Update on the Great Gas Card Exchange

So a few weeks ago my father-in-law figured out there was a way I could beat Josh in the Speedy Rewards gas card race.

I traded gas cards with him because he drives a lot more than I do. It took him only a week to rack up 5 thousand points so my total is now past 11 thousand. I think I am now a thousand points ahead of Josh.

I am going to win this. What am I saying?! I am winning this!

I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to spend those points on, but knowing me it's going to be a really big free gas card. Hmm, now I have to look into that seriously.

Confidentiality

Somehow I never really thought about confidentiality until I had someone else talk about something I said to someone else that I considered 'not to leave the room.'

That's not to say I have never kept my mouth shut. I just assumed it was an unspoken rule, which of course I was assuming everyone else has the same standards as I have. And as the saying goes, to 'assume' is to make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'.

It began to really bother me. Like they spent too much time eavesdropping in my life, which isn't that lively or anything, and listening to outside sources to increase what they already know. Like I can never trust them with truths about myself, and in essence I just stop talking altogether because I know whatever I say will go even farther. I hate that place. I hate not having honesty and trust in a relationship, and I hate having conflict even more. Which the conflict probably will make things better, in the long run. Except by the time I choose conflict, it gets blown out of proportion, and suddenly everything is a big mess, that I naturally created. I'm one big disaster area when I have a problem with somebody. I don't say anything right, since I have no tact, so I'm totally misunderstood. Thus why I hate conflict.

Before I even choose conflict, I examine all relationships in my life in this area. Is someone else spreading around anything about me that I perceived was confidential??? And I start to doubt people who have never done a thing to me in my life, or if they have hurt me, then I add to the list I have tallied in my head of all the wrongs that I'm suppose to have forgiven but I'll keep it up on the board just in case I need to lash out when they have wronged me again. It's a defense mechanism. I know it's wrong, it's who I am, until God gives me grace to get past it. Once it gets past 77 x 7, my tally board doesn't look all too suspicious in my head.

LOL. Like I'm keeping count for God when they die or something. Yeah, I know it doesn't work that way.

Why can't we all be perfect and have perfect and satisfying relationships, that don't backstab, hurt other people or step on each other to make ourselves look that much better???

I wish perfect were possible.

Insomniac

Well I thought the furnace kept turning on tonight, (it's 1 am) as anyone in Michigan would tell you, it really shouldn't be. So I got up my mom, and we cleared the basement door and trampled down the steps. Finding out rather quickly that we had no light, I went back inside to find a flashlight that didn't work (why would it?) and got a lightbulb as well as 2 D batteries for the flashlight.

Mom went over to the furnace and took off the cover to hit the reset, when we discovered that it wasn't the furnace. Sump pump? Nope. Then it dawned on mom, she left the water running and it kept kicking on to fill the tank. Brilliant deduction, my dear Watson.

Pluit

Josh of course wants me to blog about his surgery he just had.

I told him, "Get your own blog." I believe that makes it 251 times I've told him that.

Make that 252.

This week was kids kamp. So I drove the girls each day to Riv, swearing after I picked them up that this was the last day they were going. However, I knew how much that they loved going, and they learned a lot.

These are the highlights of the week.

Cassie and I tried every braclet we could find in every store we went into.

Then we shopped for groceries, and found a fruit called a Pluit. It's basically an oval plum. But better. So I took probably 2 bites out of and Cassie finished it off. She was so disappointed when I told her to leave the pluit in the car until we got back from one of our errands.

And the cutest moments of all...

Dar said her first bible verse to her teacher this Sunday and got a treat.

Laurel decided to sit with me in church today, (she's so sweet) since Josh wasn't there to be with me. If you want to know why, tell him to get his own blog. So anyways, the pastor is talking about "the fall" of humanity, about Adam, and says, "then God sent his son to save us from this fall." Laurel pulls on my arm and whispers, "Hey mom!!!! He's talking about Jesus!" I laughed out loud and got a few strange looks.

Well here's a cuter story actually...

I was busy around the house and Josh was at the computer. Laurel told him that Cassie needed a diaper change, so he said he would get to it in a minute. I end up walking into the room several minutes later, to find a naked Cassie on the floor and Laurel wrapping up a wet diaper to throw away, wipe and all!!! She then tried to put on the diaper and had the tabs all set when I bent down to help her. I couldn't believe that Cassie was just taking it! She usually wiggles all over the place for me! I really should have Laurel change her more often.

That's what training will do for you. Except I didn't train her to do that. Talk about kids learning by example.

I didn't know I was such a good diaper changer.

I think I'm just catching up.

I have to be honest that I thought I didn't need to dream, or to have goals for the past few months. I was pretty set on not having any dreams at all. Or is that the other way around? I was so set on the fact of not being able to achieve my dreams that I told them to get lost. (that sounds more like me) And they did, for a while anyways. I had convinced myself that it was okay to be mundane, that if I stayed where I was at for the rest of my life, I'd be alright with that. Thinking upon that, it resolved the fact that it was okay to be where I am at in life, which up until then, I wasn't comfortable with that fact.

But I keep get little nudges and encouragement to be more. Like I can do more. And be someone I really like to be. Mel is not a bad person as she is. But you know me, I have that consistent drive to be an even better person than I was before. Even when I think that I am comfortable in my life, I have that ambition to rock the boat and make the waters crazy so that everyone around me (and me as well) can grow. I subconsciously do this, not in drama queen fashion at all.

I've never been the name dropper kind of person, if I do say someone's name, it's so that I can connect better with someone by knowing someone else. Certainly not to make myself look better. But I had someone who was dropping my name and we hardly talk to each other, yet I kept hearing it! Quite flattering actually. They just haven't learned yet that it's not going to get them anywhere by dropping my name. I'm not famous yet.

Which reminds me. I was shopping with my sister-in-law, and I like to tease the cashiers when I go to pay for my things. This is extremely fun for me. The best thing to do is say their name, and they are all confused that I know who they are, forgetting their tag is on their shirt. Makes me laugh every time. Maybe that's why I do it, just to make me laugh... Anyways I was in a store and he asked me for my autograph (ie sign credit card slip) so I said, If I give you my autograph will you frame it? He looks up at me and asks, are you going to be famous in the next five years? Oh probably not, I said. Then he said, I'd still frame it anyways. Awesome.

Now that's flattering. Alright, it wasn't that flattering, it was just fun.

Anti-gay 'rights' (yeah right)

I happened to catch on the news about the anti-gay protest at a funeral of an American soldier. I was disgusted. The first thing I thought was, what a poor example of Christianity they are setting. I hate being a Christian in times like this.

God doesn't hate people because they sin, he hates their sin. I doubt that God has given up on people who decide that being gay is their lifestyle. Just like He hasn't given up on people who murder, cheat, steal, lie, or run a stop sign. Heck, I even run stop signs sometimes. Not on purpose, mind you. I just did it maybe a month ago. They put in a stop sign, maybe 3 months ago on Airport, and I simply forgot it was there. It was stupid. But God isn't going to hate me for that. Jesus insures that He has forgiven our sins. What makes gay people any different???

Maybe it's because I just don't see that much crap in my world. They believe they are doing the right thing, but they are going about it the wrong way. And that's what makes me angry. It infuriates me. Makes me just burn inside. Why is it that they aren't showing that God loves them, I mean how many times does love show up in the bible, you'd think that it'd be beaten into our heads, but no, we take one little stinking verse out and try to beat it into non-christians. God holds Christians accountable to their actions, not the people who don't believe in Him. So go ahead. Yell, 'they are going to hell.' I bet not one of them are going to come up to the group of anti-gay protestors, profess their sins and accept Jesus Christ as their savior in any of their demonstrations.

I want to scream that God isn't like these people at all.

I just hate the unfairness of it all.