Freedom

Something just happened a few seconds that made me laugh. The ritual hand me downs day. My oldest daughter likes hats. So when we found one in the store that she would love, we picked it up. She happened to be behaving so I handed her the brand new hat. She, in turn, looked for her old hat, that Dar had been wanting to get her hands on, and gave it to her. Dar ran and found her own hat and handed it to Cassie, who happily gurgled and put the hat on her head, inside out, because she had no clue what was happening. Laurel and Dar, proud as a peacocks, have been running around the house in their new hats, having a blast.

It takes so little to thrill my girls. Josh, as he was leaving, looks into the window that is just outside the front door. So Dar runs up to the window, and climbs up the furniture sitting there to say her goodbyes. Josh opens up the window and gives her one last quick kiss, and shuts it again. Laurel looks at the window and says, "agh!(in anguish) Kiss! I want kiss, Daddy!" Lucky for her, Josh forgot something and came back in, so she got her kiss.

They are so funny. I thought, being it a Monday, my day would be hard and frustrating. It is really hard to get out of the Monday blues, even when you don't work that 9-5 job. I work, but my work never ends, so why should Monday be any different?

So for the last few weeks, I've been trying to get out the Monday "routine." Mondays for me, mean that everyone is out of the house, minus my brother who sleeps in until noon. So I get to play, feed and have fun with my kids, for the whole day. Isn't that a great Monday? We get to do what we want, be it play in the tub, color, make artwork, you name it, in almost any part of the house, with not a concept of time, until it is 5 pm. We can watch movies, (even girly ones, since I have all girls!!!) play games, sing as loud as we want, wear what we want....don't you wish our lives are as free on a normal basis? I do.

Why can't our lives be so free? Why do we have such rules on ourselves? Behave a certain way, talk a certain way. Is this what God really intended for us, or were we really suppose to all live in the garden of Eden? I mean come on, people won't know how unique you are, unless you let go and be free. And maybe that is what salvation is about, freeing yourself. That's not to say that you should go jump off a cliff because you want freedom, what are you going to do when you hit bottom? Oops, maybe I should have thought through this some more?

No, the freedom to act and say things how they should be said, and not restricted to the normal daily stuff of visiting McDonalds and getting a happy meal when your 40. Your life shouldn't be so off-limits. Sharing your triumphs and your falls, shouldn't have to be a safe environment thing. But how many of us are really free? So you share those things with other free beings, and safe-guard everything else so it won't be used against you. What a precarious way to live.

I'm in a transitioning point in my life. My best friend is having the time of her life, in South Carolina. My husband is on the verge of a major Christ movement. My kids change everyday. My mom is traveling a lot more than before, with her close friend, and visiting my sister, who is far away as well. And here I am, sitting in a room writing about life in general, where life passes so slowly. I will never see it go that slow again until I'm 90 and can't move anymore. And you know, I think I might just be the most free person of the bunch. I get to take care of my kids, my husband is gracious enough to work harder so we have this chance. I get to see my husband finding what he wants to do with his life and enjoy it immensely. I watch my mother come back from her trips, ecstatic that she found yet another shop full of scarves she bought to match every outfit she owns or has ever owned. My brother is exploring what he wants to do with his life, and he is about as free as they come, if he doesn't want to do it, he won't. No way around it. And yet, in a few years, I will be the one running around with the girls in school, and figuring out, wow, what am I going to do? I guess I'll take a look at life and say simply, I want to be free, and I want to achieve to my full potential before God takes me. And when He takes me, I want Him to be proud of who I was, because right at this moment, I don't care that there is some crown waiting for me. I don't care if the streets are lined in gold, they could be lined in putrid green for all I care. I am simply happy that God has put me here, so I can be who I am, and discover what I can be. I was there when Josh decided to become baptized. And I'll be there when God needs me to be there. I'll surrender my life and dreams, so I can accomplish what God wants. I'm willing.

Are you?