blog, shop, sell, it's crazy how many hours go into it.

We are so fortunate to be able to get information all at one time. I listen to the radio for my news strangely enough. It's funny because each time I tell Josh I heard some news on the radio he always says, "Well they have a liberal slant you know." Like I don't know. No matter where you go for your information, you have to filter it out for yourself. I'm not a big news kind of person anyways, which is one of the reasons I listen to it on the radio. Something amazing could happen and I would be the last person to know it. I really just don't care.

However when I actually care about something, I research the heck out of it. The most recent (which isn't that recent) research was that I heard about the Judas "gospel" and wanted to learn what it was about. I like to listen to all sides, and figure out how I actually feel about it. Unless someone brings up a good point to sway my opinion, I tend to hold to it. I am open to change. I don't claim to be the smartest person alive, but I'm not a total idiot either.

52 pick up

Have you ever played 52 pick up?

When I was a kid my cousins always asked me this question. It only took once for me to learn that when you answered no, they’d then toss a deck of cards, all 52, in the air and promptly tell you, “Now, pick them up.”

My girls have no concept of what 52 pick-up is. However I got off my computer to walk into our dining room with 23 (I counted) decks of cards splattered all over the dining room floor. So that’s 52 x 23, which is 1196 pick-up, give or take a few that have been lost over the years, that all needed to be sorted back into their individual boxes. It was a long hour.

They weren’t being bad, they just had no idea that it took that much time to pick up that many cards and sort them.

Just news

I can't wait for it to get warm outside. Really warm. I can't wait for summer. I might even get the rest of the garage cleaned out this year. The girls are old enough to be outside in my sight and they usually listen. Which is huge. Last year Cassie would take off and you had to keep an extra eye out for her.

Josh

Josh said I always make him out to be the bad guy on my blog.

I don't mean to, if that's what you're thinking, he just happens to get caught in the middle, that's all. He was shocked that yesterday I wrote something nice about him.

I think he's going overboard actually. He wants fame and glory. I told him to get his own blog.

That's the price you pay for being truthful in writing. Should give everyone the inspiration to be nicer to me huh?

The girls have been watching the disney classics of mickey mouse, donald, chip and dale, pluto and goofy. It's this 8 hour tape of short disney cartoons and has this really cheesy 80s prime time disney show at the end. It's fun. You don't get cartoons like that anymore.

Good stuff.

Learning.

I sit down to write these posts and actually find out what I'm really struggling with.

I have so much to learn.

I've never been a studious kind of person. While I don't mind reading, I can't seem to focus on something I know I need to learn, but am totally not interested in. I may want the end result but getting there is treacherous.

I can be diligent, and because I know that, it makes it ten times harder to be evenly balanced.

I've thought for a long time I was afraid of rejection. But I find that I am more afraid of being disappointed when I don't reach my high expectations. It has nothing to do with other people at all. I am afraid of the pitfalls that drag me down from the usual daily events. Because; I am so easily influenced by my environment.

I have to be esspecially careful when I'm with other people that I am thinking my own thoughts and not try to think along the same as theirs. I'm horribly empathetic. I am not persuasive, and have a lack of tact.

I never seem to see when I help people, because I am so extremely being myself that I'm not even watching. Like I stop looking at things when I open my mouth and start sharing ideas that I have thought about for a long time. Josh watches that way more than I do when he talks. I watch people when my mouth is off the clock. I know that's when I learn more as well.

Then Josh will say, you know when you were saying -insert Mel thought here-? They were drinking that all in, wanting to hear more of what you had to say. "What?" I'd say, "Listening...to me???" Since when am I wise?

What am I waiting for anyways? Wisdom? Expirence? Because I know I'm still learning I know I'm waiting for the perfect time; the time I stop learning and know everything. Yeah, insert laughter here.

Remember? I'm not that studious. I've lost millions of hours of learning to mindless things. Wise?! I'm a fool. I will always be a fool. But in my struggle with life, I will strive for wisdom.

That's all we can ask for.