Moving on

We've been working on our house, painting, packing up boxes that should have been put away a long time ago. The usual stuff. We are deciding whether to move, stay here, refinance, or whatever. I know Josh and I would love to stay here, buy the house from my mom. I know my mom thinks we are crazy to want this house, but the way I see it is that we already know the quirks of this house, and buying a new house would be a new set of quirks that we know nothing about. Don't get me wrong, we have bought a house before, but we really like the area we are in, the school system, the time it takes to get places. It's just right for us, right now, while the kids are young.

So in deciding what we are going to do with the house, we are getting it ready. The painting needed to be done regardless. But how I pack up my boxes are a different story. If we decide to stay here, and build a new apartment, separate from the house for my mom, I would need to get rid of some of the furniture I have sitting around. I have a dining room table that is in my garage, because my mom already has a table. I can pack my boxes to get rid of those "what ifs" and move on with my life, hopefully clutter-free.

It's a lot like packing my luggage. I don't know why I keep so much stuff sometimes. Because it could be useful. I'm so used to moving every year that I'm keeping what I have accumulated just in case I need it. This is the first year Josh and I haven't moved. I'm praying we won't have to. I'm sick of keeping my "what ifs."

Something I read today.

If there is righteouness in the heart, there will be beauty in the character. If ther is beauty in the character, there will be harmony in the home. If there is harmony in the home, there will be order in the nation. If there is order in the nation, there will be peace in the world.

-Anonymous-

Adult pigtails, and screaming only a 2 year old can do.

My mom hates pigtails on adults, or even teenagers for that matter. I love them, they give me a freedom to just be crazy. And they get my hair out of my face, and I like that the most.

Dar was actually the best one out of the bunch today, when we were at church, and everywhere else we went, she was really something else. Somedays, she transforms from this sweet girl to some treacherous beast with 4 extra arms and a tail. When she turns 3, those arms will retract, and she will be sweet again, thank goodness it is only a year long.

Cassie, however, was so angry that we left her in the nursery that she cried till her face was red, and threw herself down, rolling around the floor. Then she fell asleep there, in the middle of the nursery, still sniffling every once in a while in her sleep. The nursery workers didn't want to move her at all, so they left her. Josh was in the 4th/5th graders anyways, and kept peeking in the mirror-like window.

My advice: Make sure you know what crazy feels like before you have kids. Good thing I had those freedom pigtails in today.

Technically single

We went to see Star Wars, Episode 3, because Josh said he has seen all five in the theatre and he isn't going to miss this one. So forcibly (okay I really wanted to go)we went with Josh's brother and his wife.

Funny enough, Josh and I started talking about when we were technically single. It was this phase in our relationship, (not-a-relationship) that we were exclusively dating but we're single. Back burner boyfriend. Well, it got to a point that we were seeing so much of each other, and there wasn't really any prospects we wanted to go out with that we officially started saying we were dating. Wait a minute, because you have to understand Josh was not ready to admit that he really liked me, that I might just be "the one." However I know, I was pretty persistant, (why we will never know) and eventually he gave into my charm and wit. End of story.

Well, we somehow got on the topic of it at the movie theatre with Barn and Lis, and they went through the same phase. Except since Melissa and Josh are alike in a lot of ways, it was Melissa who wasn't ready to admit, and Barney was just ruining her plans for a good career and 2.5 cats (okay not the cats part, but it sounded good, didn't it?).

So really technically single means I am in a relationship with you but I'm ready to admit it to myself yet. Because it's just not the right time darn it, and I was just not expecting it. Being confined, without being confined at the same time. Not-a-date. Technically single. Just one big long hang-out session. One of those paradoxes, I guess.

The whole point is that even though we went through this phase, it was one of those times when we started hitting the hard topics of the relationship. For us, it was religion, being that Josh was Catholic and me Protestant, we had to nail this one down, if we ever thought that we would actually get married and all.

Really, it's one of the grieving processes of dating.

Perceptions

I almost hate having dreams about other people I know. It screws up my mentality of them, because I am making them into someone they are not. Someone I want them to be.

Although I think that serves a little more truth than I think. We all get a perception of people, and don't look at them for who they really are. After all, what are first impressions for anyways.

I find myself re-evalutating people as I see something different about them. I used to hate my sister; true confession. She always made me feel like she was superior to me. And I hate that. So as I got older, the farther away I pushed, because my perception was that every little flaw was one more reason to hate her and stay away. I really don't remember when I took a real look at her and said why aren't you accepting her for who she is? She doesn't know that she's hurt you by being herself, I am only hurting myself. I wasn't helping by ignoring her, the only way it was going to get better was by talking. Little by little, I gave myself up, and started seeing those flaws as character, a total uniqueness no other could ever have. And then reality hit; I really didn't hate her, I hated myself.

It's funny to look at people, because it seems like you look for qualities that you have, or that you wish you had. I wanted to be that outgoing personality like my sister, but I was unwilling to change so I hated her for it. It was so natural for her, that it grinded on me that I didn't have that. Kids are funny when they pick who they like.

Or is it just kids? A lot has to do with presentation. We are a very visual society. A lot of our first impressions are about how other people want us to see them. So not only is our own perception skewed, but they are skewing it for us. Pretending to be someone that they want to be, someone that they are not.

What a kicker, first impressions. When did we get so messed up, why is it that we can't just be our true selves?

Because that would mean revealing a whole new person. One who can be taken apart, broken, and rejected. One that could be forgotten, lost in the crowd of people. And have it hurt. None of us want that, but we want to have more fulfilling relationships? Who's being real here?

Don't look at me, I don't have all the answers.

You, me and us.

It was funny last night. We went to the park in DeWitt, and saw some people who go to Riverview. They actually drive that far as well. The best part is that we just met the wife last Sunday. Josh can't seem to stop talking to other people. Maybe that is why we got married, we are so opposite.

It humors me that I don't understand why we got married. I mean besides the obvious love thing and all, we are so different. And even if we end up changing, we somehow manage to be different. Josh is the soul of consistency. I am not. But I am terribly loyal.

It's interesting to see us work, usually I am the disciplinarian, but lately Josh has been trying his hand at it, and the girls listen to him, no problem. Maybe I should go out and work so when I come home, they will listen to me better. Well, maybe not. I'm not too thrilled with the consequences of not being here for them while they are little. I guess I'm stubborn like that.

Somehow God knew what He was doing when we met. Josh was just planning on going into the military or become a priest. I convinced him to go to college. Although I never knew that until a lot later. It's funny to think, what a different lives we would have led if we never got married. I have no idea where I would have ended up. (Scary to think.) Josh has a lot of potential, is what I thought, to be a really great person. He has a lot of good solid qualities, that since I am so flighty, could never have. Maybe that's why we complement each other so well. He needs a motivator, and I am a strong motivation. I don't know how, but I make things happen. I guess I just have faith to see it through, and I heavily support whatever Josh or the kids want to do, whether I like it or not. Unless I know that it is out of God's will, I will be their #1 fan.

That's just who I am.

There has been a few times when I have felt outside of God's will. I don't pretend to know what His will is, but I do know when I've stepped over the line. I loved a line I heard today, that someone used on the Riv boards, he called himself a "recovering Catholic." It's funny to think that now Josh is Protestant, and although he can't be a priest because he's married and not Catholic anymore, I think his walk with God is leading him to be in ministry still. He still has that strong call on his life to be a minister somehow, I guess we will see. He probably would have still been Catholic if he hadn't married me. Well, that is a silly sentance, because he wanted to be a priest, so of course he would of been Catholic.

Although, it seems like when you switch religions, especially from or to Catholism, you are "recovering" persay. You're trying to figure out what you believe and how the religion you choose coincides with those beliefs. I love having a personal relationship with God. I love the life application teaching at our church. I love the music and worship time as well. So being a non-denom suits me, I can relate whatever they teach to my life, and usually it works with what I have been going through all week long (or longer, I've gotten a slap in the face before). Funny how that works out.

I didn't mean to make a novel out of this! I guess we will see what God has planned for us. I'm sure that it'll totally surprise the heck out of me.

Happy Birthday Cassie!!!

 

All packed and not packed right.

I've never been terribly materialistic. However, when I decide to pack for a trip, I am faced with the question, What do I really need? Sure you think, go with the basics, my mom and dad went on their honeymoon only with a pair of toothbrushes. Like they'd need anything else, I mean, come on, what else do you do on your honeymoon.

I packed a ton on my honeymoon.

I have to limit myself to one suitcase. I don't use a hairdryer or any styling products for that matter, I don't pack tons of clothes. I just pack for those "just in cases." And when that just in case comes, I am never ready for it. I either take it out the day before, or don't even give it a thought.

My best friend thought it was funny that I pack and still say that if I forget anything, then I will just buy it when I get there. So for my bachelorette party we went camping, guess who the genius was that forgot her sleeping bag.

And sunscreen.

This reflects my personality so much. Almost like I panic if I haven't prepared for any situation. I'm sure God wants me to cool off somedays. The silliest part is that sometimes I am so adaptable to situations, I work like clockwork. Maybe when I have time to think, that's when I get into trouble. And yet, God seems to see me through whatever catastrophe I manage to get myself into.

I know He wants me to depend on him, rather than take control and pack for just in cases. He's already got everything I could ever need. Why do I not let him take control? Because I like the flavor of control too much?

Because when I am put into situations that I think I am in control of; and it gets out of hand, I have to depend on Him.

Once again, a backwards success.

My girls are funny. I put up my hair to get it out of my face (I don't usually) and Laurel says, "I want piggy tails???" Sure I say. So I get the brush, which for some strange reason, getting out the brush and putting pigtails in your hair is a funny thing to my kids. Then Dar wanted a turn as well, because if Laurel can do it, so can she.

Which reminds me, Dar, surprisingly enough, knew all the states we have done so far. You don't realize how much kids listen until they pop out with these things. Selective hearing....

Grilling to the max

Yesterday was crazy. Josh went to help out his brother, and ended up getting everyone over here to put up our eaves. We fed them, of course.

In fact, Josh usually cooks the meat, and I get everything else done. He was busy putting up the eaves, but he put aluminum foil on the grill, and well, the grill ate it. I don't think I've ever seen aluminum foil burn before. I didn't think it was possible, until you get to extreme heating conditions....So I took over then.

I am not good at grilling, something about being that close to fire and risking my life near it, it just doesn't thrill me. The grill was on it's last leg to begin with, we have only two settings on it now, high and off. There used to be a glass window on it. The flames lick the top of the grill and beyond.

It's Extreme Cooking.

I was very surprised to get out of it alive, and get some good food out of it as well. Anything is possible.

So Josh owed me one.

I dragged him out to play catch, so I could practice throwing farther. Needless to say, he was funniest looking guy around. His socks were pulled up to his knees, and he had shorts on. My brother decided to come out to help us, he told me today, he really had to keep from laughing. Josh is not athletic at all. He's far from athletic. Jeff thought he looked like a pudgy Dennis the Menace.

I think he was being nice.

Toast

Apparently toast is a pretty halirious thing around our house. My husband heard the toast song on Bob and Tom's radio show, and I guess my brother heard it as well. And that was a thing around here for a while anyways. Today, Josh made me breakfast and forgot to give me my toast.

Jeff comes into my room and says, you got toast out there. Yup I said. He's like Yeah, it'll still be toast later.

Toast. Funny stuff.

Travel

Today I just want to travel somewhere. If I actually get into a car, this could really be a fun day. The sun is out, the sky is blue...ah perfect weather for driving.

I get this travel bug pretty often actually. My whole family does. We are just itching to go somewhere. I think it might be hereditary.

Yeah, looks like it's going to be a really fun or really long day.

What I have to say about God's will.

God is funny sometimes. I usually start writing my blog and something comes out that I want to write on, sometimes on the first try. Today wasn't so easy. I had tons of mismatched ideas in a good 2 to 3 paged paper, although it somehow tied together, I'm sure my English teacher in high school would of had a field day with it.

Sometimes I wonder why God gives us a certain idea that it is His will. Let me rephrase that, how do we get the idea that we are doing God's will? Some people believe that anything done in a church or religious organization, is obviously God's will. I don't believe that. People take steps to reorganize what has already been planned, in order to be in what they call "God's will." And sometimes I know God doesn't want you to schedule your time and just let Him work through you. But sometimes He also wants you to stick to the original plan even if something "better" comes up. Because it's not always better.

Consistency. I have a rough time with it. Unless I force myself every day to do something, I am not persistent. It would have to be something that I love to do or have a set goal that I want, for me to be consistent. I think God calls us to be consistent as well. It's not changing your beliefs because someone else says something against it. There is a balance here I do have to point out, and that is to be flexible to change, but to be consistent in your beliefs. The difference is not to be narrow-minded to ideas, but to grasp onto them, to further understand what you feel you believe. Then do the obvious, look it up. See if it is biblically sound.

Back to my original paragraph about religious organizations being the will of God. I can give an example. You are invited to go to church in Oklahoma say, where they have this really great speaker who lives there, and awesome worship time. You really want to go, because worship always glorifies God. However, you are already going to South Carolina to visit your aunt and go to Myrtle Beach and you figure you will be relaxing the whole time. So you go to Oklahoma. In South Carolina, you uncle has an unexpected hospital trip, and your aunt can't cope. One person in the hospital is deciding to end their life from a life long disease. So back up. If you decided to go to South Carolina, like you planned to, you still would have ended up in the hospital with your uncle, but this time around, you don't have to call up your aunt to tell her that Oklahoma is God's will. You are there for her and she has someone to depend on, not only that, but you end up talking to the person who would have ended their life and bring him to Christ. Or maybe a standstill, and gets him thinking about what suicide wouldn't accomplish, and that each day can be the best day of their life. So he starts spreading the Gospel to his friends. They are on fire for God, and they start spreading it. Soon enough your home, without even realizing the revolution you started by going to South Carolina.

God's will doesn't always encompass you. Most times God's will is about someone else you will help by being yourself.

Something to say, anyone?

My best friend is having a tough week. Pray for her, she needs a lot of prayer.

My mom claims that I always have something say. I'm not sure how to take that. I know I used to just not talk at all, especially when I don't know people. Lately, like at softball practice, I was cheering on people up to bat, even though I didn't know anyone (besides my brother, oh, and Matt).

I still find that if I don't know anyone, and I'm in a one on one conversation, there is still a lot of silence. My best friend and I had a pact almost, it didn't matter if we talked or not, sometimes the silence was just as good as conversation. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, like it is with most people.

I always feel like I have nothing to talk about, since I have pretty much no life other than my kids. And I know others don't want to be talking about kids all the time. So finding things in common with others is rather hard for me. Actually I read this book, and it was talking about how women form relationships around what they have in common with others, men usually form it around activities. So I took the backwards way out (for women anyways). I'm playing on a softball team. Cheater.

I guess I'm just odd like that.

Tribute to the Cassters

I can't believe that my Cassie, is almost a year old. Seems like I just brought her home from the hospital.

But now Cassie fits in with the rest of us, runs around, plays, and talks a ton. It isn't that she is the baby, but she's one of the Pung trio. And I think that is what amazes me. Day by day, she grew into her part of the family. We all know who Cassie is now. She's just Cassie, and not a squirming little baby anymore.

This kid has more personality than I have ever had in my life. I hope she can use it to benefit her life and most of all glorify God. I'm sure all my girls have tough times ahead.

So this is for you, Cassie, may your life filled with both the good and the bad, to learn from your mistakes, and rise up to fulfill your dreams. May you experience the joy and the sorrow of life, to love, to be passionate, to be decisive, and most of all give God your all.

I love you, my Cassie girl.

Softball

Yesterday was our first softball practice, and I didn't come out of it too bad. Like usual, I got hit in the face, and am sore pretty much everywhere. But I would practice again and again, in a heartbeat. I'm not very good, but I'm not terribly bad either.

My brother is on the team as well, and we have this running family joke about him hitting me in the forehead usually by pitching to me. So when he was helping us on our outfield work, I quite plainly told him not to hit me in the forehead. Some of my other team members laughed at this. Thank goodness it never did hit me. It was a perfect opportunity to...

I couldn't catch those outfield hits to save my life, however I did extremely well in the infield, I think the coach was surprised at this. Then again, I couldn't throw it far enough. See what I mean about being good but bad all at the same time?

This so much reflects my life.

Oh crap, I think I'm going to be short!

I don't feel good today, so this is probably going to be short.

Short. The best lines for shortness come from our family. I'm 5'5" (okay 5'4 1/2") and my husband is 5'7". We are not the tallest family around. When Josh and I were dating, we went to the movies, and after the show was done, made a pit stop. Josh came out of the bathroom, and said, "I am short! I didn't realize how short I was, I think of myself as a lot taller."

We were at my in-laws on day, and my mother in law was baking. (She's at 5'2", just for referance) and she pulled out the flour and said, "Oh crap, I think I'm going to be short" Needless to say I fell out of my chair just dying on the floor, and yelled through tears, "I already knew you were short!" and she didn't understand it at all. So after my laughter subsided, I told her what she had just said. She gives me dirty looks every time I tell this story. I'm pretty sure I can feel one coming now....

Head stuck in a gate?

 


My sister sent me this photo of herself, and I couldn't help but comment on it. Sometimes I feel like I have my head stuck in a gate! she said. (Now we know it's true!)

The first thing my brother said was "That is typical of mom, leave the kid struggling so she can get the camera and get a shot in." I couldn't help but laugh. I remember how many times I've been stuck and waited around until help arrived. Not only in life but in my own struggles as well.

Even early in life we get ourselves into messes, and have no way out. So we think. The whole God closes a door but always opens a window applies here. I always wondered if Him opening that window, meant we were to fly away, or to struggle trying to get down the pipeline. Either way, there is a dramatic change that takes place when a window is opened for us.

Even a change in our line of thinking, will help us remember that if we straighten our head and back out, we will be able to get out of that gate. And usually when we are flailing about, we are too busy thinking forwards rather than backwards. Remember I said 10 failures per 1 success. 10 steps back, one forward. Pull your head back out of that gate, and then go on with life.

It's all about our perspective.

Florida

The girls and I have been learning about the 50 states, one a day, and we've been listening to the state songs. I think if I hear Michigan's state song again, I might just go crazy.

It's to the tune of O Christmas Tree, which is one of my least favorite songs. But the girls like listening to the different songs, so I deal with it.

Since today's state is Florida, we've been studying one of the main attractions which is Kennedy Space Center. Laurel loves anything about space and the stars, so it was a good tie-in today.

On the plus side, the girls have been reading more, and getting into learning other things, which I was at a standstill at teaching them the alphabet. Now I seem to have a chance to teach them. We will see how this goes.

And we'll see who goes crazy first.

Genius

My mom called me at home from her cell and said, oh you got Josh's cell phone today!

No I don't.

Well then why on my voicemail, did it leave the number 5555.

Because that's your number mom.

What?

To check your voice mail, you type in your number, and it tells you the cell phone account your checking; that's the last 4 digits of your cell number.

Oh.

Another reason to not have a cell phone. Check.

Success

I thought about my post Tuesday, and realized that it sounded somewhat negative, and that's not what I meant. I was trying to put two thoughts into a sentence, (trust me, this is usual) and it didn't work out (yeah, this is common too).

I know people who are cast aside because they are themselves. Usually it's because they are stubborn or complain a lot, some attribute that turns people off. And it's a vicious cycle. Like I said, no one tells them of this attribute and they get discouraged when they can't do something they want. I knew a girl who played the bass and she applied to Julliard and quite a few prestigious universities, and there was no doubt that she loved to play. But she wasn't consistent in her practicing, so she knew the basics on playing her bass, but couldn't seem to get past her fundamentals.

She was disappointed when she didn't get into these schools and ended up at Western, which she plainly said, "I got into a school where the sucky bass players get into." However she started to practice more, and got really good because she became more consistent. She had the heart and courage to be a good bass player, just needed the diligence. She's graduating soon, and she is planning on doing something with music on computers.

I know I have talent. But that doesn't mean I am using my talent to the best of my ability. I was afraid of rejection before. I am still afraid of being bold enough to show what I can do. At least this time around, I was still holding up my head high. And that is my term of success.

Success is enduring my struggles, persevering through my weaknesses and realizing I still stand at the end.

With God by my side I will always still stand at the end. Therefore, somehow, I will always be a success.

No matter how backward it may be.

Applebees

Josh and I went to Applebees last night, after we put the girls to bed. Except for Laurel, who stayed up with Grandma. As you can see she didn't last long.

 


Neither did Grandma.

Thanks!

Yesterday I kept getting phone calls and emails asking how my auditions went. I didn't quite realize the inpact I had with people. A lot of people were rooting for me. That is so awesome! God is way too good to me.

Well I didn't make it. Which is fine. I really don't fit in anywhere anyways. Maybe that's what God intended for my life, to be one of those people who can't understand why they are rejected all the time, and don't realize what is really wrong with them. Simply because no one has walked up to them and pointed it out. It takes 10 failures for one success, I'm just one failure closer... I am very happy that I gave it a try, and that was what I wanted to do most of all. To see it through to the end. So really, I am a success. Just one big backward success.

Which I forgot to hand in my one page paper on Worship. It's long, (well one page, you know...) but here it is.


I find worship to be a hard topic to write on. Consciously, I want to be like the rest of the human race and admit to worship being the time we come together and praise God. But I know that’s not true. I can’t say worship is segregated to the time allotted, while at church, before and after the talk. It starts before that, before you walk in the church doors, before you even get dressed in the morning.

I’m one of those crazy people, that sings all the time. I talk to myself. I pray out loud, especially when I’m in the car alone. And that is worshipful too. I think God might prefer it, because it tends to be more real. It comes from the heart. You can worship with all your heart at a service, but like anything you do, don’t expect results because you’re here to “worship.” And when you get up to leave, don’t think you’ve put in your time for the week. Take out that time card and rip it up. Worship doesn’t work that way. Worship isn’t about getting what you want out of God. It’s about selflessly giving yourself to God, to wonder and be awed by Him.

We used to sing the hymns at the church I went to as a kid. The drudge, my mom calls it. As the church evolved, we started to sing more contemporary music. For some that lit a fire inside of them. However it didn’t reach me. I had to find my own sources and ways of worshipping God. And quite frankly I just quit altogether in frustration, one day. If you don’t have the worship time before service that means something to you, then you can’t effectively find ways to worship God on your own throughout your week. What I am getting at is we could talk all Sunday, about God and still have something missing. It’s that time we all come together to praise God. He calls us to come in fellowship together. Why would we want to disobey him now? There is just something about everyone being in the same room singing that makes you somehow feel connected. If you walk out of that room into the lobby, it isn’t there. I don’t know how many times I’m still singing as I walk outside of the congregation, and everyone stares at you like you are crazy. I bring more attention to myself because I want to still be a part of the connection, and when I carry it outside, it fizzles. Is that really what God intended?

In fact, I was little when this happened, and I was singing rather quietly, while I was waiting for my mom. I was sitting in the hallway of our church, and most of the people were in the sanctuary, listening to the sermon. One of the nursery aides came out and was wondering if they were done with service, because of my singing. Oh, she says, there is just someone in the hall. I stop singing instantly, because I was so self-conscious now, even as a small kid, it’s looked down upon when you sing, even if it’s praising God. I was singing for all my little heart was worth.

I love it when people break out in song. It’s so rare. You almost have to laugh, and I certainly don’t mean anything by it, but it’s so uncommon, you can’t help it. In bible times it was considered common to hear singing, work gangs sang together to keep their sanity and pass the time. My brother breaks out into song, like I do, my kids enjoy singing. And that is what I think God intended. Otherwise we wouldn’t have this ingrained musical ability, and I think that everyone has it.

So you ask about worship. Though I fail miserably each day, I can still worship God, whether I pray, sing, or wait for the end of the week and sing with everyone else in church. It’s about coming to God, no matter what we’ve done each day. To know you are forgiven, you can freely be who you are, and He accepts you for who you are. To give everything up, and simply understand that God is awesome. That’s worship.

Melanie J. Pung

I thought Noel had a good sermon this week. I'm pretty interested in the history behind things. And I loved the tribute to his mom, she's a good woman. One of my role-models especially growing up as a kid.

Somedays I wonder what I would do with a bold spirit like hers. She's funny about everything, and seems to tie that into the serious stuff. She has a lot of really good attributes.

The service was about the history of how the bible got put together and translated. How it got into our hands. It was interesting to hear how many people died over making it, especially in translation. And amazing that it stayed the same throughout history. Usually, anyways.

I am so excited, because Riv is going to have some kind of kids ministry on Saturday nights. (My favorite night to go.) I hope it goes well enough that it can be like Sundays. I know they need a lot of help, and personally I'm waiting until after tonight to volunteer, (auditions) as I am taking on a lot of things right now. I still want to see my family sometime. I joined one of the Riv baseball teams, a couple weeks ago, and am excited we are going to start practicing this weekend. So fun. But that means I tied up the weekends for the summer, and I know Josh likes having a day off....well, I kinda need to get out, or I will go stir-crazy.

Okay this was a newzy post. I really didn't know what to write today.

Happy Mother's Day!

I know it's late. But it's mother's day and well, we've been spending it with our mothers....

I haven't gotten too much time to be a mother on mother's day. So we got home, and I sat on the couch and watched National Treasure with my mom, no less. And asked Josh to get the girls.

Which, was every five minutes. There would be a scream, a "want milk?", a baby climbing all over creation, another cry from a frustrated 2 year old. It's no wonder I am tired all the time.

So Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers out there. You definately need it.

Now I am going to go relax, maybe take a bath, we'll see what I can get away with...

We took our girls out for chinese, we were out shopping and decided to give it a try after the last episode at the resturant (cried and fought me through it, typical kids, except I only had two then....) We got up to pay our bill, and this little chinese couple comes up to pay also. Well it was 2 grandparents, a daughter and her two kids, a boy and a girl. The Grandfather, wanted the boy to share, so the boy gave Laurel both of his fortune cookies. The girl ended up giving Dar one, and then they started to say Bye! So the girls said bye and the boy was suppose to give Laurel 5, but instead he shook her hand! So the Grandpa and I had a good laugh at this.

We ended up walking to the same part of the parking lot and Laurel decided that she wanted to go home with them. As much conning and pleading we could do, she was stubborn in staying and even told us Bye. The Grandpa laughed so hard at this. We finally pried her away crying, but we waved at them as they left the lot. Funny stuff.

Sometimes the funniest things pass the language barrier, and kids will usually be the culprit.

Dreams

I love dreaming when I sleep. It's almost like a get-away for me, my own personal vacation. I have this gut feeling when I have dreams that pertain to reality. And so I pray about them.

Sometimes I get away to places that looks somewhat like a place I know, and with people I know. It was crazy last night, I was suppose to be going to church, and the pastor who I have no idea who he was, he kept talking while rearranging a meat freezer like the ones in a store. I'm sure what he was talking about was somehow connecting the meat and God, but you know, somehow I just don't want to know. So I tuned out a pastor in my own dreams. Wow.

My brother always told me that I have the fun dreams. How is meat fun?

I know what is bothering me subconsciously when it comes out in dreams. I'm not afraid of meat or anything. I think it has more to do with that I tuned them out. With us going to church on Sundays, means I am still worrying about the kids the whole time instead of listening to the message. That and Josh and I love Saturday nights. If you haven't been to a Saturday night service, it's feels so different than the Sunday mornings. I like the more relaxed atmosphere, almost like you are involved in the discussion, rather than talked at on Sunday morning. Unfortunately there isn't anything for the kids, so my mom ends up watching them while we go. Then Sunday morning we take the girls so they have their church time too. Hopefully something will give.

Then again, maybe I'm over-analyzing.

What heels will do

I've never been a girly kind of girl, until after I had my first daughter. I was the tomboy kind of a girl. I didn't own a pair of heels, I didn't have lipstick, in fact, I still don't use lipstick. I didn't own a dress for that matter, but I did have a black skirt, for orchestra concerts (required: white shirt and a black skirt). But other than that, I wore t-shirts. Jeans. Pulled my hair back, all the time. And the silliest part is that I did care then what I looked like, but I carefully crafted the way I put on my clothes each morning. And what showed through was my attitude. Never knowing then, what I would become.

Now, I love heels. I still have my dependable tennis/comfortable vans-like shoes, but I can't help to add a little fun to what I am wearing. Heels are fun. They are my badge of womanhood.

Josh's grandmother looked at me at thanksgiving this year, as I walked in with heels and a skirt, took a double take and said, "I watched you walk in, with confidence, style, and said, now she's a woman."

Funny how a pair of heels suddenly make you a "woman" but I think I did some growing-up that month. I put my foot down to a lot of people, who were walking all over me. I decided that I cared more how I looked and was sick of being the frumpy Mel. I dropped those baby pounds, and took a hard look at the quality of what I was eating as well as the quantity. After 3 years of pregnancy, you tend to forget what is good for you, that people are always trying to get you to eat to "help the baby." I needed a new outlook on life, besides mom, daughter, and everything to everyone. I had to learn how to be myself. Trust me, it's not easy.

I can't help but revert to the old Mel sometimes with her baggy t-shirts and jeans, but I can help how I act. I used to wallow in self-pity. I probably had the most pity parties than anyone around. Then something hit me one day, I was being more selfish by asking, why me? Why does this always happen to me? And I sat up and looked around to see what I could do that would be more productive. At first I would cry over dishes, and be so angry that no one was helping me (again, selfish, but hey, I was working on it.) I had to remember to stop being the "martyr" and be happy in what I was doing. At least I had the ability to do dishes. Everyone in my household (all 7 of us) appreciated when the kitchen was clean. I felt a sense of accomplishment when I got them done. So this week, I didn't do my dishes. And if someone stepped in to help the load, I would thank them and I didn't feel one bit guilty. I don't have to have that affirmation anymore. I had things that were more important, like playing with my kids, and practicing for my audition.

That's what heels will do for a girl.

What does that sign on my back say anyways?

Laurel took a spill in the parking lot of subway, in DeWitt. So this lady, probably mid-60's comes running out and asks, "Can I help you? I saw your kid fall, and figured you would need help." Me being charming as ever. "No, I think I've got it." So she holds open the door to Subway for us, and Laurel is just fine. Laurel ends up flirting with a boy already in the store, forgetting her plunge. I end up ordering a sub, and get ready to leave, and the lady's husband smiles at me. I, of course (always ready with a smile, that's me) smile back, and tell the woman, "thanks again, for helping me out." She of course, beams and who knows, maybe makes a check mark for her one good thing done today, or maybe is just that nice. I don't know. I just hope I am as compassionate as her when I get older and my kids are grown.

Life is so funny. I wonder if there is a sign on me, that cries, "Help me!!!" I think people see my 3 girls and think, sad case of the oops, or maybe I look desperate enough. Yeah, I should do a scientific study of this. Maybe I should stop being the do-it-yourself kind of person, and just let people help me. You would think with three kids, that I would.

Star Wars lego game

My brother just got a legos star wars game, which is really easy, but very addictive. You run around the star wars movies basically, as lego figurines of Obi-wan or Anakin, etc. and collect the lego coins, and people along the way. It's very kid-friendly, so far. And my kids, love watching us play, (my brother has his computer hooked up to the tv, so they can watch it while we are playing. You get to pod race, fly with R2D2, you can even buy Darth Maul and run around in the freeplay levels with him. It's so much fun.

Yes, I am a fan of Star Wars. But you could of asked me in high school about it, and I would of said, What is Star Wars???

Missed the point

I fought for a long time, with why I am here. I know I still fight. Lately I was very disturbed with being in God's will. Then I read something that made a lot of sense. Instead of trying to find out God's will for your life, why not spend that energy just following God? What does He want me to do now, instead of trying to "plan" for His will in the future. Leaving that unanswered question of life, and His will up to God, might just be the smartest thing I do. What is more important, following God, or the idea of His will?

I was too busy being technical, rather than focusing on what was important. Once again, I had severely missed the point and wasted a lot of time. The best part is that though I failed, I gained too, because I learned something else. Now who is it that says that you have to fail to suceed?

Right. Got it. Can't wait to see the next mess I get myself into.

The trek for lemonade

Doesn't it seem like I keep reverting to food lately? I'm not terribly hungry or anything, and I hope no one loses to the diet war just because of my blog, maybe I should put a disclaimer...

Josh took me out today for mothers day, we don't like crowds and would much rather enjoy our day without waiting for lunch. So I was pretty desperate yesterday anyways, so we went shopping and I dragged Josh everywhere (I have way more energy than Josh, both my brother and I can run around, yes, run, Disney World, so that we see everything that we want to see, you'll have to ask me about it, sometime.) Anyways he was so sore, but he humored me, and we pulled out of the parking lot with no where to go. So I said, You know what, I want a lemonade. Where can we get a lemonade that is good from here? Josh was like, I don't know. So I suggested going downtown East Lansing, by campus, they have a lot of little shops, one is bound to have lemonade. But Josh was in the left turn lane, when he should of been in the right, so we turn left. We are over by the meridian mall, and he never thinks to turn around, though I suggest it. Like he will take directions from his wife.

So we decided to try panara, in frandor, and Josh wants bagels. We get closer and Josh decides, why not call Melissa, then you guys can meet up and I can go home. Yes that is what he said. Direct quote. So I called Melissa, and asked her where there was a good place for lemonade. It must of been the weirdest call, it was so random. So we talk about lemonade for 10 minutes, and she tells me Cosi, downtown east lansing, which you remember we originally started at the meridian mall and made a huge michigan block with the driving we just did. Good thing our car gets good gas miliage. Because we just wasted a ton of gas. Then Melissa said, so did you want to meet or anything? I'm like yeah, she's like, oh wait! I'm going to go pick up Jer, who was staying at their house for the weekend. Then she admits, I didn't know what we would do today, being Barney was out having fun and left his friend home with his wife, (that was my add in, hey it's my story) but this is perfect, she says.

So we meet up at Cosi. Josh and I ordered before they came, and on the menu, no lemonade. So we order an ice tea and strawberry smoothie. They told us our ice tea was in the case, so we grab it and voila! Lemonade! So we buy that too. I'll have to say I much rather have the strawberry smoothie at Cosi's than their lemonade, just in case anyone was wondering.

The point is, we drive way out of our way, talked to Melissa who dragged out Jer to see us, just so I could have a lemonade. How selfish is that? Oh well, it was great. Josh and I had a lot of fun yesterday, and we ended up having a rough night with the girls up all night long but somehow, that night is smoothed over with the time out together. Getting through today should be interesting.