It's not my birthday.

Wow.

So much has been happening that I can't think of where to start.

So let's start with today.

Today was suppose to be an immensely productive day. My in-laws came over to help Josh with a few things around the house. We dropped off the girls at my mothers house to spend the night, and were planning on a nice relaxing day after we had worked. However. Today just did not start out right. It was one of those days were everything started a new problem. I woke up this morning to a sink that wouldn't drain, so with all my power and might I tried a few things to get it to do, well, something besides just stand there. And the water didn't budge.

So I left it.

After we dropped off the girls and gave the sink some time to think about draining, we came back home to fix it's problems. After a bit of pulling and pushing, water still standing in the sink and backing-up into my dishwasher, my father-in-law decided it was time to take a look downstairs. He found an entire section of basement soaked in water. After the area was cleared, he took a look at the pipes, which I returned back upstairs, where my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law and I stood by the sink, talking and waiting for my father-in-law to tell us what he needed next. Instead there was a yelp, then the sink gurgled and drained, all in the matter of seconds.

"Why is the sink draining?" I asked and then realized that the yelp may lead to an answer.

There stood my father-in-law, drenched in whatever had been left in the sink for eons, and a smell arose so vicious that it awoke any senses that may have been sleeping. Josh ran back and forth with buckets and I ran for towels, as the pipes were still leaking this grey sludge, with rocks and onion peels left for us to contemplate what kind of people lived in our house before us.

It didn't stop there, my father in law had brought what he called "The Snake" which was a cord that he fished down the line about 2 feet or so, dragged back whatever had been in the pipe and then going in another 2 feet, trying to reach and pull clear a clog. He went in 20 feet before calling it quits. We hauled out at least 5 gallons of grey sludge.

And at this very moment, we still don't have a working kitchen sink. However, our bathroom and laundry facilities are fully functional, since they are at the opposite end of the house.

And I'm not at the least bit upset. In fact, I was more upset over the fact that I pinched myself in the closet door this morning than I was over the cascading waterfall of grey sludge on my basement floor.

I think God was preparing me, you know, the 'pinch to grow an inch' that you get each birthday as a kid.


No.

It's not my birthday.

House

I can't believe it's here. The morning we sign our lives away on a house. It seems like it was never going to to be a possiblity again and yet, God swept us away and blessed us outragiously. How does He do that???

Keep us in your prayers, as the next few days of moving will be stressful. I've gotten everything I can packed. Yesterday I hit a point in the day where I was just wandering around the house looking for something else I could pack like I was obsessed or something. It took me a good half an hour of wandering to finally say, Yup, I'm done, and sit down to a (now cold) cup of tea.

Oliver is getting pretty sick of me packing. He crawling now and follows me around the house. He gets so angry when he finds me near a box, that he turns over on his back, yowls and starts kicking the box full force with both feet as if to say, "Hey! You're paying more attention to that inadimate object than me!" Kick, Kick, Kick, Kick, I hear his feet as they turn in rapid spinning circles. So I pick him up and twirl around with him, which then he smiles and turns back into the happy baby he once was, before he saw me and the box within 2 inches of each other. Eventually, I return him to the living room to play and it starts all over again.

I wonder how he's going to react to unpacking.

Moving

Okay, I have a few minutes to post. I can't say I've been entirely busy with packing up to move, since I have maybe 15 boxes packed. It's hard to pack up a house when your stuff is still intertwined with other peoples stuff. You tend to forget who's is what. Well, that and you're still living there. So dishes are a no, and any bathroom necessities are a no... I'm so used to packing up in one week or less and moving. This is a little backwards to me.

We have a few genius touches this time though. My mother-in-law painted each girl a box so they can pack and find their personal stuff. We actually have a truck thanks to my brother. And I have a couple days to clean and paint BEFORE we move in, which is a novelty.

I'm curious where this is leading us because it's all happening so fast. It seems like there is something bigger in store for us, and I'm both excited and nervous to face it head-on.

Merge: Communion

Last night Josh and I went to the Merge meeting at Riv. The theme for this year's events is communion, so this time, it was decided that we would actually take communion. The people were sat down at a table of six or eight, and were given time to talk with one another. Then we were asked to talk about the idea of communion and what it means, then the table would pray together before they broke the bread. Afterwards they were given time to talk with people. I was taking pictures at the time, so I could hear the conversations and the prayers throughout the room. These are a few that struck me.

I saw a 20something male tell about his life and then admit, "It's all that I have."

I ended up talking to one woman who doesn't attend Riv, and she asked me about how Riv got started. Eventually it led into her life story. She was excited at the boldness of Riv and was even more excited about how she could help.

Another woman was excited to lead a small group but couldn't lead it in her own home.

I talked to a man who when it came time to pray, led in a bold prayer that left the table silent and awestruck. "I don't remember exactly what I prayed but when I said Amen and lifted up my head, one woman looked at me and said, 'Awesome.' That opened up the table for honest and real discussion."

Another woman said when I asked her about the whole event, "It's needed. The communion, the sense of community, people just need that."

I can't say for sure lives were changed or that people even left with the right idea in mind, but I did see several people exchange phone numbers, email addresses and encouraged several to fill out surveys. It's a start. People were curious and excited to know what Merge was doing next. And that is exciting.

This said from simply an observer.

Halloween

Laurel was Wendy from Peter Pan.

Dar was Princess Dora. She looks good with black hair.

Cassie was Belle from Beauty and the Beast.

Last year Laurel went as Belle and Dar was all disappointed because she wasn't a pretty princess too, so this year we made sure that Cassie wasn't left out of the prettiness. She was so thrilled to be Belle. That costume has seen several Halloweens in the past few years.

This year was the first year in downtown St. Johns where they had trick or treating open at several businesses for the little kids, who probably won't make it for the actual trick or treating later that night. I had no idea how many kids under 9 years old lived in St. Johns. There was so many kids, it was hard to find parents.


Dar looks like her Aunt Sam in this picture, it's the black hair I think. I never thought Dar looked like a Pung, but this seems to prove it.

Grandma's cup

So I sat down to my morning coffee, and the cup I usually use was dirty, so I grabbed another mug, not a big deal.

Not realizing that it is a big deal to Cassie who said...



"Mom that's Grandma's cup."

"Yes, it's Grandma's but I'm using it today."

After several minutes of trying to convince me that it's Grandma's and that I should use another mug, she turns to Josh and says.

"Daddy, look at Mommy. Mommy is using Grandma's cup."

Obviously I did something wrong.

Memorization and repetition matters.

I can't believe how fast time is flying by, next week is Halloween. I pretty much have the family cd set this Christmas, I need to record it and put it together, but the basic idea is there. I'm excited about it, I'm going to be putting 4 or 5 of my songs on it, and a few things from the girls and Josh. It was a lot of fun to put together last year, makes me much more excited about the Christmas season.

I still haven't put my applications in, and honestly, I'm waiting until we move, (which will be in the next 6 months) when things settle down. I really don't want to start a new job and be moving at the same time. It'll be better for my family. And maybe something will show up before then. Who knows what the future brings.

I finally downloaded iTunes, and have been listening to different podcasts. I tend to learn by repetition, so I end up listening to the same podcast usually 2 to 3 times, before I can grasp the big picture. Oh, I'm fine with details, I'm just too busy thinking about those little details to get a hold of something bigger. I love the fact that our church records their messages so I can listen to them again, and take the time to fully understand them.

In fact, Laurel has been memorizing verses for church, so yesterday I asked her to repeat them to my brother and mom. She remembered all of them word for word and most of the time remembered the references. Then my brother and I went through our heads all the verses we had learned from Awana and DCC, in general. It was quite amazing what we had stored up in our minds, and what we could recall 12-16 years later. I thought I had forgotten most of that stuff.

I guess memorization and repetition really does matter.

The Square went "Pft."

We were talking to a couple of our friends, who came over to visit us last week. The girls were playing like usual, they'd run in and out, just doing their own thing. Then Dar comes running in and says, "Mom! Mom! I was in there and the square went 'pft!'" in a rather urgent voice as she threw up her hands to signify the urgency of the sound.

Curious, I walked down to see what square she was talking about, if she was talking about a square at all. I walked into the girl's room and there sat a drawer (rectangular, by the way) in the middle of the floor that had fallen out of it's dresser.

"Yes Dar, I guess the square did go 'pft.'"

Winter in October

How did all you Michiganders like the first snowfall of winter?

My girls loved it. First I went outside to pick up all the toys and Josh came out in his sandals, so we had a snowball fight.

The girls decided that looked fun, so they had one as well.



It's starting to melt away now, I'm glad the girls got to play outside when they did. No one was ready for winter in October, anyways.

Cornelius

I was talking with one of my friends a couple months ago and said something that I thought was true at the time but I just couldn't find where I had gotten it from.

I told him that I had read that unbelievers who never have a chance to get to know God but who know instinctively good could go to heaven. Now after I said this I knew something was wrong about it and needed to go back and reaffirm what I had stated. I even thought I had a few verses to back it up. However. After doing quite a bit of extensive searching and a bit of thinking, that just doesn't make sense.

The biggest argument I have against it is that God knows when we are willing to know Him. Is my God so small that He wouldn't send somebody to tell that person about Christ??? No way. If someone who doesn't know God is looking for answers and seeking wholeheartedly, I know God will put the right person in his path.

Why would I not see that before?

I have a couple of ideas. 1 So that I'll admit I was wrong, and maybe put my pride aside. (Maybe...) 2 So I will search His Word to find answers, as well as learn a few other things along the way. 3 Sometimes I fall asleep while I'm reading, so there is a possibility that I was also imagining what I was reading. Which is VERY dangerous. As I so aptly showed in my so called "knowledge" what I thought I had learned.

Which gets back to that I actually base my opinion on this matter in Acts 10. It's the story of Peter while in Joppa and a Roman officer named Cornelius. He believed in God but knew nothing about Jesus, and had received a vision to invite Peter into his home. At that time it was against Jewish law for Peter to be associated with Cornelius and Peter admits to being rather uncomfortable in his house, but Peter has this wild urge to tell about Christ anyways. It says in 10:44 "Even as Peter was saying these things, the Holy Spirit fell upon all who were listening to the message."

What I get from this is that Cornelius could have gone on living his life being devout to God. But that wasn't enough for God. God wanted him to experience the freedom of Christ, and with Cornelius' willing heart, He sent Peter across thousands of Jewish laws that no one understood that they didn't mean anything anymore.

It means that God knew Cornelius was willing to accept Christ, and put Peter in his face to tell him about Jesus. There was no oops or well, Cornelius will find the answers himself, no, Peter was specifically placed in front of him. That's no oops.

And I know this time, I wasn't sleeping the million times I have read this chapter.

Although now I can rest easy that unbelievers who are seeking will find God in their face; it also gives me a greater ambition to be the one in their face armed with God's Word.

And I know it was only a mistake, but I also know I am responsible for double checking before I say anything, even if I am saying it to other believers. And for that I am truly sorry.

I've seem to have gotten a free day today.

I woke up expecting to be taking care of Oliver, but as it turns out he and his family are still out of state. And I was all prepared to take care of him today. I'm not sure if I'm disappointed or excited. Probably both.

I haven't been praying to get involved or anything, but in last few weeks, well, it's just been weird. Like looking for houses in Lansing has opened thousands of doors for me and my family (as well as shut many others). I was planning on joining a woman's bible study, but it was bad timing and I was sort of bummed that it didn't work out. I let it go, figuring that I wasn't meant to be there. So a friend of mine just yesterday asked if I wanted to join her study, which is at a much more convenient time and not only that but it has several women from different churches, not just Riv, attending. That is something I am very interested in.

The reason I am interested in studies filled with people from other denominations is because I feel as though Christianity has been ripped apart by minor differences and I would like to see them tied all together as one in the body of Christ. I think it's possible. In fact, I know it's possible.

There is only one God and there is only one Bible. The difference is there is many interpretations of God and His Bible, it just depends if the men who did the interpreting knew the heart of God, or were putting Hebrew words in Americanized English format. God and His Bible are still the same.

So we'll see how it goes.

Fantasy Football

The thing about fantasy football is that the guys watch more football than just their team. Take for instance, they have a guy on their fantasy football team on the Packers, it's not that they like the Packers, but they have one guy that they watch the entire game to see how many points he racks up.

Usually this is while they are logged into their fantasy site and watch as the statistics roll. They have to see it when the numbers go up on their site.

Josh happens to be in first place right now. Which is all and great. But whether he is in first or 10th, I still find out more about football than I ever knew about.

I'm one of those girls who understand what guys are talking about when they talk sports. I really don't mind that Josh is into football. I'm being honest here. It gives him something to do and think about besides the usual daily things. He never had a hobby until he got into football. And although he can go overboard on all that happened in one day (as in anything), if I feel I can't give my full attention to him and his sports, I tell him. That's what marriage is about.

Can we not talk about football for the rest of the day?

Okay but this one last thing before we're done...

Okay, (as if it's a treat to tell me one more thing before we're done talking about it)

Seriously, get serious about communication in your relationships, especially if you're married.

I had an interesting thing happen in the last few days. Josh and I happen to have good communication skills. If he is talking too much and interrupts me, I tell him. Same goes for me, if I'm being stubborn about something, he tells me. We just communicate really well.

In the last week I've had several instances where people are questioning our ability to communicate, stating that Josh always has the upper hand in the relationship. Which is not true. Although I'd like to say I have supreme authority in our marriage, I have just as much say in what goes on in our lives. Sometimes though, I give up my rights because Josh may be better in one area that I am weak in. Or visa versa. Such as the girls and their education. I make sure they are learning what they need to and put into action. Josh takes on the school itself. He's the one who gets involved with the school (PTAs) and communicates and works out any problems with teachers or other bodies of people. That's because his strong suit is communication and the ability to get things done. My strong suit is to encourage and re-enforce or correct ideas learned while they are out of my reach.

Marriage is like that. Josh and I usually have talked out situations and problems way before they even happen. We're planners. And in the rare occasion the issue hasn't come up, we talk about it later. Usually Josh takes over and I listen to the background noise, watch body language and observe.

Josh is definitely the talker between the two of us. I am just not good at communicating what I mean, when I'm talking with other people. And Josh knows that. Usually we agree on things.

Although it may not seem like it, there really is an obtainable goal of awesome communication between a man and his wife. One of the major keys to a marriage is honesty, hasn't that been beaten into the ground? But it's true. The second, is being available to give your spouse your full attention to what's important to them and talking out issues as they arise.

So when I ask, can we be done talking about football? It's letting him know that I would be disrespecting him by tuning him out because I just don't have the will to listen anymore. It's that simple.

My girls love their cousin, Oliver. Dar was just showering him in kisses. Just a few minutes ago I found Laurel talking to him, and he was intently listening to her, as if he knew exactly what she was saying. He seems to be doing really well, progessing from milestone to milestone almost like he is the 4th child. I'm really excited that he has this opportunity to be with us, and he's taking full advantage of it.

Which on the flip side, he's also taking full advantage of the girls getting toys for him. And just being lazy. Being that he is the firstborn in his family, he better enjoy it while he can. It doesn't last long, let me tell you.

For me personally, taking care of 4 kids is challenging my boundries as both a mom and an individual. I now make sure I take out time just for Mel, so I can be refreshed for when I do have all 4. Before I started taking care of Ollie, I was just squeezing it in when it was convient. If I was taking it at all. Now I tend to get up earlier so that I'm able to take care of myself before the rest of my day starts.

I filled out my applications for a few coffee shops in the Waverly area. I am planning on visiting a few others while I'm up there, just to see if I can get some weekend hours. I'm not really in it for the money, but just to re-establish who I am as a person. Actually it's more so I get adult conversations back into my life. I want to start talking to people on a normal basis again. I'm excited and scared, because I never know where something like this is going to lead me.

So if you think of me this next couple of days, put in a prayer that I will have the confidence to put in for those jobs, and seize opportunity if it arises. Pray that He will put me in a place where I can glorify Him the most.

Yeah. Exactly.

I get cake

We sort of surprised Josh for his birthday. Well, he knew he was getting a cake, but he didn't know I was going to surprise him with it while we were at his brothers house. Come to think of it, his brother didn't know either. Actually, I didn't know that I was going to surprise him at his brothers house. I surprise myself all the time. Or rather, do a lot of things, spontaneously.

I asked him earlier what kind of cake he'd like and told him I was planning on buying one (I'm really not a cake baking type... In fact I'm really not the celebrating birthdays or holidays type either). Mom and I figured we would just celebrate when Josh got out of work. However I forgot we were going to look at houses last night, so it really wasn't feasible to have a party here.

So I baked a cake.

And then had to decide whether I should surprise him at work or surprise him at his brother's house. It just seem to work out better that I waited until after we looked at the houses and went to pick up the girls. The girls kept asking, "Mom? Can I have some cake?" "You have to wait for Daddy to get some cake." "Are we eating cake now?" "No, Dad is not here." "Who's birthday is it, oh yeah, it's Daddy's. I get cake."

Josh had to pick up his car from work after looking at houses, so I had a little time to rush over to Barn's and light the candles. However, do you know how long it takes to set up and light 27 candles? I realized that the lid of the dish had stolen frosting off the top of the cake, so I had to refrost it. Then I counted out the 27 candles. Josh pulled into the driveway at this time so Melissa sent Barney out to distract Josh, while Laurel, Dar and I set up the rest of the cake. Laurel and Dar were chirping about it being Daddy's birthday and we were surprising him with a cake. After I shushed them, I told them it was a secret and they were not allowed to run to the door and let Josh know of our surprise. By the time I got that concept across, we finished putting the candles in the cake. I had half of the candles lit when I realized the first few candles had started to tip over into the cake. 5 matches later, I told the girls to tell Josh to come inside. "Come in Daddy! Come in!" The girls beckoned. He walks in the door and the first thing he says is....

I smell candles.

27 candles abstractly placed on homemade chocolate cake, with us crooning the usual Happy Birthday tune. Nothing spectacular nor slightly out of the ordinary. But the girls, all the same, were so excited to be a part of the birthday surprise.

They just wanted cake.

Poptart for breakfast anyone?

The fear of every mother is the fated question.

Why does Oliver have a pop-tart???

What?! I exclaim.

Evidentially in the rush of Josh's happy birthday bliss, and several versions of happy birthday later, Cassie slipped Oliver a pop-tart for breakfast. This kid is already allergic to several things, and with all the good stuff that is in a pop-tart, I wouldn't be surprised if we found something else he is allergic to.

Only a 2 year old would give a 5 month old a strawberry milkshake pop-tart.

Horizons

We went to the party and Laurel did great. There was a couple there that brought their 2 puppies and she didn’t freak out. It was amazing.

I realized I haven’t been writing. I’ve been busy, but that’s not really an excuse. If I had wanted to write then I would have made time to write. Right?

Today is Josh’s birthday, give him a call, send him a card. We have been house hunting and today we are double checking some houses, and hopefully putting in offers. It’s crazy to think we’ll be in a house again. I’m curious to see where it will lead us.

I like to over-think things, and it’s hit pretty hard in the last few weeks. When I over-think, I don’t just let myself enjoy where I’m at. I just worry about nothing, really. Nothing.

So I’m reading this book about how Christianity compares with Buddhism and Hinduism. The author was born in India, and is a Christian although I’m not sure if I agree absolutely with all of his theories, but his concepts are going the right way. Although he travels worldwide, he doesn’t quite understand American culture. Sometimes he takes a culture thing and he doesn’t quite get that it is something that is meant to be funny or strike you odd. But reading his background of India is fascinating. It feels like to me, that where I live, you get a broad spectrum of Christianity. Christianity, I think is a majority religion in America, although I can’t verify that. However, in places such as India, there are a lot of religions that battle with other concepts of religion than the one we so universally call Christianity. It was something I never really considered being that I live here in the US. Not seriously enough anyways.

It broadened my horizons, I suppose you could say.

Laurel came home yesterday and told me,

"Mom! I wasn't scared of the dog! I like cats. I'm not scared anymore, I feel much better."

Translation: I can't keep my thoughts in focus but I'm pretty sure I'm not scared of the dog at school anymore. Even if I am still scared, I'm trying reverse psychology to convince myself and the whole world around me.

We will see. We're going to a tailgate/Josh's work party tonight and they have a really big (although calm) dog.

But Mom, I don't want to go to school.

I've been talking with Laurel about what you do when you are scared. I've been telling her to pray when she is scared of something. So today she finishes her breakfast and tells me she wants to stay home with me today, not go to school.

"Why do you want to stay home?"
"I'm sick, I want to stay home with you."
"Where does it hurt?"
"My... arm."
"If your arm hurts I still have to send you to school."

We went around like this for a good five minutes and then told her that if I let her skip school that I would get into trouble with the law. So I got her out of her pj's and when she realized I was going to send her to school anyways, she's quickly says,

"Mom I don't want to go to school, there's a dog there and I'm scared."
"What do we do when we are scared?"

She fumbled around with this. So I took her into my room and we prayed about it, I cried through the entire thing. After we closed in prayer, she was more than ready and excited again to go to school.

With Laurel you never know what she's thinking, if perhaps she was imagining a dog or if she saw one while sitting on the school bus. So I called the teacher just so she was in the know that Laurel was deathly afraid of dogs. Her teacher knew that there was a dog across the street that usually it barks at the kids while they play, and sometimes it gets loose. If Laurel saw it barking or running around, she would have been definately afraid. She's the first to climb up the nearest adult whenever a dog is around.

It's much harder to be a parent than to be the kid who goes to school to deal with their fears.

Ungodliness

I woke up around 4 in the morning today just thinking about things. Actually, all night in my dreams I've been fighting with the thought of being able to prophesy. I know a woman who I held in high respect, that had this gift of prophesy. And I thought at first my struggle was that our prophesies coincided. But I think the real struggle was that they didn't coincide and I wanted to know who was actually Godly.

I think I know the answer, and I don't like it.

So it got me thinking of other things, which woke me up at 4 in the morning.

I've been running around with this verse swirling around my head:

For those who are according to the flesh and are controlled by its unholy desires set their minds on and [a]pursue those things which gratify the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit and are controlled by the desires of the Spirit set their minds on and [b]seek those things which gratify the [Holy] Spirit.

Romans 8:5 (AMP)

I've been reading this book called Under God, which is a collection of 1 to 2 page short stories about the American Forefathers. The amazing thing was that it happened to famous people who I never thought of as Godly people, just history. Makes it a little more real the people who lived before us.

The point is that these stories are about God and his amazingness to still work in the lives of men after the Bible era. We read about unreal stories in the Bible and never think it could happen after that. It's far and few in between. But He does work in the lives of ordinary men, knowing full well who they will become. Makes me want to have the faith like those men.

And thus the struggle with my ungodliness. I know my fight through the night wasn't about prophesy at all. It was gearing me up into the right direction, to think about God first and then think what I could be doing better. About the strong kind of faith I could have.

And deep down, somewhere I do have that kind of faith hiding inside of me.

Lost

I felt like such an outcast in the room full of kindergarten parents. I was by far the youngest. And who is going to listen to a young mother???

I keep thinking about 1 Timothy 4:12.

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

I always feel like I'm too young for this or that and when I get there I wonder why I didn't just attack it when I had the passion for it. I know I am held back by this boundary and I don't know how to step around it.

I guess where I'm getting at is I'm afraid to step up to the podium and just get out there.

I've been thinking about applying for a job at a coffee shop (or something of that likeness) just on Saturdays. Simply to get out there and be myself without my kids. I don't want to solely be defined by my kids, and it feels like I'm starting to get lost in them. I know I have my own person inside of me somewhere. I need to start new relationships and start talking with other people outside of my little world. Badly.

It's time.

I Survived My Wisdom Teeth.

By the way, I did survive my wisdom teeth. Not that it's any big surprise. I am still alive. I think I've finally caught up on all of my things I wanted to do and just hadn't had the time nor energy to do them in.

I need a t-shirt or something. Like I survived Katrina, only, I Survived My Wisdom Teeth and a massive flu bug to boot.

We had a flu bug epidemic here. There was one day that Cass, Dar, and I were passed out on our living room floor just exhausted and feeling like crap.

Laurel made sure we were all okay and stole my pillow.

What can I say her heart was in the right place and her head.... well... was in my place. On my pillow.

Now that's love.

The Kindergarten Cop-out.

Laurel is starting Kindergarten.

As I sat in the room full of parents with kindergarteners, you could see who was the first time kindergarten parents (the ask a million questions, sit in the front of the room kind), the baby of the family kindergartener (low riding in the back row), the parents who didn't really care (folders still sitting up on the front table for said kid... poor kid), to the hyped up well I've got an extremely important job, you're just lucky I made time for you parents (which happen to be the same parents who are telling you all about how much smarter their kid is comparatively, even though they don't have time to spend with them. Yet another... poor kid.)

I sat in the middle by force. Josh made me. I wanted to sit in the back. But I'm suppose to be a first time, teary-eyed, my poor baby is leaving me, kindergarten parent in the front row. Am I just odd and screwed up? Maybe I just take it in stride. Maybe I just don't care. She's starting to make her own decisions. She is able to step on the school bus by herself. She's excited. I'm excited for her, but I'm just not the crying kind of empty nest parent.

Am I really the kind of parent that is saying why aren't you eighteen and on your own already?

I love my kids. I instill in them that independence is important. Not that discipline and rules aren't equally if not more important. There's a balance. They can do things by themselves and be who they are. I love that they are comfortable with being independent from me. I'm not scared that it'll backfire on me when they are teenagers. If it does, it's meant to be. No parent is perfect and I don't expect nor want to be the "perfect" parent.

I'm just me. And they will be them. I hope that I've taught them well enough to go into the world and do what's right. But they will make mistakes and I will pick them up, brush them off, put their shoes back on and push them out the door again. They have to make mistakes to learn.

Let them live. They are God's children and He's watching out for them when they are out of my reach, or even when they are in my reach (sometimes especially so). They are the lucky ones. God knows what He's doing. And I gladly give my children to God.

So be it.

One step closer to becoming their own unique independent (hopefully well-balanced) adults.

To which the other parents look at me and say...

Poor kids.

Worrier

I've been in denial.

I have to have my wisdom teeth out this Friday. Any prayers would be appreciated.

The denial is that they are going to be done, and that I'll survive. Alright, I know there is almost no chance that I'll die from this, and millions if not billions of people this year alone have had their wisdom teeth pulled. I got to listen to all sorts of stories of the pros and cons of having them pulled. Since I am always the last to do things like this, (latebloomer) I can learn from other peoples experiences before it ever happens, (i.e. plan for the unexpected that happened to them). So the following is the million thoughts going through my head; I tried to simplify by putting them in a list (in the order of thought process) that I'd like to call...

Things I just don't want to deal with:

I don't want to spend the money, it feels like such a waste.

With how unpredictable the recovery time is, am I going to spring back or am I going to have to have Josh around to help me with Oliver and company on Monday?

Will I be able to stand soup more often than one meal a day?

My mom won't be in the state, so even she won't be able to take care of the girls.

Will Josh be able to take care of the girls???

Will the girls be good?

Will I be out of it?

I've heard that the drug they give you for the surgery usually causes depression, what if I go off the deep end???

What will my cheeks look like all puffy?

Am I worrying for nothing?

What if I'm that .01%?

Is this worse than labor? Or pregnancy for that matter (which was worse for me)?

Will I feel any better (or different) after they are out?

What's the real reason I'm doing this for anyways???

What can I say, I'm a worrier. But now that it's all out, I don't have to deal or deny it anymore.

I can just face it.

So unreal.

It looks unreal, but it happened. Not once but twice. I told my sister-in-law that I heard that dimes wouldn't stand on end because the weight of the head was heavier than the tails. So she proved me wrong. Again, not once but twice.



We figure that the table had to be slanted for this to happen. We told her she can now quit college and have it become a full time act.



My sister-in-law, Sam. Dime Extraordinaire.

Mel Pung

Sometimes I write a ton just to get out what I need to say for the day. I noticed that when you googled my in-laws together, my blog comes up. But when my name is googled, only the birth announcement for Laurel and Cassie come up (what happened to Dar, we don't know).

We figured that I just never put my name together on my blog. Mel Pung. Or Melanie Pung, equally.

Even my sister-in-law google shows up with my blog. And I'm not complaining. It just seems rather odd to me that if someone wanted to find my blog, they'd have to google someone elses name to find it.

So now, maybe someone will find me.

You know, in cyberspace.

NLT

You know how you want something, and you're just not willing to pay the price? You think, do I really need this? And if you have time, you go by the store and visit your item several times before you justify the cost. Sometimes you get lucky and the item goes on sale. Or you can order it for a lower price online. Then there's those times in the unfortunate event that the item you desire just goes out of stock.

Mine was a New Living Translation Bible with a study guide at the bottom. Besides the fact that I have been struggling with the set-up of my own NIV for quite some time, I couldn't justify paying a pretty penny for a new translation. I kept thinking, what about all the people who are poorer than I am, who can't even think about spending that much on bible? There has got to be some way to get a good version with study guides or devotionals, anything to help each person out there. And I'm not saying just the NLT, I'm saying whatever version is best for each individual. Whether it be NIV, NLT, KJV, New Jerusalem, or whatnot. Whatever the cost. I'm sure there are foundations out there doing this for other people, how many people are going to ask for a free NLT because they can't afford one????

So as I shelled out the dough for this bible, I avoided looking the cashier in the eyes because there was guilt in my extravagant purchase. Yes, it is true there were much prettier bibles in the store that I would have loved to use, payed double the price, and added all the bible accessories (the bible bag, the nice pen, the amazing Jesus notebook to fit in the bible bag). It just happened to be the first bible I've ever bought for myself.

So think about that, in the 5 maybe 6 versions I have, this is the first I've bought. If I paid for all the bibles I have, I could have paid off a credit card. I would have been going into bible debt. And until you actually go out and buy a bible, you think, 'yay, they gave me a free bible, now what?' Let's think about that for a second... They gave me a FREE bible. All those people who gave me a bible for free, weren't from some foundation or organization. They were my friends and my relatives.

All paying their pretty pennies so that I could have a version that I could easily understand and finally get the message.

For free.

Relationships

I just received an email from a friend that I lost contact with for a while. She was one of my best friends in high school, but as we moved away from the area, we kept very loose contact with each other, sending emails every once in a great while.

However, she is going through a rough time in her life. Which made me wonder... What other reasons are we here on this earth if we aren't here for our relationships???

Everything we are made up of are because of relationships. They are so important. Everywhere you go is composed of people you know, your workplace, your church, your family, your school, even your local Chinese restaurant, all based on our need and natural inclination to build relationships.

I always wonder if I am being a good friend to my friends. If I am able to give them what they need out of our relationship. Right now, I feel like I'm a failure at relationships. I feel like I could have done something to help my friend out, I could have been there for her but then I stop and think; well, God put me here to be her friend now, not when I felt she needed me most. There must be a reason.

And God severely wants a relationship with us. He wouldn't of sent Jesus, if he still wanted meaningless sacrifices on altars and ritualized prayers. He sent Jesus so he could have a relationship with us. I know it sounds really ridiculous, but it reminds me of puppy love that couples get when they first date. They turn a blind eye to each others faults and while it's not a good thing sometimes, I think God is like that. He has a blind eye for us, because Jesus came and took away all of our faults. Our mistakes. So he could have a clearer relationship with us, without looking at all that is wrong with us. I think that's pretty cool.

I wish it were so easy with my friends here on earth. I desire to be a better friend to them. Even if I'm hundreds of miles away from each one, I want to know that they are okay, and still here.

So within the next few days I'm going to visit my friend who sorely needs help right now. That's stepping out of the box for me. She lives a few hours from me and I know (somehow) it's just one of those things I need to do.

Joyce Meyer Conference

I've been up to a lot lately.

Last weekend I went to a Joyce Meyer conference, and it was good. She always has a lot of good things to digest (and I mean digest) that we all just need to hear. This weekend was on the theme of Religion vs. Friendship. To sum it up, it took a closer look at our personal walk with God versus the regular same old la-te-da of going to church on Sundays. How to intergrate Jesus into our lives and not suppress the urge to include Him in other areas in our lives as well. Thank goodness she did not just do a do/don't list, (some preachers do this) she outlined how Christianity can become legalistic and ritualistic when Jesus plainly tells us to step out of the religious box.

Does this sound like a film rating or what?

I give it 4 1/2 stars.

I'm not a fanatic about speaking in tongues. Some people believe in this heavily, but personally I think it's every man for himself. If it helps your walk with God to speak in tongues, I'm all for it. Maybe I'm just too comfortable sitting in my box labeled "Walk with God" to venture out and pray to speak in tongues. But I see no reason to do it on a regular basis. The Holy Spirit is connected to God, they are one. Why would the Spirit need a way to communicate to God, if he is so tied? I really haven't studied it in the bible, so take this with a grain of salt.

A lot of times I see it as distracting, I have a hard enough time trying to focus on what I'm doing, let alone having people around me speak in other languages that I don't understand. I find that I try to understand their languages, instead of focusing on what's important... praising and worshiping God. Maybe that's why I don't even bother trying, simply because God wants me to worship Him, which I don't do enough of to begin with. I don't let myself.

These are all things to consider that I really don't want to get into at this time in my life.

The point was that during the conference she asked everyone to stand and try to speak in tongues. So in the 15 thousand people, I found myself silent in a stadium full of people talking in unintelligible languages, watching people around me like it was some weird B-rated movie. Besides being that it was an awkward feeling, it was interesting to think; How many think they are Christians because they believe they can speak in tongues? Is my walk barren because the things I believe are boxing me in? Is it that I am not open to the fact that there could possibly be more to my walk with God?

What is God looking for? What does He really yearn for in our relationship with Him? What makes Him decide to use us?

There's is only one way to answer these questions which thankfully Joyce hit at the end of the conference. Which happen to be the simplest three words I've heard in a long time. Read the Word. For all those Christians who believe they are christians because they speak in tongues, read the Word. For any one who is searching for those eternal answers that seem to have no end, read the Word. And for people like me, who can't seem to understand the point of believing in God without a why (but somehow still do) - who wants to have God use them in some way and know it is God who is using them (and not the devil) - who wants to be real to believers and non-believers about Christ, and there will be no question when they look at me that they'll think, 'yeah she's the good kind of Christian, the kind of Christian I want to be.'

(meekly said)...maybe we should read the Word too.

Ollie

So 4 isn't much worse than 3. I wasn't sure how my nephew would react to Aunt Mel. But he's taking it in stride. Better than I hoped. He started to fuss for a few minutes, so I figured, maybe he's hungry, after a diaper change. Well, he wasn't too interested.

Laurel comes in with the pacifier, takes off the top, and sticks it into Ollie's mouth. Ollie promptly falls asleep.

Laurel is going to be such a good mom.

Not only that but the first hour of Ollie was pure bliss.

Not what I imagined it to be like at all.

Thoughts.

Yet another funny turn in life.

This is rather silly and ridiculous. I pray when I need help, when I think God is amazing, any time of day or night, and any hour. I always hope for answers but I don't usually get answers.

When Josh prays, he gets results. Almost instantaneous answers. Super results. Him and God have this thing going on. And if I was sure God is male, I would call it a male bonding experience. But since God's neither and both, and none of the above, all, you get my point, Josh and God have a serious bond. That's so awesome, although I'm jealous. How can I get into a serious bond like that with God??? I suppose that kind of jealousy is the good kind...

Seriously though, I think I'm just going to forward my prayer requests to Josh from now on. I've been meaning to rely on my husband more for that kind of thing anyways. I need to, and he needs it. I seem to neglect to let him on problems going on in my life. Not only that but then I try to fix it myself, whether it's in prayer or the physical action of 'fixing'.

Just some thoughts.

I Dream Of Dara.

The bike ride we (now) will never forget.

Laurel asked to have the camera while we were on a bike ride. She actually didn't have too many bad shots. I refrained from including the 'back of mommy's trailer with Dara's head' shots or the 'daddy butt shots'. Although he did have an awesome pair of shorts on that day.

A house.

And you have to have the favorite or most interesting article shots, like...
the headband...


Or the pink sandal.


No photo shoot is complete without the smushed face shot.


But this picture surprised us most of all and made us laugh out loud. Looks like a simple shot of a guy in a go-cart like contraption, doesn't it? What you don't know, is this guy came flying out of nowhere and drove along side of us in this field, and Laurel actually got a shot of it!


My girl is a natural.

Laurel at Kids Kamp

Krispy Kreme

She just got hired.

In fact they like her so much they made her manager and she got to hire extras.


Yes. Cassie really did this.

Hey, Hollywood!

Graphite-handed.

We're not really sure if she thought we wouldn't be able to catch her...

but... we caught her red-handed.... well in pencil, does graphite-handed have the same meaning???

Update on the Great Gas Card Exchange

So a few weeks ago my father-in-law figured out there was a way I could beat Josh in the Speedy Rewards gas card race.

I traded gas cards with him because he drives a lot more than I do. It took him only a week to rack up 5 thousand points so my total is now past 11 thousand. I think I am now a thousand points ahead of Josh.

I am going to win this. What am I saying?! I am winning this!

I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to spend those points on, but knowing me it's going to be a really big free gas card. Hmm, now I have to look into that seriously.

Confidentiality

Somehow I never really thought about confidentiality until I had someone else talk about something I said to someone else that I considered 'not to leave the room.'

That's not to say I have never kept my mouth shut. I just assumed it was an unspoken rule, which of course I was assuming everyone else has the same standards as I have. And as the saying goes, to 'assume' is to make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'.

It began to really bother me. Like they spent too much time eavesdropping in my life, which isn't that lively or anything, and listening to outside sources to increase what they already know. Like I can never trust them with truths about myself, and in essence I just stop talking altogether because I know whatever I say will go even farther. I hate that place. I hate not having honesty and trust in a relationship, and I hate having conflict even more. Which the conflict probably will make things better, in the long run. Except by the time I choose conflict, it gets blown out of proportion, and suddenly everything is a big mess, that I naturally created. I'm one big disaster area when I have a problem with somebody. I don't say anything right, since I have no tact, so I'm totally misunderstood. Thus why I hate conflict.

Before I even choose conflict, I examine all relationships in my life in this area. Is someone else spreading around anything about me that I perceived was confidential??? And I start to doubt people who have never done a thing to me in my life, or if they have hurt me, then I add to the list I have tallied in my head of all the wrongs that I'm suppose to have forgiven but I'll keep it up on the board just in case I need to lash out when they have wronged me again. It's a defense mechanism. I know it's wrong, it's who I am, until God gives me grace to get past it. Once it gets past 77 x 7, my tally board doesn't look all too suspicious in my head.

LOL. Like I'm keeping count for God when they die or something. Yeah, I know it doesn't work that way.

Why can't we all be perfect and have perfect and satisfying relationships, that don't backstab, hurt other people or step on each other to make ourselves look that much better???

I wish perfect were possible.

Insomniac

Well I thought the furnace kept turning on tonight, (it's 1 am) as anyone in Michigan would tell you, it really shouldn't be. So I got up my mom, and we cleared the basement door and trampled down the steps. Finding out rather quickly that we had no light, I went back inside to find a flashlight that didn't work (why would it?) and got a lightbulb as well as 2 D batteries for the flashlight.

Mom went over to the furnace and took off the cover to hit the reset, when we discovered that it wasn't the furnace. Sump pump? Nope. Then it dawned on mom, she left the water running and it kept kicking on to fill the tank. Brilliant deduction, my dear Watson.

Pluit

Josh of course wants me to blog about his surgery he just had.

I told him, "Get your own blog." I believe that makes it 251 times I've told him that.

Make that 252.

This week was kids kamp. So I drove the girls each day to Riv, swearing after I picked them up that this was the last day they were going. However, I knew how much that they loved going, and they learned a lot.

These are the highlights of the week.

Cassie and I tried every braclet we could find in every store we went into.

Then we shopped for groceries, and found a fruit called a Pluit. It's basically an oval plum. But better. So I took probably 2 bites out of and Cassie finished it off. She was so disappointed when I told her to leave the pluit in the car until we got back from one of our errands.

And the cutest moments of all...

Dar said her first bible verse to her teacher this Sunday and got a treat.

Laurel decided to sit with me in church today, (she's so sweet) since Josh wasn't there to be with me. If you want to know why, tell him to get his own blog. So anyways, the pastor is talking about "the fall" of humanity, about Adam, and says, "then God sent his son to save us from this fall." Laurel pulls on my arm and whispers, "Hey mom!!!! He's talking about Jesus!" I laughed out loud and got a few strange looks.

Well here's a cuter story actually...

I was busy around the house and Josh was at the computer. Laurel told him that Cassie needed a diaper change, so he said he would get to it in a minute. I end up walking into the room several minutes later, to find a naked Cassie on the floor and Laurel wrapping up a wet diaper to throw away, wipe and all!!! She then tried to put on the diaper and had the tabs all set when I bent down to help her. I couldn't believe that Cassie was just taking it! She usually wiggles all over the place for me! I really should have Laurel change her more often.

That's what training will do for you. Except I didn't train her to do that. Talk about kids learning by example.

I didn't know I was such a good diaper changer.

I think I'm just catching up.

I have to be honest that I thought I didn't need to dream, or to have goals for the past few months. I was pretty set on not having any dreams at all. Or is that the other way around? I was so set on the fact of not being able to achieve my dreams that I told them to get lost. (that sounds more like me) And they did, for a while anyways. I had convinced myself that it was okay to be mundane, that if I stayed where I was at for the rest of my life, I'd be alright with that. Thinking upon that, it resolved the fact that it was okay to be where I am at in life, which up until then, I wasn't comfortable with that fact.

But I keep get little nudges and encouragement to be more. Like I can do more. And be someone I really like to be. Mel is not a bad person as she is. But you know me, I have that consistent drive to be an even better person than I was before. Even when I think that I am comfortable in my life, I have that ambition to rock the boat and make the waters crazy so that everyone around me (and me as well) can grow. I subconsciously do this, not in drama queen fashion at all.

I've never been the name dropper kind of person, if I do say someone's name, it's so that I can connect better with someone by knowing someone else. Certainly not to make myself look better. But I had someone who was dropping my name and we hardly talk to each other, yet I kept hearing it! Quite flattering actually. They just haven't learned yet that it's not going to get them anywhere by dropping my name. I'm not famous yet.

Which reminds me. I was shopping with my sister-in-law, and I like to tease the cashiers when I go to pay for my things. This is extremely fun for me. The best thing to do is say their name, and they are all confused that I know who they are, forgetting their tag is on their shirt. Makes me laugh every time. Maybe that's why I do it, just to make me laugh... Anyways I was in a store and he asked me for my autograph (ie sign credit card slip) so I said, If I give you my autograph will you frame it? He looks up at me and asks, are you going to be famous in the next five years? Oh probably not, I said. Then he said, I'd still frame it anyways. Awesome.

Now that's flattering. Alright, it wasn't that flattering, it was just fun.

Anti-gay 'rights' (yeah right)

I happened to catch on the news about the anti-gay protest at a funeral of an American soldier. I was disgusted. The first thing I thought was, what a poor example of Christianity they are setting. I hate being a Christian in times like this.

God doesn't hate people because they sin, he hates their sin. I doubt that God has given up on people who decide that being gay is their lifestyle. Just like He hasn't given up on people who murder, cheat, steal, lie, or run a stop sign. Heck, I even run stop signs sometimes. Not on purpose, mind you. I just did it maybe a month ago. They put in a stop sign, maybe 3 months ago on Airport, and I simply forgot it was there. It was stupid. But God isn't going to hate me for that. Jesus insures that He has forgiven our sins. What makes gay people any different???

Maybe it's because I just don't see that much crap in my world. They believe they are doing the right thing, but they are going about it the wrong way. And that's what makes me angry. It infuriates me. Makes me just burn inside. Why is it that they aren't showing that God loves them, I mean how many times does love show up in the bible, you'd think that it'd be beaten into our heads, but no, we take one little stinking verse out and try to beat it into non-christians. God holds Christians accountable to their actions, not the people who don't believe in Him. So go ahead. Yell, 'they are going to hell.' I bet not one of them are going to come up to the group of anti-gay protestors, profess their sins and accept Jesus Christ as their savior in any of their demonstrations.

I want to scream that God isn't like these people at all.

I just hate the unfairness of it all.

Grainy and Coarse.

Today I seem to have tons of time. They moved church times back for the summer. And I only have 2 girls today, since Laurel is spending the night with Grandma.

I've come to the official conclusion that I am not always forthright when I speak. I've always known it, but I don't think I've just blantly said it. I think that is what my last post was all about. I don't regret writing it, but I regret the fact that I didn't say overall I do the same thing and I'm trying to correct it in my life.

Here's where the line is drawn. As much as I would like others to say exactly what they mean without sugar coating it, I really can't change the person they are. That concept has been almost beaten into me for years, but I still hold standards for other people that sometimes are very unrealistic for whatever reason. Josh likes to say that I motivate others to want to be better people. As much I want to help people to achieve their successes in life, sometimes people just don't care to be motivated, (the positive term) or manipulated (the negative term), whichever way they see it. I can get a bit grainy and coarse.

However I usually have good intentions. When I speak my mind it goes way out of whack, just because I can't seem to get how I feel out in words. Words that don't hurt or offend. That would be why I would rather not talk in the first place or skim the surface. I don't want others to get to know what I believe in could be wrong, that my view of things is skewed by my enviroment. That I would look foolish to them.

Actually we have this guy in our study that I really admire. He is so open and honest that even when he doesn't know what is going on, he admits to it and laughs at himself. I wish I could laugh when I'm being ridiculous. When I'm wrong and I've changed my mind. I'm so stubborn that I'd rather hold onto what's wrong than grasp what is right.

And I want to change that about me.

Another one of those disclaimer blogs.

I want to get a ton done today, but I'm really lethargic. Ever have those days?

I started out my run really enthusiastic. I was going to try going 5 miles like last week, but I got to a mile and found out I just couldn't do it today, so I turned around and ran all the way back, a full 2 miles total. Which isn't bad, I make sure I do that every day at least, just to keep my moods from plummeting.

Hopefully I won't be disappointed in what I do accomplish today.

We went to our bible study on Sunday, and a number of things happened. It was freezing outside, and I was more than ready to sit down and discuss Romans. But the door was locked. 5 of us made it to the study and we stood outside for a few minutes just waiting for the door either to magically open or someone to drop by with a key. Neither happened. So we went to the local Beaners and drank coffee while studying Romans. What could be better than that????

Well even better is the discussion we ended up having, I really learned a lot. The other 4 people are super intelligent, and knew a lot of the background stuff that I didn't know at all. Which is actually pretty usual, as it is that I'm not a scholar by any means. But sometimes ideas fly over my head, because it just doesn't matter to me. This time I was getting concepts that I would consider to be "over my head", that I had no idea I even knew anything about it. I mean these guys are all college grads, some with a masters, entering doctoral programs and then there's me sitting there on my high school diploma.

I'm not saying I am stupid. I'm just not as well educated.

Then we got a phone call that was one of those incovenient hard to manage request calls. If you can understand that. Well, BJ had taken out some carpet in his house and needed the truck (the truck basically gets passed around from Pung house to Pung house, even though it is officially Glenns). Josh picked up the culverts earlier this week so we could finish our driveway and have it drain properly. These culverts are extremely heavy and awkward, so we were planning on leaving them in the truck and dropping them right into the hole when they finished digging on Saturday. However, BJ decided he had to get his carpet out the next day and had to have the truck. Which means we would be taking out the culverts and delivering the truck. How BJ expected us to be able to take out those culverts with one man in the house is beyond me, but he doesn't think of those things. This seriously isn't an attack on his character, I love him to death just like he were my own brother, however that's just who he is.

And Josh being who he is, fiddled around with logistics, while on the phone, that no one could come to an agreement, so it was a pointless waste of breath. However in my mind, it was already taken care of, that we were going to accomplish it whether it killed us or not. I didn't know how or what but I knew it would.

So after I reassured him many times, Josh finally hung up. We get home and I ask my brother who happens to be home at the right time, (Thank you!) he watched the girls sunday, (Thank you! Thank you!!!!) so they manage to get the culverts out and to the side of the driveway. It'll be interesting when they have to drag them into the holes on Saturday, but whatever. The truck is all ready Monday morning, as promised.

He doesn't want it Monday.

He decided he would do it Wednesday since there was no definitive answer or progress of the conversation.

I could be so extremely angry, but I'm not. Several things went awry here. Communication skills in the Pung family are seriously out of whack. Say what you mean people! No means no, yes means yes, and I really don't give a crap means.... alright you get the point. Or maybe it's just that we aren't getting to the point. What is the point of this conversation? Why is it that it can't just be said out loud, plain and simple???

Like...

(Oh great, I know where this is going... it's not going to be pretty) We were planning on "donating" our junk on junk day in St. Johns. Now this is seriously an offense to St. Johnzens, the only people who can dump their junk are people who live in town. It's wrong in the first place. I know this, I really wanted no part of this. But you know me, I don't say anything and Glenn and Ava said we could bring some stuff in and put it out that day. Great! we thought, get rid of some stuff. Well that was until Ava heard something, that someone got fined and couldn't participate in the trash pick up for 2 years because their neighbor thought someone else had brought in trash and told whoever is in charge of trash pickup day. Anyways this huge excuse and my point really is that when they came to our house, they told us this little story, then said it's only 15 bucks to drop off stuff at Granger. I totally missed the point until Josh told me later that they were saying we couldn't drop off stuff.

Then I was livid.

Why, oh why, didn't they just come out and say, I don't want you to drop off your trash? Why make it so that a complete genius had to figure out what they were saying??? This was the second year they have done this to us. That made me even madder. But I think the reason I was really mad was because it was in hidden messages of what they really wanted to say. It all comes back to how inferior they made me feel, like I am less than what I am really worth. I know I'm not the smartest person, but I'm not a complete idiot. It made me so angry that I didn't get it the first time around and they didn't just come right out and say it. I had to pray really hard to get over my anger and forgive them.

You'll never guess what helped me get over my anger.

The fact that it was wrong in the first place and I didn't even really want to do it anyways. Just now I had an excuse to do the right thing.

Isn't that ridiculous???

I have several points to this. Number 1, please just say what you mean. Josh spent a good 20 minutes "talking" with BJ, without any end result, so no one knew what the goal was. And number 2, when you want to do the right thing, just speak up and do the right thing. It'll save you a ton of time and hassle, and then some.

Here is the disclaimer: This entire blog it is not meant to hurt or offend anyone who is reading. Merely I am striving to tell the truth as I see it. Whether that truth is skewed or tainted, I am willing to admit when I am wrong, no matter how much I get angry or feel like I've been mistreated or represented in any way. Please understand I am human. I will get angry and out of control. And I will see truth one way that may not actually be the way things are. But to me it is my truth. I will stand to be corrected, but I will not stand excuses.

And I will cry and be at your mercy. That is who I am. Emotional, chaotic, striving for excellence, finding what's wrong and making it right, changing what I believe to be truth to what actually is the truth, and more than vunerable...

In other words: I am Human.

Stories in my life

After I told about my “magic” eraser, I started to think about all the things that have happened to me in just the last few days. I didn’t realize all the millions of stories I have to tell just from even a week ago.

Like:

To update the speedy rewards card story, I have filled up both vehicles with my card since. Josh filled his car with me, and I snuck out of the car and pulled out my rewards card before he even got to the pump. He thought that was pretty sneaky. Then yesterday my mom and I filled up our gas cans for the tractor and she had forgotten her card so I got to use mine. I think my total is past 6500!!! I started at 4 thousand I think.

Or:

Laurel got into the van after we finished shopping yesterday and made sure that my mom and I had grabbed our purses out of the cart and put them in the van.

Which brings me to:

A few weeks ago, I went to pick up the wheelbarrow tire and left my wallet on the shelf where the tire once was. Laurel reminded me that I didn’t have my wallet on me when we got to the end of the aisle.

It’s a proven fact now that I leave my wallet places without even thinking about it.

Today I put my wallet in my pocket, which isn’t an easy feat and it dropped out, not once, but twice onto the floor.

Then I walked out of the gym, and I had sweated through my shirt. So we walked outside to Sam’s car as the cold whipped around. It felt really good. So good I didn’t even think about it as I slipped into the passenger seat and sat back right into the ice cold sweat patch and let out this geeky squeal. After I told Sam what had happened, she bust a gut.

We were playing Password at my in-laws, which is where you have your partner guess with one word clues what the word is on your card. And one member of the opposite team also is trying to make his partner guess the same word, both teams go back and forth until someone gets it. The points are dependant on how fast you guess the word. Well being the genius I am, Josh lets out an, oh crap, as he looks at the word, which is restaurant. I take a look and think hey that’s not hard, but instead of saying “It’s not a hard word,” I say, “It’s not a restaurant!” Then Josh gives me a look of horror as I realize what I had said and bust out laughing. I get Josh going in this fit of laughter, since it’s really contagious. Even Sam and Ava, who have no idea what the word is, start laughing uncontrollably. “They didn’t hear you.” Josh says. “She said, ‘It’s not a restaurant.’” Ava says somewhat confused and we start laughing even more. She still had no clue that I had given away the clue itself. Glenn is the score keeper so he says, “I’ve got to see this word.” When he sees it, he actually laughed out loud. So I start roaring and tears were streaming down my cheeks. “I’ve never seen you laugh until you cry!” exclaims Sam. Finally we calm down and Josh has to give the first clue. “Eatery.” He says. “Do I dare say restaurant???” asks Ava. And Sam and Ava start to laugh even harder when they realize that I had said the word aloud. “I thought I was saying ‘It’s not a hard word!’” I protested.

Oh well. Perfection was never one of my strong points.

Magic Eraser's Are Magic!

I bought a 4 pack of magic erasers. When I got home I put away all my groceries, then thought about the table where one of the girls had accidentally gotten some marker on the table. Thinking of the erasers, I pull them out, and open the box.

However.

The box was empty. I think I stood there in shock for at least a minute, just staring at the box. The erasers were magic alright, they managed to do a disappearing act. So I called the store and they exchanged them no problem. But it sure got a good laugh when I came in.

"So...you bought a box huh?"

You have to understand I have never stolen anything in my life. The closest I came to stealing something was when I was a kid and we used to pick the fake flowers off the floors that had fallen off in craft stores. But we didn't know any better, I was only 4 years old at the most. My dad found out that my brother and I had been doing it, and he took us right to the cashier to show what we had done. The cashier was like, "Oh it's okay, they can have them" My dad said, "No, they can't." "Really, it's okay, they can have them." But my dad firmly said it again, "No, they can't."

Or the time that Dar was riding in the stroller and swiped a flashlight off a shelf and I didn't know it. When we got outside, she wanted to open it, and then I realized what she had done. We marched right back into the store and gave it to the cashier.

So to open an empty box, I thought of a thousand horrible things they could have thought about me. That I had taken out the erasers and returned the box to get more for free. Or used them up in a time span of 2 hours (seriously not possible unless you have 4 people cleaning like mad at one time.) No one was there to witness me opening the box. I didn't take pictures or anything. I thought, "How am I suppose to prove I opened an empty box???" I figured I had thought of all the things I would never consider doing in my lifetime. Things I don't do simply because it is wrong. I'm a bit of a prude when it comes to that. I like to call it integrity and honesty.

And if I was really wanted to steal something, I wouldn't steal a box of magic erasers for $3.42.

No more.

It's pretty quiet around here today. Dar and Laurel are still asleep and the only ones awake are me and Cassie. And although I have Cassie with her booming deep (for a kid) voice, awake, it's still nice and relaxing. I have a really nice family.

In fact, she put on Laurels jacket and said to me, Want help? So I helped her with the zipper. Last Wednesday she put on my sweater that was longer and looked like yoda in jedi robes (minus the green puppet look). Very cute. No picture we took of her did it justice.

I'd like to give Laurel the nickname, Rory, because I really like the name. But, I know that won't go over well. I can hear her saying, no I'm Laurel, over and over again.

I'd also like to have another daughter and name her Mikayla, and for that matter I'd like a son to name him John William, because it humors me that he would be named after a famous composer of our time, and still have the dignity of his last name. But the fact that I really don't want to have anymore kids is a bit stronger, so I'll keep dreaming. Such is life.

It's really not that I don't want to have more kids, I just don't feel like I have the capablity to have more kids and still stay sane. I wouldn't be able to devote time to each kid the more I have, I mean as it is, if I had 16 hours I am awake in a day and divided it per kid, I would have 5 1/3 hours to spend with them each day. And it would lessen with each kid. I'd feel so guilty.

The Girls, the Baby and the Preschool Graduation.

We went over to see baby Oliver with the girls. They were so excited to have a new baby cousin. Even if all he does is look at you in baby wonder. The girls all cooed over him, called him Baby Oliver, and rubbed his head. They were beyond excited. Laurel and Dar got to hold him. That's girls for you. Melt into butter the minute a little baby is around.

It was encouraging to see how Cassie would react to a baby. She's quite the bully if she doesn't get her way, although in the last few months it has slacked off considerably. But when she saw Oliver, she was all about being near him, eventually though it wore off and she went to play off on her own. I was hoping she wouldn't be jealous.

Laurel's graduation is this week. Personally I think it is silly they have a graduation for preschoolers, but I know for Laurel it will signify the end of the school year. She's very routine oriented, and likes to have things done a certain way. It'll help her to see we are having a party for finishing preschool.

But you can't help but smile at all the squirming 4 or 5 year olds up on the stage, who have no clue what they are doing up there, looking out at the crowd of people. If you have ever seen a play or christmas musical with small kids, you know exactly what I mean. I can imagine the overenthusiastic parents now, pushing their way up front with their video cameras, pushing people aside in their "bless your heart" kind of way.

Oh yes. I love America.

Santa

My sister-in-law finally had her baby on Wednesday. It's a boy. Finally the Pung family has a boy to carry on the name. It seems so fitting that they have a boy. His name? Oliver Cole. I have already threatened to call him Coley. Coley is not a bad name, they just hate it and are planning on shooting me if it sticks. Somehow I think that kid will always be called Oliver. Just a hunch. Laurel was suppose to be a Laurie. The rest of my girls have nick-names, why not Laurel??? Strange world.

We've been trying to potty train Dar. And this week went better than last. She got sick of me setting the timer each hour to go to the bathroom, all week long, and has been asking to go now. She has made it a few times. Even when we are out shopping. Especially when we are shopping, she likes going to the bathroom in other places. Go figure.

I told Melissa that her boy would have no problems in sports, since my girls are so active. I wouldn't be surprise if any of them made pros of some sport.

Okay, I didn't read the article, but I just saw the title, and it was; I'm named after a food! by Chris Rice. I don't think the article is by Chris Rice, but about Chris Rice and how he felt about being named after a food. That's just insane. But fun in a good clean kind of fun way.

My married name is Pung which is German for sleigh maker. I had a guy the other day ask me if I was an elf and in anyway involved with Santa. I wish I would have thought of a really great retort to that, but I lamely laughed. I could have said so many things!

Like...
Yeah, me and Santa go way back. Or
No, I'm an elvish impersonator. Or
made up some crazy story about how Santa choose between Josh's family and the elves and it was this big struggle, so anyways, the elves won by magic (always do) and that's the reason we are so dirt poor. We messed up our chance for fame and riches! Could you imagine if it was Santa and his Pungs??? The girls wouldn't have to worry about paying for college, they'd go to school to be sleigh makers. I wonder which Pung decided that sleigh making wasn't for them???

It was Santa that broke the whole thing up. All those dashed dreams. I'm surprised the Pungs even believe in Santa anymore.

Laurel is smart.

Laurel is obsessed with footwear of any kind. She doesn't go out the front door without something on her feet.

So it doesn't surprise me that she went outside with Uncle Bear (my brother Jeff) and Dar with her sandals on her feet.

They were playing outside and Jeff accidentally stepped on some prickers. "Ouch!" he said, pulled the prickers out of his feet and went on playing. Dar managed to step on something a few minutes later and said "Owie!" "Are you okay Dar?" Jeff asked, and checked out her feet to make sure no damage was done. "Yeah I okay."

Just then Laurel looked up at them with a smug look of; hah, I'm smarter than you, and said, "Uncle Bears feet has owies, Dars feet has owies, and Laurel has sandals."

Yes, she really was the smart one this time.

Improv

Josh decided that we needed to get my sister-in-law out of the house. She's pregnant for her first child and past her due date, and if anyone knows about pregnancy, that's seriously a bad thing.

So we picked them up on Sunday to go on a picnic. It was a beautiful day. The sun was out, wind blowing, it was an amazing day to be at a park where the kids were playing while we talked. Laurel comes over to the table and says she has to go to the bathroom. Alright, I'll take you, I say. So we go to where the bathrooms are and the building is locked. "It's locked. Do you think you can hold it until we leave?" "Sure." Five minutes later, Laurel runs up and says, I have to go to the bathroom. "Well, there is a building over there, maybe they'll have a bathroom." We walk over to find the building is a concession stand, and it's packed with people who look strangely alike. Family Reunion. No bathrooms. "I don't know what to tell you. I guess we'll have to drive somewhere for a bathroom."

But it was too late, we didn't even make it to the van and she let it all out, soaking the bottom half of her body. The poor kid was devastated. So my sister-in-law and I took her over to the van to look at our options of clothes and whatnot. Nothing. No extra pants, dresses, or even towels. I knew we had diapers so at least the important parts of her body would be covered and plenty of wipes to clean up the disaster area. I couldn't decide whether to be angry or compassionate. I don't think either came across, although I felt bad for Laurel, I thought a perfect day had been ruined because I didn't think to ask her before we went. So my sister-in-law decided that her and Laurel would camp out in the van while I got to eat the rest of my lunch and clean up the table. That's how sweet my sister-in-law is. I don't know how she does it.

Defeated, I went back to the table, and told the guys we couldn't find any pants for Laurel. "All she has is two shirts.... oh! Two shirts!" I said again. I gave an impish grin and turned to go back to the van. "We can use the second shirt as a skirt." My sister-in-law laughed and said, "I'm really learning a lot (about parenting) today."

Laurel had the time of her life on the playground, parading around in a diaper and a shirt for a skirt. She looked surprisingly cute. It reminded me of Sound of Music when Maria makes clothes out of curtains for the kids to play in. I finally understand her excitment and joy. I have never been so relieved that what was a disaster, worked out so well.

The Great Gas Card Exchange

Josh has had a speedy rewards card for over 3 years. And I had been asking him to get me a card, on the same account so I could put points up when I fill. I wasn't going to use those keycard ones, since when I fill, I have the girls with me. It's very pointless to drag 3 girls into the gas station just so I can get reward points.

I ended up getting my own account, and made it this war to see who will win and get the free gas card first.

Well Josh thought he was so smart, one day and nicely pumped my gas for me, using his speedy rewards card.

"This means war!!!" I shouted at him.

So for the last month I've been plotting and planning on how I could get him back.

I filled up my gas tank in my van. Then when Josh got home, I found his wallet, and switched the speedy rewards cards. On Saturday, I went out with my mom to get gas for the tractor and was forced to put a few points on his rewards card. Ah!

However, he filled up his car and didn't even notice. When we went to church on Sunday, I needed to fill up the van again, so I sweetly asked, "Honey? Will you fill up the tank while I wash my windows?" Sure he says. Pulls out his card and pumps my gas.

Then he says, "Of course I'll pump the gas for you, I'm using my rewards card. Ha ha ha ha!" Ha ha I thought, if only he knew I had switched them while he was gloating!

We pull out of the station, and he says, "Oh look I have 4 thousand points." As if it's a good thing.
I couldn't contain myself,"Didn't you have eight thousand before?"
"No"
"Yes you did, when you picked up the rewards flyer to see what you could get, you had 8 thousand points."
"Huh. They must have gyped me a few points."
I couldn't help but give him that mischievous grin, the grin I usually get when I'm up to something.
"You. You spent my points!"
"Oh no, it's better than that."
"You switched them!!!"
"I sure did."
"Jerk! You sneaky jerk! I filled up this week too! How long has it been switched???"

I was hoping for it to be better than that, but after I realized in horror that he didn't even know his own point total, I had to intervene. I guess I could of just kept his card and said I had 8 thousand points, but I want to beat him on my card not by stealing his. It wouldn't be nearly as fun as doing it this way.

If Josh was anything like my brother, he would have already thought of how to get me good. But Josh isn't. He just isn't any fun. He's too nice. Oh well, I had fun with it.

Defeat

Josh has started to go on bike rides with me. We decided to buy two bike trailers so we could take the kids along. Well we got them today, and found out that Josh's boss has been meaning to get rid of his, so he's going to check to make sure it still works, and the beauty of buying online at department stores is that I can take it back to the store for a full refund, instead of shipping it back.

Well it took me all of 5 minutes to figure out how to put it together. It folds nicely, it goes together perfect, so far, I'm in love with it.

However.

I take it out to my bike, and my bike has hated me from day one. I tried to get a bolt off of the bike and no way. Not possible. Several bumps, scraps, bruises, and swearing later, about an hour later to be exact, I admit defeat.

I'm not a man. I say. I don't have the pulling nor pushing power of a man who can manipulate tools to do what you want them to. It's like they call out all the tool gods and together they bond in some obscure ritual to obtain their goal. And do they ever obtain it. In less than 2 seconds.

Quick ritual.

I've been waiting for my chance to succeed today. You know what I did?

Sat down at the computer and downloaded an anti-virus that I also got today.

I can do that.

It doesn't take a man or tool gods for that. Just common sense.

I can handle that.

Today

I know I haven't blogged in a while. We have 4 computers in our house, and 3 of them are out of order. Leaving the slowest computer of them all, online. All quirks should be worked out at the end of this week.

It's so odd how much I miss being online. I didn't realize how much my life depends on it. I pay my bills, check my accounts, blog, shop, sell, it's crazy how many hours go into it.

We are so fortunate to be able to get information all at one time. I listen to the radio for my news strangely enough. It's funny because each time I tell Josh I heard some news on the radio he always says, "Well they have a liberal slant you know." Like I don't know. No matter where you go for your information, you have to filter it out for yourself. I'm not a big news kind of person anyways, which is one of the reasons I listen to it on the radio. Something amazing could happen and I would be the last person to know it. I really just don't care.

However when I actually care about something, I research the heck out of it. The most recent (which isn't that recent) research was that I heard about the Judas "gospel" and wanted to learn what it was about. I like to listen to all sides, and figure out how I actually feel about it. Unless someone brings up a good point to sway my opinion, I tend to hold to it. I am open to change. I don't claim to be the smartest person alive, but I'm not a total idiot either.

52 pick up

Have you ever played 52 pick up?

When I was a kid my cousins always asked me this question. It only took once for me to learn that when you answered no, they’d then toss a deck of cards, all 52, in the air and promptly tell you, “Now, pick them up.”

My girls have no concept of what 52 pick-up is. However I got off my computer to walk into our dining room with 23 (I counted) decks of cards splattered all over the dining room floor. So that’s 52 x 23, which is 1196 pick-up, give or take a few that have been lost over the years, that all needed to be sorted back into their individual boxes. It was a long hour.

They weren’t being bad, they just had no idea that it took that much time to pick up that many cards and sort them.

Just news

I can't wait for it to get warm outside. Really warm. I can't wait for summer. I might even get the rest of the garage cleaned out this year. The girls are old enough to be outside in my sight and they usually listen. Which is huge. Last year Cassie would take off and you had to keep an extra eye out for her.

Josh

Josh said I always make him out to be the bad guy on my blog.

I don't mean to, if that's what you're thinking, he just happens to get caught in the middle, that's all. He was shocked that yesterday I wrote something nice about him.

I think he's going overboard actually. He wants fame and glory. I told him to get his own blog.

That's the price you pay for being truthful in writing. Should give everyone the inspiration to be nicer to me huh?

The girls have been watching the disney classics of mickey mouse, donald, chip and dale, pluto and goofy. It's this 8 hour tape of short disney cartoons and has this really cheesy 80s prime time disney show at the end. It's fun. You don't get cartoons like that anymore.

Good stuff.

Learning.

I sit down to write these posts and actually find out what I'm really struggling with.

I have so much to learn.

I've never been a studious kind of person. While I don't mind reading, I can't seem to focus on something I know I need to learn, but am totally not interested in. I may want the end result but getting there is treacherous.

I can be diligent, and because I know that, it makes it ten times harder to be evenly balanced.

I've thought for a long time I was afraid of rejection. But I find that I am more afraid of being disappointed when I don't reach my high expectations. It has nothing to do with other people at all. I am afraid of the pitfalls that drag me down from the usual daily events. Because; I am so easily influenced by my environment.

I have to be esspecially careful when I'm with other people that I am thinking my own thoughts and not try to think along the same as theirs. I'm horribly empathetic. I am not persuasive, and have a lack of tact.

I never seem to see when I help people, because I am so extremely being myself that I'm not even watching. Like I stop looking at things when I open my mouth and start sharing ideas that I have thought about for a long time. Josh watches that way more than I do when he talks. I watch people when my mouth is off the clock. I know that's when I learn more as well.

Then Josh will say, you know when you were saying -insert Mel thought here-? They were drinking that all in, wanting to hear more of what you had to say. "What?" I'd say, "Listening...to me???" Since when am I wise?

What am I waiting for anyways? Wisdom? Expirence? Because I know I'm still learning I know I'm waiting for the perfect time; the time I stop learning and know everything. Yeah, insert laughter here.

Remember? I'm not that studious. I've lost millions of hours of learning to mindless things. Wise?! I'm a fool. I will always be a fool. But in my struggle with life, I will strive for wisdom.

That's all we can ask for.

Heart of Gold

Today is suppose to be gorgeous out. We will see.

Laurel's teachers are coming out to the house to visit us. Laurel got to meet her new teacher, and it's a woman I've known since I was really little. She looks at me and says, "You look awfully familiar." "Yes, I am Tonie's daughter." (No, I didn't say Mel...) "Melanie? No way! I am old enough already!" It'll be interesting how Laurel will do this year. This teacher has a tendency to be negative, but I think it will do Laurel some good to start to deal with people in a positive manner, who don't tend to be so. Especially in authority.

That's one of those things I learned in my life that has helped me a lot. Realizing the authority that has been put over me, and respecting it. I think it really stemmed from starting to care about elections when I got old enough to vote and noticing other areas of my life which I was being disrespectful. I will be honest. I disagree with a lot of what Gov. Granholm does and says, but she has been put into authority for my state for a reason. I respect the fact that God has given her the opportunity to serve the people of Michigan. My mouth tends to get me into trouble (doesn't it all of us???) in this area, but sometimes you have to respect the office, if you don't respect the person. She has a hard job. No one can deny that.

When I was a teen, our church had a change of pastors. I realize this happens quite often for some churches, but this pastor had been there for years on end. And it divided the church over a stupid matter that had happened in the church. I believed in that pastor, and in my stubbornness I decided that I wasn't going to like any pastor they put into office after that. Just to be stubborn.

We had an interim pastor put in, and I rejected him simply because he wasn't my old pastor. I totally disrespected him, in every way possible. I was a pretty stubborn kid.

But I wanted a job like most teens do. The pastors wife just happened to ask me to clean her house, once a week, usually on Saturday mornings. So the pastor would come home for lunch and we would all sit around the table and eat. He would ask me questions and talk about different things, most of which I don't remember now. Slowly I found that I actually like the man, he wasn't the horrible beast I had imagined he would be. He always said, "The best times and talks we ever had with our family is around the dinner table. My family and I would sit for hours just talking with each other after we had eaten." And true to his word, when I would work there, after we had eaten lunch, we would take some time afterwards and talk. It was the best time. It's one of those frozen memories in my heart.

Now this pastor was brutally honest. He would talk openly about even the sensitive issues. He loved with his whole heart and wasn't choosy who he loved. Where the first pastor bowed out, this pastor stood and guided our church, no matter what other people said about him.

I admire his integrity. I may of said that when I turned 18 I started to respect authority, but I admit that it started much earlier than that.

I actually wrote a song about him. Here's the lyrics.

Heart of Gold
I once knew a man with a heart of gold, he walked with God by his side.
He knew when he needed help with his life, and I stood and watched.
As he knelt and prayed, he prayed for my soul that I would seek God's face.
As I watched him pray, God wanted me to see the fullness of His grace.

This man loved to listen to the lives of other men, and tell stories of his youth.
He spoke of integrity and morals he never had, until he sought God's only truth.
And he wept and prayed with all the people that he touched, he wanted them to see God's place.
And I wasn't the only one he wanted to see, God was also seeking my face.

And one day he fell like all men do, he wasn't yet lost to this life.
He called me to help and this is what he said he saw while he slept last night.
"I'd walked into the light and saw God's face, and now I'm going to go home."
And when he died then I knelt and prayed so I wouldn't have to face it alone.

I don't have to face it alone.

So I wept that night and prayed to this God that he wept and prayed to before.
I'm sure he prayed for my life to reflect the beauty of God's pure heart of gold.

God's man has a heart of gold.
Of gold...
I hope to have the heart of gold.


That's it. Maybe one day I'll get a recording up here, quite honestly I don't know how, and haven't really looked.

Sorry for the long post. It seems kind of preachy and discombobulated, all at the same time.