Good Friday

Good Friday isn't actually very good. Oh well. Christian holidays..... Do you know that Christian holidays used to be on the first day of spring, summer.... you get it. And they moved them back or ahead to pagan holidays so they could take over the day and it was this big, spread Christianity campaign. Surprisingly enough, it worked pretty well. Now they are universal holidays. Pretty smart huh?

Except for the fact that most people don't realize the implications behind each holiday. It's make up your own traditions for the holidays. Let's be creative and not remember any traditions our parents had and their generations before them. I guess all this animosity stems from the fact that I hate holidays.

Yes, it's true. I do. I just can't understand for the life of me how holidays got so out of hand. Holidays make me bitter and feel so empty inside. You go to family gatherings you'd rather not be at, to make small conversation about things that no one cares about, and won't be remembered in the next minute. You eat a ton of food that isn't yours and if it is, you slave and play host to people you don't even like. It makes no sense. I'd rather stay home with my family and focus on my kids. Teach them what Easter is really about.

Last Christmas I started civil war. I told Josh's parents that we weren't coming to their Christmas party, his 19 year old sisters birthday and his grandparents party all in the same weekend. We would only come to one and that was that. It was too much and I wasn't going to do that to my kids. I think his parents hated me for a month. They might still be harboring it, they hold grudges for a long time.

So they said that I was trying to keep the kids from seeing them and that they hadn't seen them for a month. It was all pretty ridiculous. But if I hadn't put my foot down at Christmas, then Easter would have been all about a 2 hour Easter mass, Easter egg hunts, dinners and craziness that pops out from the seams. Instead, they found something else to chew about and that was surrounding their lives around Josh's 19 year old sister. They couldn't do a dinner because they were driving her back to college. Even if we couldn't do anything until dinner time, it wouldn't matter. Now understand me, the only reason this angers me so much is that they have been driving her back and forth to campus, and she has a car. We gave her a car. I can understand parking can be atrocious, we paid for it ourselves. She is just making lame excuses so she can lead her parents around by their noses and they just don't see it. It's one of those arguments that I hide in my heart so I don't break out and yell at them about her playing them for fools and I keep it in my heart so I won't let my kids do that. I learn by example and I've had a lot of bad examples to learn from. My mother always did things a certain way that I didn't like, not that parents are perfect, far from it, but now I refuse to do that to my kids.

I get so angry at them, and the only thing holding me back from yelling and screaming is that it's not worth it. I could scream until dawn and nothing would get accomplished. So I try to kill them with kindness. When they come around to a topic that makes me flare, I must get a look on my face each time because they shut up now, as soon as they see my face. They know they are treading on dangerous ground, and if they keep hitting the right buttons, I will tell them what I think. They really don't like my brutal honesty. I can't help but speak the truth. And they don't like it that I don't agree with them 100%. They disowned me the day I disagreed with them, and have been making my life hell since.

It's hard to say how weak I am at this. It hurts that they can't even fathom how much pain they have caused me and my family. And all I can do is sit back and let my kids visit with them and wonder what they are getting out of it as people. Are they learning the behaviors that they show? Are they going to be as selfish and condescending? And I hurt to think they call themselves Catholic and Jesus doesn't show through them. The room falls silent each time I've brought them up short by simply saying "That wasn't very Christian-like." They hate me for holding them accountable. They hate the transparency. They despise the fact when they know it is wrong and won't admit it, that I know it's wrong too. So they try at every corner to show how "stupid" I am to everyone else. And that's wrong. That's teaching my kids that it's okay to bash people, especially people you don't like and verbally drain them. That's not loving your enemies. That's not turning the other cheek. That's not showing love.

Pray for me. I am constantly praying for the right attitude and an open heart. And pray for them as well. That they see the light of God in me and my husband, and realize we are human too, and not only that but of their flesh and blood. That God would get ahold of them and change their lives. Pray that I will have the strength to do what is right, whether it is to keep my mouth shut, or to tell the truth and that I will know the right time and right words to use, that are kind and pleasing to God. I know for a fact that God is the only one that can get ahold of them, and that the only thing I can do is pray and then pray some more, and lead by example.

I am weak God. And only You can give me strength.