Grainy and Coarse.

Today I seem to have tons of time. They moved church times back for the summer. And I only have 2 girls today, since Laurel is spending the night with Grandma.

I've come to the official conclusion that I am not always forthright when I speak. I've always known it, but I don't think I've just blantly said it. I think that is what my last post was all about. I don't regret writing it, but I regret the fact that I didn't say overall I do the same thing and I'm trying to correct it in my life.

Here's where the line is drawn. As much as I would like others to say exactly what they mean without sugar coating it, I really can't change the person they are. That concept has been almost beaten into me for years, but I still hold standards for other people that sometimes are very unrealistic for whatever reason. Josh likes to say that I motivate others to want to be better people. As much I want to help people to achieve their successes in life, sometimes people just don't care to be motivated, (the positive term) or manipulated (the negative term), whichever way they see it. I can get a bit grainy and coarse.

However I usually have good intentions. When I speak my mind it goes way out of whack, just because I can't seem to get how I feel out in words. Words that don't hurt or offend. That would be why I would rather not talk in the first place or skim the surface. I don't want others to get to know what I believe in could be wrong, that my view of things is skewed by my enviroment. That I would look foolish to them.

Actually we have this guy in our study that I really admire. He is so open and honest that even when he doesn't know what is going on, he admits to it and laughs at himself. I wish I could laugh when I'm being ridiculous. When I'm wrong and I've changed my mind. I'm so stubborn that I'd rather hold onto what's wrong than grasp what is right.

And I want to change that about me.

Another one of those disclaimer blogs.

I want to get a ton done today, but I'm really lethargic. Ever have those days?

I started out my run really enthusiastic. I was going to try going 5 miles like last week, but I got to a mile and found out I just couldn't do it today, so I turned around and ran all the way back, a full 2 miles total. Which isn't bad, I make sure I do that every day at least, just to keep my moods from plummeting.

Hopefully I won't be disappointed in what I do accomplish today.

We went to our bible study on Sunday, and a number of things happened. It was freezing outside, and I was more than ready to sit down and discuss Romans. But the door was locked. 5 of us made it to the study and we stood outside for a few minutes just waiting for the door either to magically open or someone to drop by with a key. Neither happened. So we went to the local Beaners and drank coffee while studying Romans. What could be better than that????

Well even better is the discussion we ended up having, I really learned a lot. The other 4 people are super intelligent, and knew a lot of the background stuff that I didn't know at all. Which is actually pretty usual, as it is that I'm not a scholar by any means. But sometimes ideas fly over my head, because it just doesn't matter to me. This time I was getting concepts that I would consider to be "over my head", that I had no idea I even knew anything about it. I mean these guys are all college grads, some with a masters, entering doctoral programs and then there's me sitting there on my high school diploma.

I'm not saying I am stupid. I'm just not as well educated.

Then we got a phone call that was one of those incovenient hard to manage request calls. If you can understand that. Well, BJ had taken out some carpet in his house and needed the truck (the truck basically gets passed around from Pung house to Pung house, even though it is officially Glenns). Josh picked up the culverts earlier this week so we could finish our driveway and have it drain properly. These culverts are extremely heavy and awkward, so we were planning on leaving them in the truck and dropping them right into the hole when they finished digging on Saturday. However, BJ decided he had to get his carpet out the next day and had to have the truck. Which means we would be taking out the culverts and delivering the truck. How BJ expected us to be able to take out those culverts with one man in the house is beyond me, but he doesn't think of those things. This seriously isn't an attack on his character, I love him to death just like he were my own brother, however that's just who he is.

And Josh being who he is, fiddled around with logistics, while on the phone, that no one could come to an agreement, so it was a pointless waste of breath. However in my mind, it was already taken care of, that we were going to accomplish it whether it killed us or not. I didn't know how or what but I knew it would.

So after I reassured him many times, Josh finally hung up. We get home and I ask my brother who happens to be home at the right time, (Thank you!) he watched the girls sunday, (Thank you! Thank you!!!!) so they manage to get the culverts out and to the side of the driveway. It'll be interesting when they have to drag them into the holes on Saturday, but whatever. The truck is all ready Monday morning, as promised.

He doesn't want it Monday.

He decided he would do it Wednesday since there was no definitive answer or progress of the conversation.

I could be so extremely angry, but I'm not. Several things went awry here. Communication skills in the Pung family are seriously out of whack. Say what you mean people! No means no, yes means yes, and I really don't give a crap means.... alright you get the point. Or maybe it's just that we aren't getting to the point. What is the point of this conversation? Why is it that it can't just be said out loud, plain and simple???

Like...

(Oh great, I know where this is going... it's not going to be pretty) We were planning on "donating" our junk on junk day in St. Johns. Now this is seriously an offense to St. Johnzens, the only people who can dump their junk are people who live in town. It's wrong in the first place. I know this, I really wanted no part of this. But you know me, I don't say anything and Glenn and Ava said we could bring some stuff in and put it out that day. Great! we thought, get rid of some stuff. Well that was until Ava heard something, that someone got fined and couldn't participate in the trash pick up for 2 years because their neighbor thought someone else had brought in trash and told whoever is in charge of trash pickup day. Anyways this huge excuse and my point really is that when they came to our house, they told us this little story, then said it's only 15 bucks to drop off stuff at Granger. I totally missed the point until Josh told me later that they were saying we couldn't drop off stuff.

Then I was livid.

Why, oh why, didn't they just come out and say, I don't want you to drop off your trash? Why make it so that a complete genius had to figure out what they were saying??? This was the second year they have done this to us. That made me even madder. But I think the reason I was really mad was because it was in hidden messages of what they really wanted to say. It all comes back to how inferior they made me feel, like I am less than what I am really worth. I know I'm not the smartest person, but I'm not a complete idiot. It made me so angry that I didn't get it the first time around and they didn't just come right out and say it. I had to pray really hard to get over my anger and forgive them.

You'll never guess what helped me get over my anger.

The fact that it was wrong in the first place and I didn't even really want to do it anyways. Just now I had an excuse to do the right thing.

Isn't that ridiculous???

I have several points to this. Number 1, please just say what you mean. Josh spent a good 20 minutes "talking" with BJ, without any end result, so no one knew what the goal was. And number 2, when you want to do the right thing, just speak up and do the right thing. It'll save you a ton of time and hassle, and then some.

Here is the disclaimer: This entire blog it is not meant to hurt or offend anyone who is reading. Merely I am striving to tell the truth as I see it. Whether that truth is skewed or tainted, I am willing to admit when I am wrong, no matter how much I get angry or feel like I've been mistreated or represented in any way. Please understand I am human. I will get angry and out of control. And I will see truth one way that may not actually be the way things are. But to me it is my truth. I will stand to be corrected, but I will not stand excuses.

And I will cry and be at your mercy. That is who I am. Emotional, chaotic, striving for excellence, finding what's wrong and making it right, changing what I believe to be truth to what actually is the truth, and more than vunerable...

In other words: I am Human.

Stories in my life

After I told about my “magic” eraser, I started to think about all the things that have happened to me in just the last few days. I didn’t realize all the millions of stories I have to tell just from even a week ago.

Like:

To update the speedy rewards card story, I have filled up both vehicles with my card since. Josh filled his car with me, and I snuck out of the car and pulled out my rewards card before he even got to the pump. He thought that was pretty sneaky. Then yesterday my mom and I filled up our gas cans for the tractor and she had forgotten her card so I got to use mine. I think my total is past 6500!!! I started at 4 thousand I think.

Or:

Laurel got into the van after we finished shopping yesterday and made sure that my mom and I had grabbed our purses out of the cart and put them in the van.

Which brings me to:

A few weeks ago, I went to pick up the wheelbarrow tire and left my wallet on the shelf where the tire once was. Laurel reminded me that I didn’t have my wallet on me when we got to the end of the aisle.

It’s a proven fact now that I leave my wallet places without even thinking about it.

Today I put my wallet in my pocket, which isn’t an easy feat and it dropped out, not once, but twice onto the floor.

Then I walked out of the gym, and I had sweated through my shirt. So we walked outside to Sam’s car as the cold whipped around. It felt really good. So good I didn’t even think about it as I slipped into the passenger seat and sat back right into the ice cold sweat patch and let out this geeky squeal. After I told Sam what had happened, she bust a gut.

We were playing Password at my in-laws, which is where you have your partner guess with one word clues what the word is on your card. And one member of the opposite team also is trying to make his partner guess the same word, both teams go back and forth until someone gets it. The points are dependant on how fast you guess the word. Well being the genius I am, Josh lets out an, oh crap, as he looks at the word, which is restaurant. I take a look and think hey that’s not hard, but instead of saying “It’s not a hard word,” I say, “It’s not a restaurant!” Then Josh gives me a look of horror as I realize what I had said and bust out laughing. I get Josh going in this fit of laughter, since it’s really contagious. Even Sam and Ava, who have no idea what the word is, start laughing uncontrollably. “They didn’t hear you.” Josh says. “She said, ‘It’s not a restaurant.’” Ava says somewhat confused and we start laughing even more. She still had no clue that I had given away the clue itself. Glenn is the score keeper so he says, “I’ve got to see this word.” When he sees it, he actually laughed out loud. So I start roaring and tears were streaming down my cheeks. “I’ve never seen you laugh until you cry!” exclaims Sam. Finally we calm down and Josh has to give the first clue. “Eatery.” He says. “Do I dare say restaurant???” asks Ava. And Sam and Ava start to laugh even harder when they realize that I had said the word aloud. “I thought I was saying ‘It’s not a hard word!’” I protested.

Oh well. Perfection was never one of my strong points.

Magic Eraser's Are Magic!

I bought a 4 pack of magic erasers. When I got home I put away all my groceries, then thought about the table where one of the girls had accidentally gotten some marker on the table. Thinking of the erasers, I pull them out, and open the box.

However.

The box was empty. I think I stood there in shock for at least a minute, just staring at the box. The erasers were magic alright, they managed to do a disappearing act. So I called the store and they exchanged them no problem. But it sure got a good laugh when I came in.

"So...you bought a box huh?"

You have to understand I have never stolen anything in my life. The closest I came to stealing something was when I was a kid and we used to pick the fake flowers off the floors that had fallen off in craft stores. But we didn't know any better, I was only 4 years old at the most. My dad found out that my brother and I had been doing it, and he took us right to the cashier to show what we had done. The cashier was like, "Oh it's okay, they can have them" My dad said, "No, they can't." "Really, it's okay, they can have them." But my dad firmly said it again, "No, they can't."

Or the time that Dar was riding in the stroller and swiped a flashlight off a shelf and I didn't know it. When we got outside, she wanted to open it, and then I realized what she had done. We marched right back into the store and gave it to the cashier.

So to open an empty box, I thought of a thousand horrible things they could have thought about me. That I had taken out the erasers and returned the box to get more for free. Or used them up in a time span of 2 hours (seriously not possible unless you have 4 people cleaning like mad at one time.) No one was there to witness me opening the box. I didn't take pictures or anything. I thought, "How am I suppose to prove I opened an empty box???" I figured I had thought of all the things I would never consider doing in my lifetime. Things I don't do simply because it is wrong. I'm a bit of a prude when it comes to that. I like to call it integrity and honesty.

And if I was really wanted to steal something, I wouldn't steal a box of magic erasers for $3.42.

No more.

It's pretty quiet around here today. Dar and Laurel are still asleep and the only ones awake are me and Cassie. And although I have Cassie with her booming deep (for a kid) voice, awake, it's still nice and relaxing. I have a really nice family.

In fact, she put on Laurels jacket and said to me, Want help? So I helped her with the zipper. Last Wednesday she put on my sweater that was longer and looked like yoda in jedi robes (minus the green puppet look). Very cute. No picture we took of her did it justice.

I'd like to give Laurel the nickname, Rory, because I really like the name. But, I know that won't go over well. I can hear her saying, no I'm Laurel, over and over again.

I'd also like to have another daughter and name her Mikayla, and for that matter I'd like a son to name him John William, because it humors me that he would be named after a famous composer of our time, and still have the dignity of his last name. But the fact that I really don't want to have anymore kids is a bit stronger, so I'll keep dreaming. Such is life.

It's really not that I don't want to have more kids, I just don't feel like I have the capablity to have more kids and still stay sane. I wouldn't be able to devote time to each kid the more I have, I mean as it is, if I had 16 hours I am awake in a day and divided it per kid, I would have 5 1/3 hours to spend with them each day. And it would lessen with each kid. I'd feel so guilty.

The Girls, the Baby and the Preschool Graduation.

We went over to see baby Oliver with the girls. They were so excited to have a new baby cousin. Even if all he does is look at you in baby wonder. The girls all cooed over him, called him Baby Oliver, and rubbed his head. They were beyond excited. Laurel and Dar got to hold him. That's girls for you. Melt into butter the minute a little baby is around.

It was encouraging to see how Cassie would react to a baby. She's quite the bully if she doesn't get her way, although in the last few months it has slacked off considerably. But when she saw Oliver, she was all about being near him, eventually though it wore off and she went to play off on her own. I was hoping she wouldn't be jealous.

Laurel's graduation is this week. Personally I think it is silly they have a graduation for preschoolers, but I know for Laurel it will signify the end of the school year. She's very routine oriented, and likes to have things done a certain way. It'll help her to see we are having a party for finishing preschool.

But you can't help but smile at all the squirming 4 or 5 year olds up on the stage, who have no clue what they are doing up there, looking out at the crowd of people. If you have ever seen a play or christmas musical with small kids, you know exactly what I mean. I can imagine the overenthusiastic parents now, pushing their way up front with their video cameras, pushing people aside in their "bless your heart" kind of way.

Oh yes. I love America.

Santa

My sister-in-law finally had her baby on Wednesday. It's a boy. Finally the Pung family has a boy to carry on the name. It seems so fitting that they have a boy. His name? Oliver Cole. I have already threatened to call him Coley. Coley is not a bad name, they just hate it and are planning on shooting me if it sticks. Somehow I think that kid will always be called Oliver. Just a hunch. Laurel was suppose to be a Laurie. The rest of my girls have nick-names, why not Laurel??? Strange world.

We've been trying to potty train Dar. And this week went better than last. She got sick of me setting the timer each hour to go to the bathroom, all week long, and has been asking to go now. She has made it a few times. Even when we are out shopping. Especially when we are shopping, she likes going to the bathroom in other places. Go figure.

I told Melissa that her boy would have no problems in sports, since my girls are so active. I wouldn't be surprise if any of them made pros of some sport.

Okay, I didn't read the article, but I just saw the title, and it was; I'm named after a food! by Chris Rice. I don't think the article is by Chris Rice, but about Chris Rice and how he felt about being named after a food. That's just insane. But fun in a good clean kind of fun way.

My married name is Pung which is German for sleigh maker. I had a guy the other day ask me if I was an elf and in anyway involved with Santa. I wish I would have thought of a really great retort to that, but I lamely laughed. I could have said so many things!

Like...
Yeah, me and Santa go way back. Or
No, I'm an elvish impersonator. Or
made up some crazy story about how Santa choose between Josh's family and the elves and it was this big struggle, so anyways, the elves won by magic (always do) and that's the reason we are so dirt poor. We messed up our chance for fame and riches! Could you imagine if it was Santa and his Pungs??? The girls wouldn't have to worry about paying for college, they'd go to school to be sleigh makers. I wonder which Pung decided that sleigh making wasn't for them???

It was Santa that broke the whole thing up. All those dashed dreams. I'm surprised the Pungs even believe in Santa anymore.

Laurel is smart.

Laurel is obsessed with footwear of any kind. She doesn't go out the front door without something on her feet.

So it doesn't surprise me that she went outside with Uncle Bear (my brother Jeff) and Dar with her sandals on her feet.

They were playing outside and Jeff accidentally stepped on some prickers. "Ouch!" he said, pulled the prickers out of his feet and went on playing. Dar managed to step on something a few minutes later and said "Owie!" "Are you okay Dar?" Jeff asked, and checked out her feet to make sure no damage was done. "Yeah I okay."

Just then Laurel looked up at them with a smug look of; hah, I'm smarter than you, and said, "Uncle Bears feet has owies, Dars feet has owies, and Laurel has sandals."

Yes, she really was the smart one this time.

Improv

Josh decided that we needed to get my sister-in-law out of the house. She's pregnant for her first child and past her due date, and if anyone knows about pregnancy, that's seriously a bad thing.

So we picked them up on Sunday to go on a picnic. It was a beautiful day. The sun was out, wind blowing, it was an amazing day to be at a park where the kids were playing while we talked. Laurel comes over to the table and says she has to go to the bathroom. Alright, I'll take you, I say. So we go to where the bathrooms are and the building is locked. "It's locked. Do you think you can hold it until we leave?" "Sure." Five minutes later, Laurel runs up and says, I have to go to the bathroom. "Well, there is a building over there, maybe they'll have a bathroom." We walk over to find the building is a concession stand, and it's packed with people who look strangely alike. Family Reunion. No bathrooms. "I don't know what to tell you. I guess we'll have to drive somewhere for a bathroom."

But it was too late, we didn't even make it to the van and she let it all out, soaking the bottom half of her body. The poor kid was devastated. So my sister-in-law and I took her over to the van to look at our options of clothes and whatnot. Nothing. No extra pants, dresses, or even towels. I knew we had diapers so at least the important parts of her body would be covered and plenty of wipes to clean up the disaster area. I couldn't decide whether to be angry or compassionate. I don't think either came across, although I felt bad for Laurel, I thought a perfect day had been ruined because I didn't think to ask her before we went. So my sister-in-law decided that her and Laurel would camp out in the van while I got to eat the rest of my lunch and clean up the table. That's how sweet my sister-in-law is. I don't know how she does it.

Defeated, I went back to the table, and told the guys we couldn't find any pants for Laurel. "All she has is two shirts.... oh! Two shirts!" I said again. I gave an impish grin and turned to go back to the van. "We can use the second shirt as a skirt." My sister-in-law laughed and said, "I'm really learning a lot (about parenting) today."

Laurel had the time of her life on the playground, parading around in a diaper and a shirt for a skirt. She looked surprisingly cute. It reminded me of Sound of Music when Maria makes clothes out of curtains for the kids to play in. I finally understand her excitment and joy. I have never been so relieved that what was a disaster, worked out so well.

The Great Gas Card Exchange

Josh has had a speedy rewards card for over 3 years. And I had been asking him to get me a card, on the same account so I could put points up when I fill. I wasn't going to use those keycard ones, since when I fill, I have the girls with me. It's very pointless to drag 3 girls into the gas station just so I can get reward points.

I ended up getting my own account, and made it this war to see who will win and get the free gas card first.

Well Josh thought he was so smart, one day and nicely pumped my gas for me, using his speedy rewards card.

"This means war!!!" I shouted at him.

So for the last month I've been plotting and planning on how I could get him back.

I filled up my gas tank in my van. Then when Josh got home, I found his wallet, and switched the speedy rewards cards. On Saturday, I went out with my mom to get gas for the tractor and was forced to put a few points on his rewards card. Ah!

However, he filled up his car and didn't even notice. When we went to church on Sunday, I needed to fill up the van again, so I sweetly asked, "Honey? Will you fill up the tank while I wash my windows?" Sure he says. Pulls out his card and pumps my gas.

Then he says, "Of course I'll pump the gas for you, I'm using my rewards card. Ha ha ha ha!" Ha ha I thought, if only he knew I had switched them while he was gloating!

We pull out of the station, and he says, "Oh look I have 4 thousand points." As if it's a good thing.
I couldn't contain myself,"Didn't you have eight thousand before?"
"No"
"Yes you did, when you picked up the rewards flyer to see what you could get, you had 8 thousand points."
"Huh. They must have gyped me a few points."
I couldn't help but give him that mischievous grin, the grin I usually get when I'm up to something.
"You. You spent my points!"
"Oh no, it's better than that."
"You switched them!!!"
"I sure did."
"Jerk! You sneaky jerk! I filled up this week too! How long has it been switched???"

I was hoping for it to be better than that, but after I realized in horror that he didn't even know his own point total, I had to intervene. I guess I could of just kept his card and said I had 8 thousand points, but I want to beat him on my card not by stealing his. It wouldn't be nearly as fun as doing it this way.

If Josh was anything like my brother, he would have already thought of how to get me good. But Josh isn't. He just isn't any fun. He's too nice. Oh well, I had fun with it.