Done

Sometimes life tosses up a deck of cards and says, now it's time to play 52 pick-up.

We haven't been going to church for a quite a while now. I can't quite pin the reason why exactly, I think I'm just done with religion. That's not to say I'm done with God, and I don't care if you throw into my face that God asks us to be in community with other believers. I could be absolutely wrong about this right now. But I'm just not accepting the fact that we went to church and tried to connect with people and came out worse than when we went in. A church will never be perfect since it is lined with imperfect people. It just seems like the wrong reason to be going to church. I mean you go to learn about God, but you also go to connect with other people who believe like you do. I think I was just looking for one person just to sit down with for coffee every once in a while and just be comforted with the fact that you believe the same ideas. Someone else to bounce ideas off of and put your head back on your shoulders again. I'm currently getting more of a sense of community from a pair of Jehovah's Witnesses that keep stopping by my door.

I think put too much faith into people. I keep hoping that there just might be someone else out there who wants to do the right thing all the time, no matter what. It feels like everyone has a motive. Me included.

We went to this Ben Folds concert last week and it was really cool. I wish he wouldn't feel the need to swear all the time but everybody has their thing, I guess. Ever since then I've been listening to a few of his songs like they were a religion or something. Sorry Mr. Ben Folds, but I'm not going to be head priestess of the Foldites.

I guess I just like the free style he has. Something I wish I could get a hold of. Seems like I can't let go and just be free. Always captive to something. I'm sure he is captive to something else.

Isn't that the way it is with human beings?

I'm fervently religious when things come crashing down around my ears, but when it comes to the calms in my life God is a trinket on a charm bracelet. How's that for honesty? I hate feeling like I'm just like an Israelite in the desert for 40 years. Human characteristics don't change over thousands upon thousands of years. I'm just as likely to turn my back on God when there is nothing better to do, but when something happens, I'm first to start praying. The story's the same, only the time and place is different.

And at this point in my life, I still believe in God and His Word. I still believe that things happen for a reason and that He knows what's going on. I trust in that. That's not my ultimate truth or anything, but everything else right now just seems to be up for interpretation.