Perceptions

I almost hate having dreams about other people I know. It screws up my mentality of them, because I am making them into someone they are not. Someone I want them to be.

Although I think that serves a little more truth than I think. We all get a perception of people, and don't look at them for who they really are. After all, what are first impressions for anyways.

I find myself re-evalutating people as I see something different about them. I used to hate my sister; true confession. She always made me feel like she was superior to me. And I hate that. So as I got older, the farther away I pushed, because my perception was that every little flaw was one more reason to hate her and stay away. I really don't remember when I took a real look at her and said why aren't you accepting her for who she is? She doesn't know that she's hurt you by being herself, I am only hurting myself. I wasn't helping by ignoring her, the only way it was going to get better was by talking. Little by little, I gave myself up, and started seeing those flaws as character, a total uniqueness no other could ever have. And then reality hit; I really didn't hate her, I hated myself.

It's funny to look at people, because it seems like you look for qualities that you have, or that you wish you had. I wanted to be that outgoing personality like my sister, but I was unwilling to change so I hated her for it. It was so natural for her, that it grinded on me that I didn't have that. Kids are funny when they pick who they like.

Or is it just kids? A lot has to do with presentation. We are a very visual society. A lot of our first impressions are about how other people want us to see them. So not only is our own perception skewed, but they are skewing it for us. Pretending to be someone that they want to be, someone that they are not.

What a kicker, first impressions. When did we get so messed up, why is it that we can't just be our true selves?

Because that would mean revealing a whole new person. One who can be taken apart, broken, and rejected. One that could be forgotten, lost in the crowd of people. And have it hurt. None of us want that, but we want to have more fulfilling relationships? Who's being real here?

Don't look at me, I don't have all the answers.