I can never find the right words to say when I want to encourage someone. I remember specifically when my sister-in-law was getting married, you know what I told her? "Don't worry, you're not going to fall down the aisle."
What kind of loving advice is that???
What I meant is that if you think that you aren't going to fall, most likely you aren't going to. She is a perfectionist of sorts, (so I thought at the time) and I knew she was worried about having the perfect wedding. Like most brides do.
When I believe something is good I tend to sit back and nod my head in approval, a lot like my father-in-law and say, "This is good." I feel when it comes to words, if I don't feel true about something I don't say it. However I don't say enough sometimes.
I bought a CD this week that I was disappointed with at first. It's kind of British folk with a tint of rock. But their rock is played by Celtic instruments, (not a full and rounded sound, you know?) The real reason I got the CD is because of the lyrics, not exactly the musical quality. This guy is an amazing lyricist. He knows just exactly how to place words into a song that makes it both musical and shocking almost. All he needs now is a good arranger. Someone who can fill out his song, make them feel like there is a climax; his story-like quality is all there.
Anyways so I listened to the first half Sunday, and yesterday I got into the second half and found a treasure of a song. It was arranged by someone else while he did the lyrics. Perfect. Too bad the lyricist is now doing solo work, because this guy knew how to put it together.
Who am I criticize? It's not like I'm some professional songwriter or anything, I just know what I like, or let me rephrase that. Even if I don't like it, I know when it feels like a song. There is just a point when a melody or idea becomes a song.
For me it's hard to hit a melody line, and write words to it. I can get a good bass going, and eventually the melody comes eeking out after I've tortured it from the bass line, you know? Words come easier once I have a handle on what I want to write for that song. I have so many ideas, it's hard to discard some, I want to write so many different topics for the same melody. It's just crazy.
Enough music talk. Anyways the only reason I came up with that, is because I was thinking about how to encourage someone (back to my first point) about their music (Which music itself is so important to me. It means something and is so close to my heart, actually almost too close, like it gives me reason for once to allow myself to feel something), but I can't find the right words, so I haven't said anything. I know God will take care of whatever I want to say, if (BIG if) I'm suppose to be saying it. I'm curious if I am just scared of what the reaction is going to be if I do say anything. I'm not sure if I am. I think I have the guts, I just don't know if I want to open that door just yet, if there is even any door to open. Does that make sense? I know the opportunities are there that I don't have the time or courage to get into.
Yet.
Maybe I'll grow up first.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Monday, February 27, 2006
Zero for Zero
Last night a few concepts hit me pretty hard at our bible study.
We were talking about how no sin is greater than any other sin in God's eyes. It's all the same. Which was compared to 100 sins of one person to 10 sins of another, they are still one for one. Not a new concept for me.
However I got to thinking about the fact that though it may be sin, and God gets pretty miffed about that sort of thing, he is forgiving us because of Jesus. So it's not one for one when we face him, after this life is over, it's zero for zero.
This is totally a dangerous concept because it's becomes the whole, "I can do whatever I want because Jesus took it for me," mentality.
That's just not true.
Then it becomes two things we have to overcome to further His kingdom, otherwise we are just standing still and being more of a hindrance than a help in this area. One, is the problem itself to overcome, and two, admitting that you have a problem.
We are still on the same level when God sees us sin wise, and thank goodness that Jesus took that so all He asks is that we have to believe in Him, it's only upwards from there. So while we may think we are one for one, I think God sees us a little differently.
We will always sin, and fall short, but it is encouraging that no matter how many times we fall, we are still at zero.
That's a good feeling.
We were talking about how no sin is greater than any other sin in God's eyes. It's all the same. Which was compared to 100 sins of one person to 10 sins of another, they are still one for one. Not a new concept for me.
However I got to thinking about the fact that though it may be sin, and God gets pretty miffed about that sort of thing, he is forgiving us because of Jesus. So it's not one for one when we face him, after this life is over, it's zero for zero.
This is totally a dangerous concept because it's becomes the whole, "I can do whatever I want because Jesus took it for me," mentality.
That's just not true.
Then it becomes two things we have to overcome to further His kingdom, otherwise we are just standing still and being more of a hindrance than a help in this area. One, is the problem itself to overcome, and two, admitting that you have a problem.
We are still on the same level when God sees us sin wise, and thank goodness that Jesus took that so all He asks is that we have to believe in Him, it's only upwards from there. So while we may think we are one for one, I think God sees us a little differently.
We will always sin, and fall short, but it is encouraging that no matter how many times we fall, we are still at zero.
That's a good feeling.
Friday, February 24, 2006
Grasp the concept already
My dad used to do fun stuff like go on cookie runs. We'd run to the nearest gas station and buy cookies of all kinds because he was having a cookie attack (that is what he called them) This all started in Georgia, while we were driving up from Florida because we had moved to Michigan. We stopped at a gas station in Georgia called Starvin' Marvin's (appropriate isn't it?) and I can't even begin to remember how many kinds of cookies we got that time so we could eat them on the road, which happened to be Thanksgiving day. We stopped that night at my aunts house, (it was on the way) and had thanksgiving dinner on the go. I can remember that there weren't any restaurants or grocery stores open, and hardly any gas stations for that matter, an oversight of traveling on Thanksgiving Day. When my aunt found out we hadn't had anything to eat that day but cookies, she was so ticked in her Georgian bless your heart kind of way. I couldn't wait to get to 50 and be able to control my temper like that.
I don't remember what we talked about on our trip up here, but I do remember that I got stuck sitting in the middle. My dad drove an 87 GMC pick-up truck (which I still have) and there were only 3 seats, my brother being my father's only male child, (my fathers pride and joy) got the window seat.
Actually it really didn't matter at the time, I'm pretty sure we didn't fight over it or anything (not like we did when we were with my mom, we'd have to put sticky notes on the seat so we knew who was sitting there next.) and looking back on it, I'm glad I was the one who got to sit by him. I remember looking up at him, he was so big to me, and although he wasn't a big man, I was impressed. I wanted to be just like him.
Except for the fact that he loved those Egg McMuffins from McDonalds. To this day just the smell of those makes me want to throw up.
Anyways the reason I brought this up was because my dad also used to "share the road", as he called it. He would drive on the other side of the road when the signs say Pass with Care. Then as if it was hilarious to him, he'd say for the thousandth time, "The sign says pass with care. But I don't care so I can't pass." Then he'd laugh at his own joke, as Jeff would mimic him and laugh with him, (he was pretty young) and I'm pretty sure I shook my head. Then my dad would "share the road." He'd go in the other lane (when there were no cars present) and wiggle back and forth.
Josh started to do that for Laurel in the mornings and called it "Wiggle waggle."
I caught myself doing it yesterday.
I thought, "My dad would have been proud of me." What a thing for a father to be proud of. I think it was more that my father would have been proud that I have fun spending time with my kids. When we need to wait, we find games to play and then the time doesn't seem so long.
I guess that is what I ultimately learned from my dad in this experience.
That and don't take life too seriously. But I haven't quite grasped that concept.
I don't remember what we talked about on our trip up here, but I do remember that I got stuck sitting in the middle. My dad drove an 87 GMC pick-up truck (which I still have) and there were only 3 seats, my brother being my father's only male child, (my fathers pride and joy) got the window seat.
Actually it really didn't matter at the time, I'm pretty sure we didn't fight over it or anything (not like we did when we were with my mom, we'd have to put sticky notes on the seat so we knew who was sitting there next.) and looking back on it, I'm glad I was the one who got to sit by him. I remember looking up at him, he was so big to me, and although he wasn't a big man, I was impressed. I wanted to be just like him.
Except for the fact that he loved those Egg McMuffins from McDonalds. To this day just the smell of those makes me want to throw up.
Anyways the reason I brought this up was because my dad also used to "share the road", as he called it. He would drive on the other side of the road when the signs say Pass with Care. Then as if it was hilarious to him, he'd say for the thousandth time, "The sign says pass with care. But I don't care so I can't pass." Then he'd laugh at his own joke, as Jeff would mimic him and laugh with him, (he was pretty young) and I'm pretty sure I shook my head. Then my dad would "share the road." He'd go in the other lane (when there were no cars present) and wiggle back and forth.
Josh started to do that for Laurel in the mornings and called it "Wiggle waggle."
I caught myself doing it yesterday.
I thought, "My dad would have been proud of me." What a thing for a father to be proud of. I think it was more that my father would have been proud that I have fun spending time with my kids. When we need to wait, we find games to play and then the time doesn't seem so long.
I guess that is what I ultimately learned from my dad in this experience.
That and don't take life too seriously. But I haven't quite grasped that concept.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Clocks
When I was in high school, I used to hate getting up at 6 in the morning. I'd get up take a shower (my shower was at 6, Jeff's was at 630) and then go back to bed. Seriously, I got the best sleep then, when I laid back down.
I don't do that anymore. Instead I get up at 6, run, get a shower and don't stop until Josh gets home. It's not as tiring as it sounds. Just different.
And I haven't been using an alarm. That's the weird part. I set my alarm for 630, and wake up at 615, so I get up then. Eventually I get so used to having the extra time at 615 that I "sleep-in" until my alarm goes off at 630 once, and promptly change it offcially to 615.
Now add 600 to all the 615s in that paragraph, and change 615 to 630, and you've got one ridiculously routined Mel, who is wired without even one drop of coffee at 600 in the morning. When will it stop?
I know there are thousands of people who probably wake up earlier and go to jobs and such but hey I have a choice, and my choice was never to get up before my alarm, and have it stick.
The natural clock inside of me should be banned from use.
I don't do that anymore. Instead I get up at 6, run, get a shower and don't stop until Josh gets home. It's not as tiring as it sounds. Just different.
And I haven't been using an alarm. That's the weird part. I set my alarm for 630, and wake up at 615, so I get up then. Eventually I get so used to having the extra time at 615 that I "sleep-in" until my alarm goes off at 630 once, and promptly change it offcially to 615.
Now add 600 to all the 615s in that paragraph, and change 615 to 630, and you've got one ridiculously routined Mel, who is wired without even one drop of coffee at 600 in the morning. When will it stop?
I know there are thousands of people who probably wake up earlier and go to jobs and such but hey I have a choice, and my choice was never to get up before my alarm, and have it stick.
The natural clock inside of me should be banned from use.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Melisms
I've put a section on the side of my blog with Melisms; the quirky things I say that no one else could pull off. I'm not going to go through my entire blog to find them all, but there is a few recent ones and I might have a new one every once in a while.
Seems kind of ridiculous to me; having my own quotes on my own blog. Mark Twain never had it so good.
Seems kind of ridiculous to me; having my own quotes on my own blog. Mark Twain never had it so good.
Cassie 0 - Lazy Susan 1
Okay so I didn't run today, (we had a massive snow pile-up outside) but I'm writing anyways simply because Cassie has out-done herself.
I was cooking lunch (yes cooking, boiling water, cutting up veggies, I can do that.) and Cassie was playing around my feet in the kitchen. She decides that the lazy susan we have is really fun, it's this cabinet that spins around so you can access more stuff in really short order. When you spin the lazy susan, the front goes around in the circle with the rest of the cabinet, however, Cassie squeezed herself between the two slats of the wooden front and proceeded to turn around the circle like all the other stuff does. But lazy susans don't like babies, so she got stuck with her knees in her face, half crouched over. It was dark I imagine, and Cassie was trying to continue around the circle the regular way, and started to scream when she realized that she couldn't see anything.
When I figured out what she had done, I started to unload the lazy susan, and realized that did me no good, since Cassie was on the other side of the wood (yes, catastrophe blonde moment). So I pulled on the slats, while she was still pushing the other way. Until I cried out for God to help me, and somehow got her totally unbalanced (so she wasn't pushing anymore), I finally managed to pull her out the way she came. I'm still shaking.
Not that it really terrified me, but I was thinking (while I was pulling) about how we'd have to cut the cabinet (I didn't want to cut it!) and make sure her fingers were no where near the blade of the saw, so we could get her out. Then I started to look at how to disassemble the unit itself. (Yes I'm an extremist, I have to get the crazier ideas out of the way before I start to think rationally. All the while she's screaming in terror... I'm sure she'll have nightmares for weeks.)
I couldn't decide whether I needed to laugh or cry, simply because I knew it was one of those moments that you laugh about later, but it isn't terribly funny at the time. So at first I had several of those hiccuping cry-out laughs (as I tried to laugh) and finally the tears started streaming down my face as I held onto Cassie in a tight embrace. She kept looking up at me almost like she was thinking, Why are you crying, you weren't the one stuck in there. It was obvious she was immensely confused.
After I pretty much stopped crying and shaking I asked her if she wanted to get in there again. She promptly told me no, and backed away. Big surprise.
I was cooking lunch (yes cooking, boiling water, cutting up veggies, I can do that.) and Cassie was playing around my feet in the kitchen. She decides that the lazy susan we have is really fun, it's this cabinet that spins around so you can access more stuff in really short order. When you spin the lazy susan, the front goes around in the circle with the rest of the cabinet, however, Cassie squeezed herself between the two slats of the wooden front and proceeded to turn around the circle like all the other stuff does. But lazy susans don't like babies, so she got stuck with her knees in her face, half crouched over. It was dark I imagine, and Cassie was trying to continue around the circle the regular way, and started to scream when she realized that she couldn't see anything.
When I figured out what she had done, I started to unload the lazy susan, and realized that did me no good, since Cassie was on the other side of the wood (yes, catastrophe blonde moment). So I pulled on the slats, while she was still pushing the other way. Until I cried out for God to help me, and somehow got her totally unbalanced (so she wasn't pushing anymore), I finally managed to pull her out the way she came. I'm still shaking.
Not that it really terrified me, but I was thinking (while I was pulling) about how we'd have to cut the cabinet (I didn't want to cut it!) and make sure her fingers were no where near the blade of the saw, so we could get her out. Then I started to look at how to disassemble the unit itself. (Yes I'm an extremist, I have to get the crazier ideas out of the way before I start to think rationally. All the while she's screaming in terror... I'm sure she'll have nightmares for weeks.)
I couldn't decide whether I needed to laugh or cry, simply because I knew it was one of those moments that you laugh about later, but it isn't terribly funny at the time. So at first I had several of those hiccuping cry-out laughs (as I tried to laugh) and finally the tears started streaming down my face as I held onto Cassie in a tight embrace. She kept looking up at me almost like she was thinking, Why are you crying, you weren't the one stuck in there. It was obvious she was immensely confused.
After I pretty much stopped crying and shaking I asked her if she wanted to get in there again. She promptly told me no, and backed away. Big surprise.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
False deer sightings
You know, I only seem to write when I run on the road. Makes it extremely coincidental, don't you think?
I realized after several walks home that I was totally wrong about the last deer in the field. It was just one huge bush, and although I haven't walked up to verify it, it appears in the same spot every day, even when I check it later in the day. Somehow I don't think a deer could stand there that long.
So if I see any other false deer sightings I'll let you know.
But I did see another deer down the road running away from me and a rabbit....I'm sure of these two, since I was only ten feet away from them.
Anyways.
I hate being confronted. I'm the loser mom that forgets to pick up valentines so that they can hand them out at preschool. In reality, I don't think Laurel even cared, she was so excited to get candy and show me her paper heart that she made. It totally flew over her head that I'm an idiot. Yeah I think I'm going to put that to lyrics somewhere, immoralize it in song. Anyways, the confrontation. Her teacher asked me point blank if Laurel had valentines, let me tell you, embarrassing in front of the other parents. I know I'm dumb, but now we just added to insult here.
Then we got home, and I started to look at the valentines Laurel got. What happened to just getting cardboard valentines and leaving it at that? No, somewhere along the line parents decided to spend a fortune on candy and pencils to give away. And these are supposed to be low income families with several kids!!!! Did they do this for each kid? It's no wonder that they can't make it from paycheck to paycheck. They spend it all on holiday candy and gifts.
That totally confused my morality.
I understand the willingness to give. But I think the money could so be used for better reasons. I think every time I even thing about buying excessive amounts of holiday cheer I'm going to take that money and donate it to charity. Or better yet, when I decide to buy it I'll double my efforts and donate the same exact amount to a good cause. (Maybe I'll think twice....as if I don't already....so I'll think quadruple or something.)
Looks like another rant has surfaced.
It's been interesting. Josh and I have been going to bible study, (that's sunday nights at 6ish, every other week.) and it's really cool to hear other people's thoughts on the same passage. People come up with stuff that Josh and I never even touch, so we end up talking about it on the way home which is usually a good half an hour drive. You know how I decided to not talk as much, well I threw that out the window last sunday. Not that I being obnoxious or anything, but this week there was only one person who didn't contribute to the discussion! Now how is that for discussion? That's beyond the odds. Trust me, Josh and I counted it up, this is how big of dorks we are.
Plus the discussion was probably a thousand times better this week, than even the last two, which is something in itself. The first week is always rough, and until you get halfway comfortable... I'm probably overanalizing it. Anyways. Good stuff.
I realized after several walks home that I was totally wrong about the last deer in the field. It was just one huge bush, and although I haven't walked up to verify it, it appears in the same spot every day, even when I check it later in the day. Somehow I don't think a deer could stand there that long.
So if I see any other false deer sightings I'll let you know.
But I did see another deer down the road running away from me and a rabbit....I'm sure of these two, since I was only ten feet away from them.
Anyways.
I hate being confronted. I'm the loser mom that forgets to pick up valentines so that they can hand them out at preschool. In reality, I don't think Laurel even cared, she was so excited to get candy and show me her paper heart that she made. It totally flew over her head that I'm an idiot. Yeah I think I'm going to put that to lyrics somewhere, immoralize it in song. Anyways, the confrontation. Her teacher asked me point blank if Laurel had valentines, let me tell you, embarrassing in front of the other parents. I know I'm dumb, but now we just added to insult here.
Then we got home, and I started to look at the valentines Laurel got. What happened to just getting cardboard valentines and leaving it at that? No, somewhere along the line parents decided to spend a fortune on candy and pencils to give away. And these are supposed to be low income families with several kids!!!! Did they do this for each kid? It's no wonder that they can't make it from paycheck to paycheck. They spend it all on holiday candy and gifts.
That totally confused my morality.
I understand the willingness to give. But I think the money could so be used for better reasons. I think every time I even thing about buying excessive amounts of holiday cheer I'm going to take that money and donate it to charity. Or better yet, when I decide to buy it I'll double my efforts and donate the same exact amount to a good cause. (Maybe I'll think twice....as if I don't already....so I'll think quadruple or something.)
Looks like another rant has surfaced.
It's been interesting. Josh and I have been going to bible study, (that's sunday nights at 6ish, every other week.) and it's really cool to hear other people's thoughts on the same passage. People come up with stuff that Josh and I never even touch, so we end up talking about it on the way home which is usually a good half an hour drive. You know how I decided to not talk as much, well I threw that out the window last sunday. Not that I being obnoxious or anything, but this week there was only one person who didn't contribute to the discussion! Now how is that for discussion? That's beyond the odds. Trust me, Josh and I counted it up, this is how big of dorks we are.
Plus the discussion was probably a thousand times better this week, than even the last two, which is something in itself. The first week is always rough, and until you get halfway comfortable... I'm probably overanalizing it. Anyways. Good stuff.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Up to date
Today is an amazing day.
Doesn't that just sound good and lift your spirits? I guess if you're in an indecisive mood and don't have an overly negative personality that would be true.
The reason I think it's an amazing day is a number of reasons. Josh is helping out his brother with his house, he even took personal time, that's how important it is to him. I was walking back from my run, and looked across our property. You can see our property from the stop sign (about 1/4 to 1/2 mile from our house, we live between two hills). Anyways there was a lone deer (I think a buck actually, I was too far back to make out antlers.) standing out on top of the hill before the pond. It was amazing. Just a glimpse of how great God is.
Josh took Laurel into school and Dar went with him so I had just Cassie. It's nice to get some one on one time with my girls. I guess Dar did really well because Josh stopped at his grandmothers to drop something off, and she was excited to see her.
I don't know if I said anything, but this year we decided to give the Pung side of the family a Cd of us singing and I put a few song on there as well that I composed. I guess Grandma Cole has been playing her cd for the senior community there and loving it. Quite a few people who were there recognized Josh's voice from the cd. I was shocked when I heard that.
The only reason I decided to make that cd for Christmas was because I wanted something unusual that was a part of us, that the rest of the family could take home with them. I got the idea from Rosemary Clooney (Betty in White Christmas). She used to send out tapes to each person she gave a Christmas card to, and she always sang a song, and personalized it with a little message to the person she was sending it to. What I would give to get my hands on one of those tapes, just to hear it.... Anyways, one of the women always kept every single tape she got from Rosemary, it meant that much to her. I thought that was really cool.
Of course the idea transformed. Cd's are the media of today, and this year I wanted to keep it simple and have all the cd's the same. So we had each of the girls sing a song, (I was surprised to get Cassie recorded, because it was very last minute that she started singing with the piano. Sheesh she was maybe 16 months? Unheard of. Unreal.) Anyway, and I put 3 of my recent compositions on there. Both my sister-in-law have said several times they love it. My mother-in-law said I had talent. My father-in-law nodded his head and said in his God-like voice, "This is good." (Okay something like that, but he did nod.) And now I find out the least unlikely person I thought would enjoy this cd, Grandma Cole, is playing it for her friends at her apartment complex. I believe my words were...
"I didn't think she even had a cd player."
"Actually," Josh says "she owns a DVD player that plays cd's as well as has a stereo system in her room."
I couldn't help but laugh. Even Grandma is up to date.
Doesn't that just sound good and lift your spirits? I guess if you're in an indecisive mood and don't have an overly negative personality that would be true.
The reason I think it's an amazing day is a number of reasons. Josh is helping out his brother with his house, he even took personal time, that's how important it is to him. I was walking back from my run, and looked across our property. You can see our property from the stop sign (about 1/4 to 1/2 mile from our house, we live between two hills). Anyways there was a lone deer (I think a buck actually, I was too far back to make out antlers.) standing out on top of the hill before the pond. It was amazing. Just a glimpse of how great God is.
Josh took Laurel into school and Dar went with him so I had just Cassie. It's nice to get some one on one time with my girls. I guess Dar did really well because Josh stopped at his grandmothers to drop something off, and she was excited to see her.
I don't know if I said anything, but this year we decided to give the Pung side of the family a Cd of us singing and I put a few song on there as well that I composed. I guess Grandma Cole has been playing her cd for the senior community there and loving it. Quite a few people who were there recognized Josh's voice from the cd. I was shocked when I heard that.
The only reason I decided to make that cd for Christmas was because I wanted something unusual that was a part of us, that the rest of the family could take home with them. I got the idea from Rosemary Clooney (Betty in White Christmas). She used to send out tapes to each person she gave a Christmas card to, and she always sang a song, and personalized it with a little message to the person she was sending it to. What I would give to get my hands on one of those tapes, just to hear it.... Anyways, one of the women always kept every single tape she got from Rosemary, it meant that much to her. I thought that was really cool.
Of course the idea transformed. Cd's are the media of today, and this year I wanted to keep it simple and have all the cd's the same. So we had each of the girls sing a song, (I was surprised to get Cassie recorded, because it was very last minute that she started singing with the piano. Sheesh she was maybe 16 months? Unheard of. Unreal.) Anyway, and I put 3 of my recent compositions on there. Both my sister-in-law have said several times they love it. My mother-in-law said I had talent. My father-in-law nodded his head and said in his God-like voice, "This is good." (Okay something like that, but he did nod.) And now I find out the least unlikely person I thought would enjoy this cd, Grandma Cole, is playing it for her friends at her apartment complex. I believe my words were...
"I didn't think she even had a cd player."
"Actually," Josh says "she owns a DVD player that plays cd's as well as has a stereo system in her room."
I couldn't help but laugh. Even Grandma is up to date.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Emotional.
I tried to sit down and write yesterday, but I was so frustrated that I couldn't get anything to come out. So I got what I needed off my chest, and got it solved and everything. I suppose I could have done it earlier; maybe I like the torture.
So I managed to finish up a song yesterday and started to do lyrics!!!!! I'm so excited since lyrics don't come easily to me, I think the reality is that I never really tried, just figured I couldn't do it, after several horrible attempts. I get discouraged pretty easy.
So I cried like a baby when I confronted my mom with a problem I was having. My brother termed Mom and him as logical and me as emotional. Emotional! I thought it was the other way around. They were emotional and I was logical. I was offended at that at first. Women are always viewed as emotional. That ticks me off (Yet another emotion). But my brother doesn't believe that men and women think differently because of our gender. So he didn't mean it like that. I was only offended because I never think I am an emotional person. Let me rephrase that, I don't let myself feel emotions. Not readily. But in that second of wanting to be angry about emotionalism, I was at peace as well. I admitted to it (what I saw as a weakness in my character). I am emotional in the fact that I get into confrontations, I cry. I'm not sure if it's just because I hate strife, and can't handle it, or if I just hate crying just that much. I've given up to myself that I cry whenever emotion comes flooding in (although it's unwanted).
So I'm emotional. Fine. Sometimes. A lot of times. I've just worked so hard in my life to keep emotions out of everything, that I've been denying who I am as a human being. Emotions have their place. And it makes me this totally bland person when I try to stuff them in a box. So while I will try to keep them to a minimum, I'm emotional.
Emotions aren't always bad...
So I managed to finish up a song yesterday and started to do lyrics!!!!! I'm so excited since lyrics don't come easily to me, I think the reality is that I never really tried, just figured I couldn't do it, after several horrible attempts. I get discouraged pretty easy.
So I cried like a baby when I confronted my mom with a problem I was having. My brother termed Mom and him as logical and me as emotional. Emotional! I thought it was the other way around. They were emotional and I was logical. I was offended at that at first. Women are always viewed as emotional. That ticks me off (Yet another emotion). But my brother doesn't believe that men and women think differently because of our gender. So he didn't mean it like that. I was only offended because I never think I am an emotional person. Let me rephrase that, I don't let myself feel emotions. Not readily. But in that second of wanting to be angry about emotionalism, I was at peace as well. I admitted to it (what I saw as a weakness in my character). I am emotional in the fact that I get into confrontations, I cry. I'm not sure if it's just because I hate strife, and can't handle it, or if I just hate crying just that much. I've given up to myself that I cry whenever emotion comes flooding in (although it's unwanted).
So I'm emotional. Fine. Sometimes. A lot of times. I've just worked so hard in my life to keep emotions out of everything, that I've been denying who I am as a human being. Emotions have their place. And it makes me this totally bland person when I try to stuff them in a box. So while I will try to keep them to a minimum, I'm emotional.
Emotions aren't always bad...
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