Lost

I felt like such an outcast in the room full of kindergarten parents. I was by far the youngest. And who is going to listen to a young mother???

I keep thinking about 1 Timothy 4:12.

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

I always feel like I'm too young for this or that and when I get there I wonder why I didn't just attack it when I had the passion for it. I know I am held back by this boundary and I don't know how to step around it.

I guess where I'm getting at is I'm afraid to step up to the podium and just get out there.

I've been thinking about applying for a job at a coffee shop (or something of that likeness) just on Saturdays. Simply to get out there and be myself without my kids. I don't want to solely be defined by my kids, and it feels like I'm starting to get lost in them. I know I have my own person inside of me somewhere. I need to start new relationships and start talking with other people outside of my little world. Badly.

It's time.

I Survived My Wisdom Teeth.

By the way, I did survive my wisdom teeth. Not that it's any big surprise. I am still alive. I think I've finally caught up on all of my things I wanted to do and just hadn't had the time nor energy to do them in.

I need a t-shirt or something. Like I survived Katrina, only, I Survived My Wisdom Teeth and a massive flu bug to boot.

We had a flu bug epidemic here. There was one day that Cass, Dar, and I were passed out on our living room floor just exhausted and feeling like crap.

Laurel made sure we were all okay and stole my pillow.

What can I say her heart was in the right place and her head.... well... was in my place. On my pillow.

Now that's love.

The Kindergarten Cop-out.

Laurel is starting Kindergarten.

As I sat in the room full of parents with kindergarteners, you could see who was the first time kindergarten parents (the ask a million questions, sit in the front of the room kind), the baby of the family kindergartener (low riding in the back row), the parents who didn't really care (folders still sitting up on the front table for said kid... poor kid), to the hyped up well I've got an extremely important job, you're just lucky I made time for you parents (which happen to be the same parents who are telling you all about how much smarter their kid is comparatively, even though they don't have time to spend with them. Yet another... poor kid.)

I sat in the middle by force. Josh made me. I wanted to sit in the back. But I'm suppose to be a first time, teary-eyed, my poor baby is leaving me, kindergarten parent in the front row. Am I just odd and screwed up? Maybe I just take it in stride. Maybe I just don't care. She's starting to make her own decisions. She is able to step on the school bus by herself. She's excited. I'm excited for her, but I'm just not the crying kind of empty nest parent.

Am I really the kind of parent that is saying why aren't you eighteen and on your own already?

I love my kids. I instill in them that independence is important. Not that discipline and rules aren't equally if not more important. There's a balance. They can do things by themselves and be who they are. I love that they are comfortable with being independent from me. I'm not scared that it'll backfire on me when they are teenagers. If it does, it's meant to be. No parent is perfect and I don't expect nor want to be the "perfect" parent.

I'm just me. And they will be them. I hope that I've taught them well enough to go into the world and do what's right. But they will make mistakes and I will pick them up, brush them off, put their shoes back on and push them out the door again. They have to make mistakes to learn.

Let them live. They are God's children and He's watching out for them when they are out of my reach, or even when they are in my reach (sometimes especially so). They are the lucky ones. God knows what He's doing. And I gladly give my children to God.

So be it.

One step closer to becoming their own unique independent (hopefully well-balanced) adults.

To which the other parents look at me and say...

Poor kids.

Worrier

I've been in denial.

I have to have my wisdom teeth out this Friday. Any prayers would be appreciated.

The denial is that they are going to be done, and that I'll survive. Alright, I know there is almost no chance that I'll die from this, and millions if not billions of people this year alone have had their wisdom teeth pulled. I got to listen to all sorts of stories of the pros and cons of having them pulled. Since I am always the last to do things like this, (latebloomer) I can learn from other peoples experiences before it ever happens, (i.e. plan for the unexpected that happened to them). So the following is the million thoughts going through my head; I tried to simplify by putting them in a list (in the order of thought process) that I'd like to call...

Things I just don't want to deal with:

I don't want to spend the money, it feels like such a waste.

With how unpredictable the recovery time is, am I going to spring back or am I going to have to have Josh around to help me with Oliver and company on Monday?

Will I be able to stand soup more often than one meal a day?

My mom won't be in the state, so even she won't be able to take care of the girls.

Will Josh be able to take care of the girls???

Will the girls be good?

Will I be out of it?

I've heard that the drug they give you for the surgery usually causes depression, what if I go off the deep end???

What will my cheeks look like all puffy?

Am I worrying for nothing?

What if I'm that .01%?

Is this worse than labor? Or pregnancy for that matter (which was worse for me)?

Will I feel any better (or different) after they are out?

What's the real reason I'm doing this for anyways???

What can I say, I'm a worrier. But now that it's all out, I don't have to deal or deny it anymore.

I can just face it.

So unreal.

It looks unreal, but it happened. Not once but twice. I told my sister-in-law that I heard that dimes wouldn't stand on end because the weight of the head was heavier than the tails. So she proved me wrong. Again, not once but twice.



We figure that the table had to be slanted for this to happen. We told her she can now quit college and have it become a full time act.



My sister-in-law, Sam. Dime Extraordinaire.

Mel Pung

Sometimes I write a ton just to get out what I need to say for the day. I noticed that when you googled my in-laws together, my blog comes up. But when my name is googled, only the birth announcement for Laurel and Cassie come up (what happened to Dar, we don't know).

We figured that I just never put my name together on my blog. Mel Pung. Or Melanie Pung, equally.

Even my sister-in-law google shows up with my blog. And I'm not complaining. It just seems rather odd to me that if someone wanted to find my blog, they'd have to google someone elses name to find it.

So now, maybe someone will find me.

You know, in cyberspace.

NLT

You know how you want something, and you're just not willing to pay the price? You think, do I really need this? And if you have time, you go by the store and visit your item several times before you justify the cost. Sometimes you get lucky and the item goes on sale. Or you can order it for a lower price online. Then there's those times in the unfortunate event that the item you desire just goes out of stock.

Mine was a New Living Translation Bible with a study guide at the bottom. Besides the fact that I have been struggling with the set-up of my own NIV for quite some time, I couldn't justify paying a pretty penny for a new translation. I kept thinking, what about all the people who are poorer than I am, who can't even think about spending that much on bible? There has got to be some way to get a good version with study guides or devotionals, anything to help each person out there. And I'm not saying just the NLT, I'm saying whatever version is best for each individual. Whether it be NIV, NLT, KJV, New Jerusalem, or whatnot. Whatever the cost. I'm sure there are foundations out there doing this for other people, how many people are going to ask for a free NLT because they can't afford one????

So as I shelled out the dough for this bible, I avoided looking the cashier in the eyes because there was guilt in my extravagant purchase. Yes, it is true there were much prettier bibles in the store that I would have loved to use, payed double the price, and added all the bible accessories (the bible bag, the nice pen, the amazing Jesus notebook to fit in the bible bag). It just happened to be the first bible I've ever bought for myself.

So think about that, in the 5 maybe 6 versions I have, this is the first I've bought. If I paid for all the bibles I have, I could have paid off a credit card. I would have been going into bible debt. And until you actually go out and buy a bible, you think, 'yay, they gave me a free bible, now what?' Let's think about that for a second... They gave me a FREE bible. All those people who gave me a bible for free, weren't from some foundation or organization. They were my friends and my relatives.

All paying their pretty pennies so that I could have a version that I could easily understand and finally get the message.

For free.