Another one of those disclaimer blogs.

I want to get a ton done today, but I'm really lethargic. Ever have those days?

I started out my run really enthusiastic. I was going to try going 5 miles like last week, but I got to a mile and found out I just couldn't do it today, so I turned around and ran all the way back, a full 2 miles total. Which isn't bad, I make sure I do that every day at least, just to keep my moods from plummeting.

Hopefully I won't be disappointed in what I do accomplish today.

We went to our bible study on Sunday, and a number of things happened. It was freezing outside, and I was more than ready to sit down and discuss Romans. But the door was locked. 5 of us made it to the study and we stood outside for a few minutes just waiting for the door either to magically open or someone to drop by with a key. Neither happened. So we went to the local Beaners and drank coffee while studying Romans. What could be better than that????

Well even better is the discussion we ended up having, I really learned a lot. The other 4 people are super intelligent, and knew a lot of the background stuff that I didn't know at all. Which is actually pretty usual, as it is that I'm not a scholar by any means. But sometimes ideas fly over my head, because it just doesn't matter to me. This time I was getting concepts that I would consider to be "over my head", that I had no idea I even knew anything about it. I mean these guys are all college grads, some with a masters, entering doctoral programs and then there's me sitting there on my high school diploma.

I'm not saying I am stupid. I'm just not as well educated.

Then we got a phone call that was one of those incovenient hard to manage request calls. If you can understand that. Well, BJ had taken out some carpet in his house and needed the truck (the truck basically gets passed around from Pung house to Pung house, even though it is officially Glenns). Josh picked up the culverts earlier this week so we could finish our driveway and have it drain properly. These culverts are extremely heavy and awkward, so we were planning on leaving them in the truck and dropping them right into the hole when they finished digging on Saturday. However, BJ decided he had to get his carpet out the next day and had to have the truck. Which means we would be taking out the culverts and delivering the truck. How BJ expected us to be able to take out those culverts with one man in the house is beyond me, but he doesn't think of those things. This seriously isn't an attack on his character, I love him to death just like he were my own brother, however that's just who he is.

And Josh being who he is, fiddled around with logistics, while on the phone, that no one could come to an agreement, so it was a pointless waste of breath. However in my mind, it was already taken care of, that we were going to accomplish it whether it killed us or not. I didn't know how or what but I knew it would.

So after I reassured him many times, Josh finally hung up. We get home and I ask my brother who happens to be home at the right time, (Thank you!) he watched the girls sunday, (Thank you! Thank you!!!!) so they manage to get the culverts out and to the side of the driveway. It'll be interesting when they have to drag them into the holes on Saturday, but whatever. The truck is all ready Monday morning, as promised.

He doesn't want it Monday.

He decided he would do it Wednesday since there was no definitive answer or progress of the conversation.

I could be so extremely angry, but I'm not. Several things went awry here. Communication skills in the Pung family are seriously out of whack. Say what you mean people! No means no, yes means yes, and I really don't give a crap means.... alright you get the point. Or maybe it's just that we aren't getting to the point. What is the point of this conversation? Why is it that it can't just be said out loud, plain and simple???

Like...

(Oh great, I know where this is going... it's not going to be pretty) We were planning on "donating" our junk on junk day in St. Johns. Now this is seriously an offense to St. Johnzens, the only people who can dump their junk are people who live in town. It's wrong in the first place. I know this, I really wanted no part of this. But you know me, I don't say anything and Glenn and Ava said we could bring some stuff in and put it out that day. Great! we thought, get rid of some stuff. Well that was until Ava heard something, that someone got fined and couldn't participate in the trash pick up for 2 years because their neighbor thought someone else had brought in trash and told whoever is in charge of trash pickup day. Anyways this huge excuse and my point really is that when they came to our house, they told us this little story, then said it's only 15 bucks to drop off stuff at Granger. I totally missed the point until Josh told me later that they were saying we couldn't drop off stuff.

Then I was livid.

Why, oh why, didn't they just come out and say, I don't want you to drop off your trash? Why make it so that a complete genius had to figure out what they were saying??? This was the second year they have done this to us. That made me even madder. But I think the reason I was really mad was because it was in hidden messages of what they really wanted to say. It all comes back to how inferior they made me feel, like I am less than what I am really worth. I know I'm not the smartest person, but I'm not a complete idiot. It made me so angry that I didn't get it the first time around and they didn't just come right out and say it. I had to pray really hard to get over my anger and forgive them.

You'll never guess what helped me get over my anger.

The fact that it was wrong in the first place and I didn't even really want to do it anyways. Just now I had an excuse to do the right thing.

Isn't that ridiculous???

I have several points to this. Number 1, please just say what you mean. Josh spent a good 20 minutes "talking" with BJ, without any end result, so no one knew what the goal was. And number 2, when you want to do the right thing, just speak up and do the right thing. It'll save you a ton of time and hassle, and then some.

Here is the disclaimer: This entire blog it is not meant to hurt or offend anyone who is reading. Merely I am striving to tell the truth as I see it. Whether that truth is skewed or tainted, I am willing to admit when I am wrong, no matter how much I get angry or feel like I've been mistreated or represented in any way. Please understand I am human. I will get angry and out of control. And I will see truth one way that may not actually be the way things are. But to me it is my truth. I will stand to be corrected, but I will not stand excuses.

And I will cry and be at your mercy. That is who I am. Emotional, chaotic, striving for excellence, finding what's wrong and making it right, changing what I believe to be truth to what actually is the truth, and more than vunerable...

In other words: I am Human.