I'm so excited!

I've been working on a melody for a few months and today, I broke into something I really am freakishly excited about. I had this really great verse I wanted to use with a song, but it just didn't fit with the idea I had today and I had to put it aside reluctantly. I believe it was John Lennon who said (and I'm absolutely paraphrasing here) that sometimes when you're writing a song you have to throw out lines and sometimes whole verses, even when they are good, to get the song right. An unfortunate truth I think. Actually it helped me a lot in songwriting, and I'm not even particularly a John Lennon fanatic or anything. I mean he's good, I just haven't taken the time to listen to his songs (minus the Beatles) and I seriously want to. Just haven't. Anyways, I finished a song. I'm so excited!

These kind of days I can't wait until Josh gets home and I get to do my 'See what I did' dance.

This is the Mel I know and love.

Bizarre.

So bizarre couple of days. I think when Josh leaves for work before the girls get to say good morning, it leaves us in a world of bizarre.

I found a cat this morning. However it was definitely an inside cat, so I knocked on doors and found the owner down the street. What a pretty cat. I would have adopted it in a heartbeat. It had an amazing beige long haired coat, and it's boots were brown. When it walked you could see it's 'thumb,' and it's eyes were a crystal clear blue. It loved to be loved and held.

Our cat is tearing apart our Christmas tree. It's driving me nuts. I can't wait until Christmas is over so I can take it down and not have to get after the cat every time I step out of the living room. Seriously, I've taken to walking back into the living room after I leave, just to make sure he hasn't jumped into it. He's caught onto my trick, because he now waits rather patiently for my second time around, gives me this innocent 'not doing anything to that tree' look, before he attacks. This could be why I wasn't blessed with a male child. I have a male cat to contend with instead.

It was really nice of him when he curled up on my lap for breakfast this morning though. Sometimes he's on my side, like last night when I fed him a piece of chicken while Josh was watching his football game. He went so wild over it that he started going after Josh's chicken. That was fun.

Sometimes that cat acts like such a child.

And so do I.

My cat likes to play tricks.

We have bi-fold closet doors. I am constantly closing closet doors so I wouldn't be surprised if Jetta got stuck once or twice in the closet. But have no fear. He has learned to open bi-fold doors. I'm never in the closet when he does it, but I'm guessing that he pushes his paw against the inside of the door and it opens just enough for him to peek his head out. I've seen him stick his head out the door and watch me, watching him.

He likes to play games like that. The moment we are ready to go outside, he bolts for the front door so we have to coax him to go back inside.

He sneeks into the girls room at night when he knows full well that he's going to get kicked out.

He runs for the workroom door downstairs and suddenly is very quiet, hoping that I will leave him in there, so he can yowl at me to open the door and let him out.

He runs to use the litter box when I am cleaning it out. And if it is not cleaned out about every other day, he will nip and cry at you until it is done.

He will sit at the office window and yowl at the bus stop kids, because he wants to be outside with them.

He's really not that bad of a cat, minus getting on the table and attacking the christmas tree. It's like he has ADD for cats. He gets plenty of attention just from the girls alone.

He just likes to play tricks on us.

Curtains and cats

I have been looking for curtains for the office and my bedroom. I'm an extremely picky person when it comes to furnishing my home. But the price also has to be right. Sometimes I break down and pay the high price for something I absolutely love, or I convince myself that it will go on sale and I will be the super sale shopper and wait until it does. Then I never go back because usually I forget that I am a super sale shopper.

I found these,






I love the sheer in the middle. I want them in black, which they have.







But I'm not impressed enough to pay the price. Not yet anyways. It might be forgotten.

And with how my window is made, I might have to cut them down to the size of my window and hem them, which I think would take away the total effect of the curtains.

My cat just got into the girls milk glasses and spilled them. Sometimes I really love my cat because he's quirky and amazing, but he drives me crazy when he gets on the table, or attacks the christmas tree.

Yeah.

My cat attacks our christmas tree and it's not even decorated. What is he going to do when I put ornaments on it?

Music

So my favorite musicians right now are:

Brett Dennen: It feels like I'm Darlin', in his song 'Darling Do Not Fear'. I'm afraid of so many things, that this song reminds me that I don't have to be afraid of everything. I also like his song 'Ain't No Reason'. Very visual.
Marie Digby: Does anyone remember the remake of 'Umbrella'? My girls love this song. She also has a song called 'Spell' that I like. Soulful. What an amazing voice. Reminds me of Amy Lee's voice, who is better known as Evenescence.

I guess I'm an imagery kind of person. I envision things when they are sung. It's kind of like when you smell something that reminds you of something in the past. Sometimes when I pass the cleaning carts in hotels, the sanitary smell reminds me of my dad's hospital room when I was younger.

I've wooed my cat into sitting on my lap and not nipping. No, I didn't bribe him. He knows when I'm at the computer and he climbs into my lap, he's going to get scratched on the head. He likes being kissed on top of the head. I guess he knows that he's loved even when I get him in trouble.

Top Ten Gifts for Her.

I just can't leave the girls out.

Girlie Girl- Pink. Everything is pink, frills, feathers, and dresses. Sometimes overwhelmingly so.
Executive Woman- The real power behind the power suits, pencil skirts, and heels.
The Fashionista- Gucci. Prada. The realities that make Ugly Betty so popular.
Super Mom- Who can't but love this group of ever going faithful women who take care of the children of our future. Subgroups in this category include (but are not limited to): Doctor Mom, Soccer Mom, and Mom the Tyrant.
Martha Stewart Devotee- Ahhh, it's the holidays again and we can't do it all; without the simple tips from Martha.
Female Techie- Why couldn't they have had a better name like Gadget Guru that the guys get for this category??? Makes all of the electronic friendly gals sound super dorky.
Accessories Addict- This lovely addition adores the little things in life, and takes an expensive look at your wallet when she is in need of some new jewelry or shoes. Sounds like a perfect match for the Gourmet Connoisseur. Expensive dinners with gifts. It's Christmas at every meal time.

I think that these categories can be put together. A working mom can be Super Mom and the Executive Woman. I put Josh into four different men's groups.

The men's list is so much better.

Top Ten Gifts for Him

I happened to come across a list of top ten gifts for women and men. I call it the Macy's Christmas shopping list except it wasn't from Macy's at all, but it was very Macy's like in appeal. How many men really want a polo shirt for Christmas? I was thinking, maybe a Wii or plasma, but polos, end tables and cuff links? Get real, right?

The best present I saw that Josh would remotely want was a grill and it wasn't a masterful grill (you know, takes a master degree to use). Complete with every gadget known to mankind that could take up your entire kitchen if you let him grill inside.

Then I saw the golden lists. The, what kind of man are you so I can buy you presents for Christmas, list. Let me break it down for you:

Metro Man- Guys who lives in metropolitan areas such as NYC or Los Angeles. Has great insurance and doesn't know it. The kind of man that when he walks out his apartment, he slings a sport coat over his shoulder.
Gadget Guru- The techie. Grab your blackberries and IPods fellas cuz we're going cruising around town counting how many times the GPS is wrong.
Sports Junkie- The guy you can't imagine not being around some kind of field, rink or one of those big foam fingers.
Well-traveled Professional- Italy, France, England, and that's just what his suits are made out from. We know there is a manicure set hidden on this dignified gentlemen.
Devoted Dad- Shirts are made for you. Soccer moms can't compete with your enthusiasm for your sons sports team. Way to go, Dad!
Gourmet Connoisseur- Ah. The smell of lemon pepper chicken with a side of spinach, all placed on a fancy dish to impress the ladies. This guy is the guy you love to date, he wines and dines you then turns into Sports Junkie, Devoted Dad, or Best Gifts for Him under $25 after you marry him. Be warned ladies, be warned.
Mr. Fix-it- There are two kinds of Mr. Fix-its. The kind that can and the kind that really can't (but think they can).
Best Gifts for Him under $25- (I would like to take a moment to say that these gifts were not all under $25. There was a coffeemaker in here for $30.) This is for every other guy out there that simple, rednecked, poor, or the really smart guy who realized that everything was overpriced and could be gotten for a lot cheaper anywhere else. I mean really, a coffee pot for 30 bucks, although it is not unreasonable, sometimes you just want a simple machine with one purpose in mind: to make coffee.

I still don't know what to get Josh for Christmas.

Afternoon Delight - Tea, I mean

So I am absolutely thrilled that my oldest daughter loves tea. She requests for a cup of tea.

Josh calls me British because I like to dunk my tea bag in hot water 3 to 5 times until my tea turns a satisfying light brown color. (Or should I say, colour???) Which, as much as he mocks my British dipping, works for him because he uses the second half of my tea bag and stains it so dark that basically you could mistake it for coffee.

Maybe I got my style from England. I figured that if I was going to try tea anywhere it might as well be in the United Kingdom. I remember standing in front of the mirror of a dresser in a bed and breakfast on my first morning in England. I was looking at the coffee decanter in distaste, and I noticed a small plate with two packages of coffee grounds, and a tea bag sitting on it displayed very nicely with two dainty tea cups that I could only imagine would be in England. I thought, contemplatively 'Hmm, never tried tea before,' as I found myself dunking my tea bag in hot water to a very light, could have been mistaken for the last leftover coffee rinse, kind of tea color. Despite the too light of flavor for my taste I found that I really liked it and perfected my dunking skills while I was in the UK. Now it's really more of a religion. I think I drink tea more often than I pray. Bow to the hot water and kiss the tea bag.

Lately I've grown quite attached to Dragon Eye Oolong Tea. And I only tried it because of it's name. This year, I also had to start drinking decaf after years of not having a problem. You know, because of the strange thing called, youth. It naturally follows my stretch marks, and more recent face lines that I found just this week. I must smile too much. Oh well, I wasn't a porcelain doll anyways.

And truth be told, I give Laurel decaf. I can't stand the thought of giving her caffeinated tea before bed, despite the fact that her body probably could sleep just as well if I did. She'll thank me in 20 years (when she gets face lines) that I was nice enough to introduce her to the magical world of tea.

My cat has mad jumping skills

Jetta can jump up 3 feet in the air to get up on the counter, where he knows he doesn't belong. I thought that counter was safe since there were no chairs or any ledges he could leap from, but no. Nothing is safe anymore. Now that I think about it I guess he's been practicing, since our bed is irregularily high off the ground. It was originally a waterbed frame, which are naturally higher off the ground with storage underneath. We put a mattress on top of it and wa-la super queen sized bed without sea sickness.

We don't let him sleep in our bed at night. He's become really possessive during the day when he naps on our bed. Gives me dirty looks like I shouldn't be coming into the room at all.

He's working on trying to open doors too. He knows you can pop open a door that isn't properly shut all the way by sliding his paw underneath the door.

He's an eternal 3 year old.

Today I am known as Mom the Tyrant.

Tid-bit of the day that's totally unrelated: I hate when people I am close to, don't get excited with me about the happy things that happen in my life. That tears me down.

I flipped off the deep end when my youngest produced numero dos in her underwear. She has developed a habit of fighting me whenever I have to clean her messes. While I was struggling to clean it up she managed to have wiped it all over my clothes. Now that's disgusting. I can handle being thrown up on, used as a Kleenex, food landing in my hair, but when they start smearing crap on me, I get mad. Very mad.

Like I said. I flipped. Today, I thought, was going to be different. I was in the clear to gain back Mel's confidence and identity. I was ready to be me again. Not a facet of me, just me. I even started rummaging through my closet and tried on clothes for my sister's wedding, (meaning: I tried on something other than a t-shirt). I only do that when I feel confident. Imagine my anger after the whole ordeal was done as I thought, 'Just as I start to gain Mel back, I'm reduced to the slavery of being a mom. Lowest of all lows.' I have no confidence in myself. I don't have any faith in the fact that I can do anything at all!!!

Where did Mel go?

I imagine down the toilet with all the other crap I just cleaned up.

And I don't want to hear about all the reasons as to why being a mom is such a blessing. Because today? It sucks. Royally.

ahh. Now I feel better. I think because I just admitted to myself that being a mom can really suck sometimes. And not being Mel really sucks too.

Only one dirty deed left:

I just have to reach into the toilet and pull myself back out.

Wall

So my youngest daughter just tripped and whacked her head on an wall. Of course I saw in slow motion the whoa, and the thwack, so I scooped her up to cradle her in my arms. She pointed to her head so I knew where to kiss, and then pointed at the offending wall. Like usual, I yell at the wall because she thinks it's halirious and then make the wall apologize in a very convincing wall-like voice.

Today, before going on her merry way, she decided to hug the wall and tell it that it was a nice wall. She then told me that the wall said thank you, and proceeded on babbling about the wall being nice.

Alright.

Jetta thinks he's the Mighty Hunter, and dust bunnies are his prey.

Our cat thinks he's the might hunter.

He attacks ankles and Mickey Mouse slippers like he were a tiger in the African safari.

He preys on innocent bugs. He bats them around until they are unsure which direction to go and then eats them. Very circle of life-ish.

He may think he is a mighty hunter but he exhibits many dog like qualities as well.

For example, he can't ever seem to find snacks we give him, even when they are right in front of his face.

Or the fact that he drinks out of the toilet. Maybe that's the survival skills of a true hunter. To always know where to find the water hole.

I'm just not sure.

I get upset over the dumbest things.

Like just now my neighbor across the street knocked on my door to ask me if I knew about the red truck across the street.

I politely let him fumble out words to get across the fact that he wanted me to move the truck.

See the thing is, Josh was suppose to move that truck into the driveway, but never did. So I was waiting out to see how long it was going to take him to move it.

Our neighbor looks me in the eye and states. "Did you know there is a city ordinance on parking on the street overnight?"
"Really?" I said wide-eyed.
"Oh yes!" he continues,"And my wife keeps complaining each time she looks out the window and sees it..."

Of course I had to laugh. That's when the cat ran out our front door for freedom, or rather he wanted to hide under our van and catch a few sunbeams. He likes to flop on the ground and soak up the rays.

Anyways after I caught the cat, which took me all of a minute, I looked up at him and said. "Well, in the name of marital bliss, I will definately move that truck." He laughed and walked back across the street.

I moved the truck. I guess if I had to choose who's marital bliss I had to save today, it was going to be my neighbor across the street that I didn't know.

That's when I got upset. Our neighbor wasn't mean to me, and overall it was a pleasant transaction, I think I was more upset that I got in trouble for Josh's mistake. Then I started to second guess myself, because I could have moved the truck, but I was being stubborn as usual and trying to make a point. You know, the 'why is it that you don't do things when I ask like a naggy wife,' point. Because this all could have been avoided.

That's when I called Josh and chewed him out. I was now mad that I got in trouble for his problem. Then I became ten times more upset now that I yelled at Josh, out of guilt that I probably made Josh feel bad. And when I told Josh, I made it sound like our neighbor was out of line. But he wasn't. I was just mad at that point.

All this just so I could prove a point.

So stupid.

St Matthews Part 2

I've gotten sacred salt quoting 2 Kings 2:19-22, a purple ribbon and a real hankerchief this time.

I have them hanging on my board to remind me why I don't want a meaningless religion.

Jetta?

We got a cat about 2 months ago and Laurel named it Jetta after the girl in Clifford the big red dog.

However we went to the vet today and she trimmed Jetta's nails and found in fact that Jetta is not a girl at all. Just a slowly maturing male cat.

I'm voting for the name change to be Jet Li.

I have a feeling however that 'he' will remain Jetta.

Hi. How are you?

It's time for change. I can feel it. School's starting, fall is on it's way, it's just in the air.

We've been waiting for a while to get our windows done and I thought today was the day. Unfortunately, my mother informed me that today was not September 5th, and sure enough on my calendar, my windows are to be done on Wednesday the 5th. Tomarrow. Suddenly I have all this free time today to do something really great!

Like picking out plates for Jeff's birthday. Or go resale shopping. Or, even better, go out for an amazing coffee at Beaners.

Or I could save some money and just stay home and catch up on Smallville episodes. I like Lex Luthor in this series. Hands down, way better than Kevin Spacey as Lex. And as an extra bonus, I usually fold laundry while watching episodes.

And I probably could take the time and take out all the window blind holders on the insides of the window.

Sounds like I'm going to be doing something a bit more constructive, inexpensive (and more boring) today.

Sue-ducku

Funny.

Salesman tactics.

I had a door to door salesman try to convince me he was fluent in German, French, Hindu and Detroit ghetto.

Kindergarten Graduation

I stink at parenting. More specifically I stink as the parent who goes on field trips. The extremely weird and ironic thing is that Laurel loves that I go.

Or maybe I just hate the zoo. Now that I think about it, all of the field trips I've been on are at nature trails or places where animals are confined to one area. I don't like seeing animals stuck in captivity for our viewing pleasure. It really bothers me.

And I'm not a hard-core animal advocate or even an environmentalist in the slightest. I like to take care of our earth, but I am horribly American in my efforts. It has to be convenient. I'm willing to drive if it's in an area I am in most often.

Lately I've been fighting with what my priorities are as a parent. I put Laurel into T-Ball this year and I am looking into a dance class for Dar. I want to give opportunities to my girls that play on their strengths. So they don't look back and regret the fact that mom was too blind to see what they were interested in. But there is the monetary issue that plays a key part in my decisions. I really don't like to put a price on my girls learning.

And partly I feel like I don't have any skills that benefit me or anyone else. When I was fairly young my mom bought me a pair of ballet slippers because I told her I wanted to be a dancer. I'm not sure if she signed me up for classes or if she couldn't afford them but I've always felt like that it was a huge loss because I didn't even get a chance to try ballet. Thinking back on it, I'm not sure if I would have been any good at it, considering how klutzy I am, and really, I don't have the personality for it as I am not a perfectionist in that sense. My body just doesn't move simultaneously with other people. Graceful is not one word to use to describe me.

I felt like a klutzy ballerina today at the zoo today. I did not move simultaneously with other people. In fact we moved opposite of other people. The ‘group’ moved from the front of the park towards the back and rushed back to the meeting place which was in front. I however figured if we went straight for the back and made our way towards the front, that it would be more efficient. We got to see everything we wanted to see. Except for the other people because they were still in the front of the park.

Oh well. The zoo doesn’t hold those kinds of animals. Something about human rights…

Star Wars

My girls really like Star Wars. We have a Lego Star Wars game that they love to play, so Josh and I decided to watch the original trilogy which made our house explode with Star Wars terminology. There is always one Princess Leia and usually a Luke running around. Cassie will run to get her light saber to fight monsters and pose and fight like boys do at that age. Cassie calls Darth Vader, Ubadaber, and will teach you to say it just like she does.

Josh is usually Ubadaber. He calls Cassie, Ubadaughter. Somehow, it fits.

Right.

It never ceases to amaze me how we are made into the people we are. How one thing or one person can shape our entire lives, and lead us into a whole new direction that no one would have thought possible.

I can think of many instances of which I could have taken a different path and turned out as someone totally different.

It's interesting to me how everything works so we can be in a place to serve other people whole-heartedly.

It took me a while to realize that just as much as I could never live to be like my mom, she could never live to be like me. If my mom wasn't the way that she is, then I wouldn't be who I am. Just as her parents before her, and her grandparents before that and so on and so forth. All things come together for a purpose and although we never know what that purpose is, we can trust that it's the right one. It's always the right one. Bad times don't happen because they are wrong, (they may be evil and unfair, but it doesn't make the situation wrong) they happen so we can step up and keep fighting for what is right. Somehow we just keep trying to do what's right.

God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle.

The textbook answer

Right now I'm waiting for Josh to get home so I can go up to the hospital and sweet talk the nurses to treat my mom right. I think the last nurse I saw last night was getting pretty annoyed with me, but she kept forgetting to do things, so I would remind her. Poor woman. She had a lot on her mind, I'm sure.

I'm really asking for prayer, for not just our family but especially for my mom.

We actually went to church last weekend. Josh wants to join in counseling engaged couples for marriage. We had a really awesome couple for our marriage prep and I want to turn around and be able to give that to someone else. We'll see. There is an application process; which we have to apply and interview before we can counsel other people. Who knows. I shouldn't be afraid, but I am. I'm afraid that the people who see my application are going to reject me because of my age or the fact that we haven't been going to church for a few months like that makes me a weak christian or something. I don't want to be going for the wrong reasons. I guess it's their problem if they want to judge me and if I'm not suppose to be involved there then I won't be.

So says the textbook answer.

You'd think that at 24 years old, married, and with 3 kids; that I would feel more like an adult. Honestly, I feel more like a kid each day, as I discover how big this world really is and how minuscule I am in it. I keep realizing how much that I just don't know and could never possibly understand. As if I lost control as a teenager when thought I had the world wrapped around my fingers and had it all figured out.

I think I just don't like being at the mercy of people who are older than me. I have to hope they have have the grace to understand my naivete, and have no way to protect myself from it.

St. Matthews

So I wrote these people back and I've gotten a worthless book, a purple ribbon to put under my pillow, and two cents.

Yes. Two pennies. I put them in our change jar.

Oh and more forbidden prophesies!

Josh wants the free prayer coin that you have to send in for.

Hey. What do I know about God's kingdom anyways. How can a religion about God who is all about what's right; feel so wrong???

Bombarded

I've really been having a tough week. Josh has said that it feels like it's been a week long each day. Yeah, that's exactly how I feel.

Keep (or please put) our family in your prayers, especially this week coming up.

I've always hated drama. I don't like conflict. I used to think that I liked to fight and argue, even though I knew I sucked at it (and thought that if I practiced enough that I'd get better at it). I just liked the fact that I got everything out in my fights in my head, and when it came to the real thing, I realized I didn't get anything out at all. Arguments are like that.

What it comes down to is that I really don't want to hurt anyone with whatever words I'm thinking of spitting out.

That's not why I've been having a tough week. Not really. We've just been bombarded with a lot of really sucky stuff. I don't even like the word sucky and I've used two forms of it in this post alone.

I can't help but think of how many people re-read the post to find all the times I used the word. Actually, it amuses me.

Done

Sometimes life tosses up a deck of cards and says, now it's time to play 52 pick-up.

We haven't been going to church for a quite a while now. I can't quite pin the reason why exactly, I think I'm just done with religion. That's not to say I'm done with God, and I don't care if you throw into my face that God asks us to be in community with other believers. I could be absolutely wrong about this right now. But I'm just not accepting the fact that we went to church and tried to connect with people and came out worse than when we went in. A church will never be perfect since it is lined with imperfect people. It just seems like the wrong reason to be going to church. I mean you go to learn about God, but you also go to connect with other people who believe like you do. I think I was just looking for one person just to sit down with for coffee every once in a while and just be comforted with the fact that you believe the same ideas. Someone else to bounce ideas off of and put your head back on your shoulders again. I'm currently getting more of a sense of community from a pair of Jehovah's Witnesses that keep stopping by my door.

I think put too much faith into people. I keep hoping that there just might be someone else out there who wants to do the right thing all the time, no matter what. It feels like everyone has a motive. Me included.

We went to this Ben Folds concert last week and it was really cool. I wish he wouldn't feel the need to swear all the time but everybody has their thing, I guess. Ever since then I've been listening to a few of his songs like they were a religion or something. Sorry Mr. Ben Folds, but I'm not going to be head priestess of the Foldites.

I guess I just like the free style he has. Something I wish I could get a hold of. Seems like I can't let go and just be free. Always captive to something. I'm sure he is captive to something else.

Isn't that the way it is with human beings?

I'm fervently religious when things come crashing down around my ears, but when it comes to the calms in my life God is a trinket on a charm bracelet. How's that for honesty? I hate feeling like I'm just like an Israelite in the desert for 40 years. Human characteristics don't change over thousands upon thousands of years. I'm just as likely to turn my back on God when there is nothing better to do, but when something happens, I'm first to start praying. The story's the same, only the time and place is different.

And at this point in my life, I still believe in God and His Word. I still believe that things happen for a reason and that He knows what's going on. I trust in that. That's not my ultimate truth or anything, but everything else right now just seems to be up for interpretation.

Georgia

So I decided on a whim that I was driving with the girls for a weekend in Georgia. I have some relatives there that I haven't seen since I got married, and I knew they would be excited to see the girls. And they were.

I also found out a lot about my dad's side of the family and got some photos of him when he was younger that I value very much. I don't have much of my dad's things, so I really enjoy the things that I have that were once his.

Plus I got to soak in the Georgia weather, and come back to an equally beautiful day here in Michigan. That was awesome.

The girls were fun traveling companions, although I was worn out when I got back. They are a lot of work, but those amazing times when the wonder and awe of a different world reaches their eyes. Priceless. Laurel was amazed with the mountains, we first encountered the mountains at night, so I told her that the rock face on either side was just a small part of the mountain, she couldn't comprehend how huge they really are until we saw them on the way back. Then the amazement really set in.

We went through Chattanooga at night time, and if you ever go, go on I-24 from the North to the South. It goes around Chattanooga and night seems so black, until it opens up suddenly to the twinkling lights of the city, cascading up the mountainside. It is truly amazing to see the city lights and know just how many people are living in one area. I could imagine the horror that people felt in ancient times when invading armies of thousands upon thousands start to crawl down the mountain each with a torch in their hand. It was an awestruck kind of a moment.

The girls and I had an impromptu picnic on the way back through Kentucky. Cassie was having a meltdown, and it was about time to stop anyways. I had packed food for the trip, so we wouldn't have to stop fast food style. So I grabbed out the plates and cups and we sat on the lawn of a hotel part way up the mountainside. The girls had a lot of fun and it seemed to be perfect timing; since we made really good time after that.

So now I'm planning a trip with my mom for a weekend, not sure where or when yet.

Just browsing

The scientific view of God: (by www.doesgodexist.org)

The purpose of this brief study is to offer a logical, practical, pragmatic proof of the existence of God from a purely scientific perspective. To do this, we are assuming that we exist, that there is reality, and that the matter of which we are made is real. If you do not believe that you exist, you have bigger problems than this study will entail and you will have to look elsewhere.

How very appropriate.

Chain mail for God.

We as humans are so alike in so many ways; we are all trying to survive to some end. All of us have some sort of desperation, an idea we cling to, just to make it through. For some its work, others family, religion, music, books, food, even death, there’s a spark of an idea in everyone. A desperation. And on that note, there are products and materials in this world for every desperation, to appeal to each person and their cravings or desires.

So yesterday I received a letter in the mail to appeal to the desperation of life and financial need.

Another credit card offer anyone?

Imagine my confusion as I pull out a beige and pink piece of paper made to look like it was embroidered. Embroidered stationary? I thought. Then I found as I unfolded several pictures of Anglo-Saxon Jesus, that it was meant to be a prayer handkerchief, which you were to place your name and a name of someone you want to pray for on the handkerchief and send it back to the church it originated. Which I'm all for people praying for me.

What I’m not for as I read on, was the testimonials of people, like O.C. and Anonymous, who sent it back and received large amounts of financial blessings, all attributed to this pink hanky. What would make me want to send it back and add yet another name to their list? The money! Forget prayer. Oh, I’m glad we have that cleared up.

Money: the Deity of Desperation.

As if that weren’t good enough. Enclosed is the sealed magic prophesies that you aren't suppose to open until you send off the handkerchief back to the church, within days of receiving the letter, that is specifically written for you.

I confess, I can’t help but open forbidden prophesies.

I just can’t imagine a church believing, trying to get people to believe in this idea of magic and charm of what seems like a jaded Christianity to me. People see this kind of letter and think, what are those stupid Christians doing this time, as if we are all the same? How far from Christ do we have to get to get people to believe in Him? Does this church not believe that the Bible is full of prophecy? It’s completely and fully open to everyone, not hidden just for Christians to read! How many Christians do YOU see hiding in corners and reading their "Magic" bibles? The point is it’s not magic, it doesn’t change, doesn’t need to be printed on pink embroidered handkerchiefs.

I just feel this plays on human desperation and that actually makes me pretty angry. Makes me almost want to drive out to Oklahoma or wherever they sent this from to tell them how a chain letter full of prophecies isn't really the way to go.

I'm thinking about sending it back. Free postage.

Quarantined.

Oliver is now on our wall of fame. He's 2ft 5in. Only a couple inches shorter than Cassie.

Last night we made an unplanned trip to the doctor's office, which happens to be 20 miles away. Josh called in to schedule an appointment for Laurel, since she wasn't feeling better after two days of staying home, and I don't want to send her to school and infect other kids. Other parents might do it, but I don't. Anyways, we needed to get a doctor's note to keep her out of school until she got better, and the doctor's office happened to have an opening at 730 last night. So at 720, out the door we went, and arrived at 740 (Big surprise since 20 miles is usually 20 minutes).

So we're still quarantined until this weekend (minus Oliver, who had it 2 weeks ago). It looks like the tidal wave is just about over though, after 2 weeks of the rounds at the Pung house. It didn't hit us the way it usually does, we are usually down for 2 to 3 days, and then it's over. Not two weeks. Oh well. We're through the worst of it.

Jinx

I cursed Laurel. She is really sick, perhaps worse than the rest of us. Or maybe it's because we are feeling so much better that she just looks 10 times worse.

Actually what gave me the tip was the fact that she wasn't her usually smiley self today and sat on the couch. Not good. She woke up tonight and looked absolutely awful.

Honest! I didn't wish she would get sick! I was just annoyed that all of us were sick and she was still bouncing around like she was Tigger or something. It's like when you're really grouchy (or haven't had your morning cup of coffee yet) and this amazingly happy person walks in the room. She was just that bubbly.

I have to admit though. I've raised some really happy kids.

Tall

I finally measured how tall the girls are.

Laurel is 3ft 7in
Adara is 3ft 5 1/2in
Cassie is 3ft 1in

I looked at Dar and Laurel today and realized, they are really close to the same height. I decided I better record it before they get any bigger.

I'm not good at these things.

I'm good at teaching them to be monkeys or how to hold a pencil right. I'm not good at memoriblia items or holidays.

Take what you can get.

You deserve it.

It always surprises me how I have this standard to uphold, and someone else will have a different standard, much higher than mine. I always thought that my standards were pretty hard to reach because they are usually set pretty high, but there are times when someone knocks me off my pedestal and revamps my way of thinking.

For example, if I start thinking it's time for us to build a deck onto our house, and someone else has already drawn up the plans and has built it two times the size I would have gone with.

I'm not sure whether to be pleased or annoyed. I'm pleased because someone took the time and effort to build something way better than I could have hoped for. But I'm annoyed because in my line of thought, bigger is not always better, and there probably is a reason I would of built my deck that size and shape to accommodate my family and our lifestyle. I would have left the whole backyard intact, whereas the other person took up half my yard with wooden posts and planks, that I'd liked to have left for the girls to play in. But then I toy with the idea that maybe for some fate like reason I was meant to let someone give me something that could be better, and they feel good each and every time they look at it saying, "I helped built that deck."

I'm not building a deck here people. Not yet anyways, maybe next summer.

I don't really struggle with accepting people's gifts, usually I'm in the process of accepting gifts and something always comes up that the people giving the gift either need it more than I do or someone else needs that same gift so I end up touching it for 2 seconds before I pass it on to someone else. Isn't that called re-gifting?

No, I think the point is that I think I deserve something and then I remind myself, no I really don't "deserve" anything. Why is it that we demand our rights and think, "Finally! I can use the break in my income taxes to buy something for me!" When we've just spent ourselves into debt a week ago saying the same exact thing for a bonus we received from our jobs. Don't get me wrong. I like to spend money on things I will never take into the afterlife with me. But I think our perspective is a little screwed up when we are buying prestige and class trying to impress someone with how much we can put ourselves farther into debt. Yes, the debt owed to buy back your life is very impressive!!!

My point is, although I get a certain thrill when we cut anything out of our budget that we don't need, what makes us think that we deserve anything we keep? Why do we deserve the jobs we work at? Sweat and blood right? Maybe you got lucky that the only resume out of the pile that got picked was yours. But who's to say you aren't going to lose your job tomorrow. Are you going to be pounding at the door yelling, "I was unfairly treated!" What makes you think you "deserved" that job?

I guess it all comes down to whos standards you really live by. I mean I may think that the deck I would build would be right for my family, but maybe the bigger deck is the better option and I don't know it yet. Maybe gifts I receive that I turn right around and give to someone else will be used for better things than I would have used them for. Maybe I'm just the middleman. Maybe that's why I don't think I deserve anything, because I know that things can change in a heartbeat, that anything I think I deserve, can be ripped right out beneath me. Either I'm blind and afraid to believe I deserve anything or maybe my standards are based on the fact I believe God will put me where He needs me to be and it will be right. That's not deserving anything, that's just being where I'm planted to be. Knowing that whatever I could possibly need, some other middleman will pass it to me.

I wasted too many years on pity parties over what I thought I deserved.

Cassie girl.

Thought this was cute.

She's really getting too big. I found a picture that I thought was Cassie but it turned out to be Laurel when she was 3. I didn't realize how much Cassie looks like Laurel until that moment.

Randomology

We have been mowed over this past week and a half.

Someone or several someones in our house have been sick for the last ten days, except Laurel, who has an immune system like steel, she finally got a little stuffy last night and still managed to wake up beautiful and sick-free. I should be so happy for her.

And we're still fighting. I have this theory that with all the time Josh and I have been getting up for whichever girl is sick for the past week and then some that we just aren't getting the needed rest we should be to be healthy again. And I didn't need a bachelors degree for that. Deduced it on my own. I'm some kind of Einstein.

It just stinks.

Cassie just walked in here, demanded juice, and called me Melame.

It was cute.

Runny nose and all.

Babies

He wasn't saving food for later, he was saving the entire utensil for later.



He then popped the fork right out of his shirt and promptly started chewing it.

I know. This picture looks like I'm holding him at fork-point. Honestly though, he was just complaining because I was taking his picture and would of rather been chewing on the camera.

Missed.

Yes. I figured out why Laurel missed the blue house. She was afraid that the bus would "miss" the house and she would never get home. Now that we have that cleared up...

She didn't really miss me at all, she was just afraid of being missed.

Bus

Laurel ran off the bus today and said, "Mom, I missed you! I missed you and the blue house!" (Which is what my girls call our new house.) She is such a homebody.

Laurel

Today is Laurel's first day of school at her new school. She's been out of school for a month now, we pulled her out early because she wasn't doing well at Riley. We've been really psyching her for school, just these last weeks, she was finally beginning to get excited about going to school again. I'm just glad she isn't dreading it anymore.

When I took her in, I started to get really excited too. They have a lot of programs and different things that Riley just did not have. And the programs that Riley had, Colt is taking a step farther. For example, RIF (Reading is fundamental), it's a program where kids get to look at new books and the focus is that reading is fun. At Riley they got to pick a book out and send the tab home, for the parents to buy. At Colt, the PTA financed RIF so that the kids can each take home 3 books for free!!!! How is that not awesome??? And Laurel's teacher is amazing! She excited about the kids and interacts with them constantly, helps them out. It's just amazing. I can't believe what a difference. This school is going to be much better for Laurel.

I'm so excited for her!!!

Weird

The most weird thing happened to me today. I'm not even sure weird is the right word for it, it's was astounding, and just overall amazing.

I usually make my way through life not making eye contact or talking with anyone besides my own kids. I think it's just I don't have the confidence. I'm not sure I try anymore.

I tend to go to the grocery store and pretty much apologize my way through it. Usually one of my girls are running into someone or gets into someones way, so I am constantly saying that I'm sorry. But I actually see people then, I look them in the face and for what little time I have, I try to be as gracious as I can be. Some people are super grouchy, others, it makes them smile that 3 little girls are following around their mom like ducklings. That may be the only smile they have that day.

A guy today said hi to me, and usually I just say hi back and keep on going, but today I said, Hi, how are you?

He wasn't pretty. In fact although his hair was freshly cut and clothes were clean, he walked limply with a walker and his face was severely scarred. Slowly and stuttering, it was hard to hear and understand him, but his story poured out of him that 23 year ago, he went out in the street on his bike, and got hit by a car.

The words that keep haunting me is when he told me, "Never give up." Like my own personal message. "I haven't given up," he says and that was very clear.

I keep thinking about Jesus and the lame beggar, or the blind man. Both outcasts of society, overjoyed when Jesus healed their needs; unlike them this man didn't let his outward appearance deter his desire to talk to people and tell them about Jesus or his willingness to never give up. He was living proof that Jesus doesn't have to be alive to be evident in our lives, to have a desire to keep on keeping on, no matter what is handed on our plates.

Last night I went out with my sister-in-laws, and the waitress came to drop off the bill, she fumbled around in her pocket and finally started unloading it. Embarrassed she pulled out a Gideon Bible, and said, "Yeah I got handed this today, it's just been one of those days. I guess someone thought I needed to get me some religion."

I keep thinking, what could I have possibly said? It just seems that God placed her in my hands for a reason, just like He placed the man at the store.

I don't even think I'm trying to understand the why, I'm trying to understand the what do I need to do next. I'm lost here. It just feels like someone is barging in and throwing people into my lap when all I want is just to make it to the end. And I know I have a small life, I don't deny it. All I can handle is taking care of my girls. These little encounters throw me off. I have to step back and think before I act as I shake off the impact.

I don't know what to think right now.