I've been up and down today. I am either really happy or really angry. It's very odd. i.e. Normal for me. I can't seem to balance myself out and that lack of control is bugging me.
I wish I had all the answers sometimes. Especially in those angry moments of, well, today, and in those happy times, I just don't care that I have the answers at all. Josh would say here, "I am the floating head." in a very airy voice, almost meditative. That seems to sum up today.
My mom and Jeff and I talked about this one day. And Jeff was saying he had extreme mood swings too. My mom said she didn't. She figured that she was pretty normal. Then she said that she never noticed these huge mood swings in us, like a bolt of lightning change. I was wondering how she couldn't.
It seems pretty obvious to me. My mom has the same personality throughout, Jeff has his moments of "getting on the soapbox" but he is still himself, where I am wildly inconsistent from day to day. I would say one day I don't like steak, I never have and never will. The next day I would tell you I love steak, though I've hated it in past, this is good stuff. And I know I do it. It bugs me. I just don't understand what I want. I think I know what I want and it changes. Constantly. Change is not a bad thing in my book. And it's one of those things I've had to deal with and overcome. I'm wondering now if you can ever overcome it.
Ask me tomorrow. My opinion will probably change.
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