Well I didn't make it. Which is fine. I really don't fit in anywhere anyways. Maybe that's what God intended for my life, to be one of those people who can't understand why they are rejected all the time, and don't realize what is really wrong with them. Simply because no one has walked up to them and pointed it out. It takes 10 failures for one success, I'm just one failure closer... I am very happy that I gave it a try, and that was what I wanted to do most of all. To see it through to the end. So really, I am a success. Just one big backward success.

Which I forgot to hand in my one page paper on Worship. It's long, (well one page, you know...) but here it is.


I find worship to be a hard topic to write on. Consciously, I want to be like the rest of the human race and admit to worship being the time we come together and praise God. But I know that’s not true. I can’t say worship is segregated to the time allotted, while at church, before and after the talk. It starts before that, before you walk in the church doors, before you even get dressed in the morning.

I’m one of those crazy people, that sings all the time. I talk to myself. I pray out loud, especially when I’m in the car alone. And that is worshipful too. I think God might prefer it, because it tends to be more real. It comes from the heart. You can worship with all your heart at a service, but like anything you do, don’t expect results because you’re here to “worship.” And when you get up to leave, don’t think you’ve put in your time for the week. Take out that time card and rip it up. Worship doesn’t work that way. Worship isn’t about getting what you want out of God. It’s about selflessly giving yourself to God, to wonder and be awed by Him.

We used to sing the hymns at the church I went to as a kid. The drudge, my mom calls it. As the church evolved, we started to sing more contemporary music. For some that lit a fire inside of them. However it didn’t reach me. I had to find my own sources and ways of worshipping God. And quite frankly I just quit altogether in frustration, one day. If you don’t have the worship time before service that means something to you, then you can’t effectively find ways to worship God on your own throughout your week. What I am getting at is we could talk all Sunday, about God and still have something missing. It’s that time we all come together to praise God. He calls us to come in fellowship together. Why would we want to disobey him now? There is just something about everyone being in the same room singing that makes you somehow feel connected. If you walk out of that room into the lobby, it isn’t there. I don’t know how many times I’m still singing as I walk outside of the congregation, and everyone stares at you like you are crazy. I bring more attention to myself because I want to still be a part of the connection, and when I carry it outside, it fizzles. Is that really what God intended?

In fact, I was little when this happened, and I was singing rather quietly, while I was waiting for my mom. I was sitting in the hallway of our church, and most of the people were in the sanctuary, listening to the sermon. One of the nursery aides came out and was wondering if they were done with service, because of my singing. Oh, she says, there is just someone in the hall. I stop singing instantly, because I was so self-conscious now, even as a small kid, it’s looked down upon when you sing, even if it’s praising God. I was singing for all my little heart was worth.

I love it when people break out in song. It’s so rare. You almost have to laugh, and I certainly don’t mean anything by it, but it’s so uncommon, you can’t help it. In bible times it was considered common to hear singing, work gangs sang together to keep their sanity and pass the time. My brother breaks out into song, like I do, my kids enjoy singing. And that is what I think God intended. Otherwise we wouldn’t have this ingrained musical ability, and I think that everyone has it.

So you ask about worship. Though I fail miserably each day, I can still worship God, whether I pray, sing, or wait for the end of the week and sing with everyone else in church. It’s about coming to God, no matter what we’ve done each day. To know you are forgiven, you can freely be who you are, and He accepts you for who you are. To give everything up, and simply understand that God is awesome. That’s worship.

Melanie J. Pung