What a Woman.

My dad died when I was 9, and it opened up a whole new world to me. Instantly, I became self-sufficient, transformed into a mini-adult, and learned how to take care of others first before myself. Now when tragedy strikes, I go into this mode and accomplish great things. But on the down time? I'm afraid of everything.

Yes, scared. I have a great fear of meeting new people. I can talk to a person for the first time, though this has taken me years to do that. After that first meeting, I can't help but think, how am I suppose to walk up to them again? Do we really have anything in common? So I just don't talk to them again. Ever. I have few close friends I met in high school, but when I find people I really connect with, I stay friends with them for life. So in the end its not so bad, because I know they will meet the surrealistic goal of "friends forever."

I play the piano and cello, and am pretty proficient at it. Although I get really nervous before performing, I manage to get through it, usually with flying colors. And people say, you get nervous? Maybe I hide it well. The only time I don't get nervous while performing is when it is my own songs. I may be concerned what others think, but really, I don't even care. Its my music and its the way I like it.

God has always been good to me. Although I really didn't start getting to know Him until recently. All those years of being in church, and I still didn't get it. I'm not sure I wanted to. I hated church, just because my mom always forced us to go. In a sense it was good, because His word never returns void. In a larger sense, it would hurt my chances for a good relationship with God earlier in my life. After I got married and moved out, I can count on one hand how many times I went to church in those 3 years. I woke up one day and realized my life wasn't going anywhere good, and prayed I would get into a good church. Next thing I know, my husband loses his job, and we move closer to family. My brother had been attending a younger church, focused on the college aged group and told me I should try it out. So I went to see what it was all about. I wasn't sure about it at first, it was so different. So I went each sunday for a month, then I took my husband and then the kids. I think I'm a totally different person now than I was before I went there. What a difference this church has made in my life.

So there you have it, a God fearing, reserved, self-sufficient, did I mention afraid of human contact, woman. What a woman.