I ran out on the road today, because I have been feeling tortured on the treadmill this week. So I went out, and ran all the way to the highway, and as I came back I heard this thump thump thump... I wasn't scared or anything, but I stopped and watched seven deer cross right in front of me. If I had been in a car I'm sure I wouldn't of seen them and totaled out the car. The amazing part was the sound. I could hear the hooves hit the pavement! And you could hear them running in the fields. You really don't think about it much when you're sitting in your car; what they actually sound like when they run. I knew they had hooves and everything, just never gave it a thought. I was only ten feet away from them, if that.
I am still so excited about my piano being tuned. I know it's not that big of a deal, but I thought it had been tuned a little over a year ago, when in fact it has been almost three years tomorrow. Yes, it was time. I knew it really needed to be done, but money and all that...
Just a few days ago, we got really flooded. So we do what we usually do, which is watch how much water we use, and sometimes if the water is there long enough, we go elsewhere to take showers. Anyways, everything melted here, and the weirdest thing happened this year. The driveway seemed to have caved in, and left this huge gorge through the middle of it. Which actually Josh and I totally understood after watching this really cool documentary on the Scablands.... but that is beside the point. So we spend Sunday evening, fixing what we could of the driveway, Josh build a dam out of bricks, and mom and I shoveled gravel to even out as much of the driveway as we could until we can get more gravel in here to fill in the large crevice. Seriously we have a hole that is almost waist deep. So we have lovely cones that are cautioning any truck drivers (UPS FedEx DHL etc... we always have trucks coming in and out of here) basically to stay out of our driveway, or the gorge will suck you in. It's amazing.
In all of this I'm not even angry or frustrated. I know we will be able to fix it, and it's something we can handle. If this would have happened a few months ago, I probably would have freaked out.
I really should go take pictures of what's left of it. For memories.
That and I thought it was the first of the month today. There is just something about starting a new month that is fun and exciting. And we get our paycheck on the first, so you can imagine my disappointment when I found out it was only January 31st. Come on. Can't they have all twelve months be the same length???
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Procrastinator.
It's funny how sometimes I'm in the middle of three totally different books and at other times I can't seem to find a book I can get into. Oh wait, I have four open right now. I forgot, I just picked one up today that I've been meaning to read for a week or so.
And the worst part is I need to finish up all my business stuff for Jeff. I got a lot done yesterday, but it seems like an endless job. I think I just need to force myself through it and get it done. Yuck.
It's not that it's exceptionally hard or beyond my capabilities, it takes creativity and endurance that I just don't have 24/7. If I would have not procrastinated it would be done weeks ago. That's really the whole point of the issue.
I'm a procrastinator. I'll say it. Not happily, but it's said. Procrastinator. Pro...cras...ti...na....tor.
There. Doesn't that make you feel better Mel?
No.
And the worst part is I need to finish up all my business stuff for Jeff. I got a lot done yesterday, but it seems like an endless job. I think I just need to force myself through it and get it done. Yuck.
It's not that it's exceptionally hard or beyond my capabilities, it takes creativity and endurance that I just don't have 24/7. If I would have not procrastinated it would be done weeks ago. That's really the whole point of the issue.
I'm a procrastinator. I'll say it. Not happily, but it's said. Procrastinator. Pro...cras...ti...na....tor.
There. Doesn't that make you feel better Mel?
No.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Rescheduled
One of my friends (yes I have a few solid friends that haven't abandoned me yet. Wow that sounded defeatist.) and I were planning on getting together tomorrow night. She had to reschedule. And I started to think on how I would beat myself up in the past over the fact she changed it. Those annoying thoughts would swirl around my head about Is she being honest? Is she rescheduling for something better than me? becoming a skeptic of our relationship. Never thinking that maybe she really did have to reschedule for the reason she said she did. I may laugh about it now. But it was no laughing matter then.
What really helped is the fact that she is accountable for what she says and does. I'm not the one who is going to punish her for it, if she was dishonest. It's all in God's department. And it was really freeing, that I could let it go. One more control issue tackled and conquered. (That will most definitely show up in some mutated form that I will have to tackle and conquer again)
Josh and I started going to a bible study together. Isn't that awesome? We've wanted to since before we got married. God is so amazing. And at an unexpected time as well. Anyways the point is that last night we were talking about judging others. Like I was judging my friend for rescheduling (When I had no reason to believe she was being dishonest or backstabbing me...or anything.) and this is no new subject, when you judge, you are under judgment as well:
I'm not saying this well.
Whenever you judge another person, it is very likely that you have the problem worse than they do. The interesting thing about the idea is that having gone through or currently tackling the subject, it could be helpful to both people, if it is approached right. And that was not what was said at our study, but I was thinking about it.
The first night we went to the study I noticed that I talked way too much. I don't think I was being overly rude or anything, but I know that other people have thoughts and things that they want to say, much more important than something I could say. Okay well not exactly that they were more important, but it felt like I was taking over the room. Being the first night, no one was talking, and it was suppose to be a group discussion, not a Mel-a-thon. I did better last night, however out of the two things I did say, I could have still left one in my head. Oh well. It always seems like I never talk enough and when I do talk, I talk too much.
Where's the balance?
What really helped is the fact that she is accountable for what she says and does. I'm not the one who is going to punish her for it, if she was dishonest. It's all in God's department. And it was really freeing, that I could let it go. One more control issue tackled and conquered. (That will most definitely show up in some mutated form that I will have to tackle and conquer again)
Josh and I started going to a bible study together. Isn't that awesome? We've wanted to since before we got married. God is so amazing. And at an unexpected time as well. Anyways the point is that last night we were talking about judging others. Like I was judging my friend for rescheduling (When I had no reason to believe she was being dishonest or backstabbing me...or anything.) and this is no new subject, when you judge, you are under judgment as well:
I'm not saying this well.
Whenever you judge another person, it is very likely that you have the problem worse than they do. The interesting thing about the idea is that having gone through or currently tackling the subject, it could be helpful to both people, if it is approached right. And that was not what was said at our study, but I was thinking about it.
The first night we went to the study I noticed that I talked way too much. I don't think I was being overly rude or anything, but I know that other people have thoughts and things that they want to say, much more important than something I could say. Okay well not exactly that they were more important, but it felt like I was taking over the room. Being the first night, no one was talking, and it was suppose to be a group discussion, not a Mel-a-thon. I did better last night, however out of the two things I did say, I could have still left one in my head. Oh well. It always seems like I never talk enough and when I do talk, I talk too much.
Where's the balance?
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Haunt of the orange pop.
It's been a while.
I'm in the middle of listing stuff for the business and I've gotten stuck on a problem, so while I work it out and try not to frustrate myself into oblivion, I decided to do some blogging.
And really, I just haven't blogged for the pure fact that I haven't blogged. Not that I haven't thought about it, or that I couldn't get online and blog because of faulty wrists or anything, (I've never had faulty wrists, but the point is...) I really don't feel guilty about not blogging, as horrible as that sounds. I guess I just moved onto something else, whatever that something is.
I've been on this honesty kick. I don't know how to explain it, but I've been trying to see where I have been decieving myself and others in my life. What I have been trying to hide and kicking it in the butt. A few nights ago, Josh had orange pop that hadn't been put in the fridge yet. So he poured it and put ice in a glass and neglected to put it away before he went to bed. It was flat. Flatter than flat. I saw it the next morning. He happened to be in the room as I exclaimed some stupid thing about what is this? Why didn't you put it away? You know how it goes. I dunno. I guess I forgot. So I put it on the counter. He goes to work. Later I started to clean up the kitchen and do dishes. I take one look at it and it's in a glass that doesn't fit in the fridge (he wanted to keep it so he could drink it later.) So I think, okay if I drink it then it's not wasted, and he won't be angry at me. One tiny sip revealed a ton of nasty tastes that stayed glued to the inside of my mouth. I dumped it in the sink. Now I could clean the glass and be done. But nooooo. Josh comes home and asks, what happened to that drink from this morning? I drank it, I told him. Okay, so it was a half truth, I did drink a little bit. I mean for marital bliss, he didn't have to know I didn't drink it all... then I got to thinking, that wasn't that honest. It took maybe a whole second to digest that thought, and I said, out of the blue, in a moment of silence; I dumped it. You what?! I dumped it down the sink, it was really flat and watery and so gross that I dumped it. Oh. He says. Okay. The ice really killed it anyways.
Okay? Just okay? Usually he freaks about something like that. No kidding that the ice killed it. I killed it! Dumped it down the sink and tried to cover it up like some big scam. And it's those little things that make the big things, so if I'm dishonest about something as ridiculous as that to Josh, who am I going to fake out next? What does that say about my integrity?
We'll think about this one. Just remember the daunting orange pop in a 12 inch glass.
So now I won't have orange pop chasing me in my dreams. I just might miss that.
I'm in the middle of listing stuff for the business and I've gotten stuck on a problem, so while I work it out and try not to frustrate myself into oblivion, I decided to do some blogging.
And really, I just haven't blogged for the pure fact that I haven't blogged. Not that I haven't thought about it, or that I couldn't get online and blog because of faulty wrists or anything, (I've never had faulty wrists, but the point is...) I really don't feel guilty about not blogging, as horrible as that sounds. I guess I just moved onto something else, whatever that something is.
I've been on this honesty kick. I don't know how to explain it, but I've been trying to see where I have been decieving myself and others in my life. What I have been trying to hide and kicking it in the butt. A few nights ago, Josh had orange pop that hadn't been put in the fridge yet. So he poured it and put ice in a glass and neglected to put it away before he went to bed. It was flat. Flatter than flat. I saw it the next morning. He happened to be in the room as I exclaimed some stupid thing about what is this? Why didn't you put it away? You know how it goes. I dunno. I guess I forgot. So I put it on the counter. He goes to work. Later I started to clean up the kitchen and do dishes. I take one look at it and it's in a glass that doesn't fit in the fridge (he wanted to keep it so he could drink it later.) So I think, okay if I drink it then it's not wasted, and he won't be angry at me. One tiny sip revealed a ton of nasty tastes that stayed glued to the inside of my mouth. I dumped it in the sink. Now I could clean the glass and be done. But nooooo. Josh comes home and asks, what happened to that drink from this morning? I drank it, I told him. Okay, so it was a half truth, I did drink a little bit. I mean for marital bliss, he didn't have to know I didn't drink it all... then I got to thinking, that wasn't that honest. It took maybe a whole second to digest that thought, and I said, out of the blue, in a moment of silence; I dumped it. You what?! I dumped it down the sink, it was really flat and watery and so gross that I dumped it. Oh. He says. Okay. The ice really killed it anyways.
Okay? Just okay? Usually he freaks about something like that. No kidding that the ice killed it. I killed it! Dumped it down the sink and tried to cover it up like some big scam. And it's those little things that make the big things, so if I'm dishonest about something as ridiculous as that to Josh, who am I going to fake out next? What does that say about my integrity?
We'll think about this one. Just remember the daunting orange pop in a 12 inch glass.
So now I won't have orange pop chasing me in my dreams. I just might miss that.
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