Latebloomer

I get all weird when someone knows something about me that I think very few people know. I think it's only because it reveals me, a person who is very different than the face I like to put on each day.

I am always struggling with a concept of sorts. Lately it's been about how God reveals himself to us today. You know, since there are no burning bushes telling us His will for our lives. No obvious signs. I am really struggling with this concept.

I am so caught up in hoping to have some part in God plan, because it feels like I have no part what-so-ever. I know somewhere I have made some impact on a few lives around me, it just bothers me that I don't get to see results. And it shouldn't bother me. My mind knows that.

But it still bothers me.

Yesterday I took a look at our finances, we've been tracking them this month to see where the money has been going. Somehow or another we ended up with a surplus of money, that I have no idea where it came from. Seriously. I thought that we were really behind, when we are so far ahead it doesn't seem possible. I've been thinking about giving a good sum of it to someone else who really needs it. Josh won't exactly like the idea, but it's one of those laid on my heart kind of things.

And I tend not to be generous with that sort of thing. I wouldn't say I'm greedy, but I am very cautious. I still want to prepare for emergencies that don't exist.

Just in the last few years I've seem to get more of a handle on who I am and who I want to be. I'm not saying that they are colliding just yet, but I am much more content in who I am. Which is a big step forward. Not the usual backward success.

I am such a latebloomer. I am the later-than-the-usual-latebloomer.