Bye for now.

Today is our last day here! We'll be back on the 10th.

So I probably won't be writing this week, unless I get Jeff to get online. But don't count on it.

I printed out a ton of coloring pages for my kids for the flight. I don't think they quite understand the fact that we are going on vacation, and it's going to be a blast. That is, if Dar doesn't throw the temper tantrums she has been throwing lately.

14 years ago to this day, my dad passed away. My mom started tearing up today, and it is just an all around hard day for us. It seems to hit us every year.

I didn't cry this year yet. I think I might finally be through my grieving process, and although I have my memories of him, I don't cry every single time I think about it. You'd think I'd be over his death, but I think for a kid, it takes a lot longer to figure out what to do after something like that. Sure I can do the daily stuff, but there are a lot of times I wish I had dad to lean on.

I had horrible nightmares last night. And as a common theme in my dreams I held onto my kids while I screamed or fought or anything. And there was no one there to help me. It seems like that sometimes. A lot of time my dreams do reveal what I fear most, which losing my kids is always at the top of the charts. I don't fear doing things alone, but I don't like limited choices I have to make in situations presented to me. Like someone robbing my home, I get my kids out first. And fight the bad guy if it's my kids he wants. I don't usually win.

I used to be so afraid of people giving me shots. I'm not sure what made me so afraid, I just didn't like it. So teachers and counselers and whoever I hated especially would run around chasing me with needles.

That was a little graphic.

Yeah I think I'm done now.